Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac
A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. " I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking! Look at the test they're making you do now!"
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat.
I hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”
The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”
There was this fellow who received a phone call from his doctor. The doctor said, "I have some bad news and some really bad news."
The fellow said, "let me have it."
The doctor said, "The bad news is that I got your test results back and you have only 24 hours to live."
The man groaned, sobbed, and otherwise carried on. Finally he asked the doctor, "What's the really bad news?"
The doctor replied, "I forgot to call you yesterday!"
