Eik thodii puraani ghazal hai meri..bahot din se kuchh naya likha nahi to sonchan ye hii sunaa dooN aap logoN ko nahiN to aap log mujhe bhool hi na jaaeiN kaheeN…aap kii raaye ka intezaar rahega…
Raahbar raahjan ho jaaye , yakeeN ki bebasi dekho to
Naakhuda dubo dey kasti ko, mauzoN ki dillagi dekho to
Tum mere nahiN ho maloom hai, main bhi aur kisi ka hooN
Phir bhi tumhiN ko chahey hai, ye dil ki khudkushi dekho to
KaliaaN raheiN tere kadmoN tale, har khaar palak se chun lenge
Hum saada dil haiN jaan e man, hamaaree bandagi dekho to
tauba kar lee Maykhaane se, saaki se tark – e - wafa kiya
Dagmagaaye aadatan ab bhi kadam, ye bhi maykashi dekho to
intehaa e Intazaar hai shaayad, shaam kaasid se ulajh gaya
Ye gila nahiN phir bhi ae sanam, tum apani berukhi dekho to
Kuchh log jameeN pe aaye the, jo ishq ko mazhab kahte the
Wo fana huye the ishq ki khaatir, oonaki aashaqi dekho to.
Wo nahiN hai meri lakiroN meiN, ye baat kahii mere maazi ne
Bisaat e zindagii meiN yaaroN , taqdeer ki baazi dekho to
Tum kyoN achhe lage oose, wo yun bhi khub maze meiN tha
Ab jeeta hai na marta hai , ‘" "’ ki zindagee dekho to.
** Dilsay and Dost : ** ghazal pasand karne aur honsla afzaai ke liye bahot bahot shukriya.
** irem : ** aapne ghazal pasand kiya aur apna comment diya, es ke liye aap ka bahot bahot shukriya. maiN es field meiN abhii seekh raha hooN. If you could clarify were you didn't agree with myy thought, then it would be better for me to correct it and learn it for the future.
** Saba : ** You know very well how valuable your comments are for me. Thanks for it. 'Z' or 'J' , bahot kuchh correct kar liya hai maiN ne magar phir bhii galat karta hii rahta hooN. But I will improve it with time.
Recently (in couple of months) I have posted here two new creations of mine 'tum yuN udaas na raha karo' (a nazm) and 'ye azaar haasil e ishq hai ,ab bach sakuN ye dua na de' (a ghazal), but you probably didn't read it. Anyway ! I will try to post something new once i get free from this conversion here or get some time to breath cool as I was in cph.
Thanks,anyway for your comment.
*HeArT HaCKeR Sahiba : * You always encourage me with your comment on my every creations. Now I rather wait for your comment on my posting. I sincerely thank you for it. Keep doing. I get encouragement for the next.
** GKK , blushing_vision ** : Thanks a lot for your liking the ghazal and for encouraging comment.
Pramod bhai ap ki ghazalz hotii hee itni achii hein k tareef kerne ko dil chahta hai.. well well.. aap bus 1 week mein apni koii new ghazal/poem post kerien..
Tum mere nahiN ho maloom hai, main bhi aur kisi ka hooN
Phir bhi tumhiN ko chahey hai, ye dil ki khudkushi dekho to
i dont like this thought…
insaan jis ka ho, usi ka ban k rehna chahiyae aur usi ko chahna chahiye…warna aap jis k hayn us k saath bewafai ho gi haena? agar aap jis k saath hayn us k saath poori tarha wafa naheen kar sakte toh woh us k saath nainsaafi ho gi..aur meri nazar mein kisi bhee insaan k saath nainsafi karna gunah hae…
aap ne ye bhee kaha hae ke jis k baray mein aap ne ghazal likhi hae unhon ne aap ke saath berukhi barti hae…is lyay aap ne jis shayr mein un logoon kee baat kee jo ishq ko apna mazhab samajhtay thay, woh aap kee misal mein naheen bethTe kyun ke woh do tarfa pyaar tha… jis jazbe ka izhaar aap ne is ghazal mein kya hae woh meri nazar mein pyar naheen balke zidd aur junoon hae…
hmm..
hope u wont mind my opinions…
i always enjoy ur poetry waise … please keep sharing on the forum, its a pleasure to read :k:
** irem jii **
First of all , let me admit sincerely that there is nothing to feel wrong in your opinian rather I am happy that you felt the sher in your heart and gave it time to explain me what you thought about it. It is a learning for me too.
Now let me explain my view point about the sher
Tum mere nahiN ho maloom hai, main bhi aur kisi ka hooN
Phir bhi tumhiN ko chahey hai, ye dil ki khudkushi dekho to
maiN ye maanta hooN ke kisii ko chaahna apne vash meiN nahiN hota. Here I am talking about “kisii ko chaahna” in a cheap sense. koii aap ko achha kabhii bhii lag sakta hai. es ka matlab ye nahin hai ke aap jiske haiN, oose nahiN chaahte ya oos ke liye chaahat kam ho gayee hai. It is just one of the emotions where shayaar is feeling gulity that heknows that he cannot get her so he blames his heart that the heart is trying to commit a suicide by crying for something he does not get. It is like a kid who cries for moon but he cannot get it. It is just one of the emotions and nothing else.
Now let me come to your next point. In ghazals, there is no link between one sher to other. One couplet is complete in itself. One sher will say about the beauty of your love and other at the same time tell you about a glass of wine. This is the beauty of ghazal. So just take one sher and that is the end of that emotions. The next sher is the next emotion. In nazm,we can begin with one emotions and finish it with the same. That is the little knowledge I have for ghazals.
Keep posting your views..it helps to understand human emotions/feeling which helps me to write the next one.
Pramod ji, thanks for ur reply and thanks for not minding :)
i can see what u r saying...
about ur first point...i guess maybe we have a slightly different opinon on this :) aap ne sahi kaha hae...insaan boht kuch mehsoos karta hae aur sochta hae...lekin mere khayal se kuch jazbaat aur sochein sahi hoti haen aur kuch ghalt...ye hamara kaam hae k hum ghalt jazbaat aur sochon ko damag ya dil k andar anay k foran baad hi radd kar deyn aur apnay oopar ye pabandi laga leyn k abb mein in sochon ko ya in jazbaat ko apnay dil o damag mein naheen anay doon ga...is tarhaan se mere khayal se jazbaat insaan k qaaboo mein hotay hayn aur chahat bhee...
agar koi kisi aisi cheez k lyay chaahat mehsoos karta hae jo us kee naheen hae toh us ko foran apnay dil ko samjha lena chahiyay k aisa mehsoos karna ghalt hae, aur mere khayal se agar woh waqayee chahay toh dil ko is baat ko maanNe par aamaada kar sakta hae...bayshak dil mein har kisam k ehsasat atay haen lekin koi ghalt ehsaas mehsoos karna aur us ko mehsoos kerte rehna aur us ka iqraar karna...kya ye ghalt naheen?
aap kee baat apni jagah sahi hae k kisi aur ko chahne se koi jis ka hae us k lyay chahat kamm naheen hoti...lekin...ye rishta mere khayal se aisa hota hae k is mein kisi aur teesre kee gunjaish naheen hoti...mere khayal se agar koi aise rishtay mein bandha ho toh us ka kisi aur ko us nazarye se chaHna hi is rishtay k barKhilaaf hae aur meri nazar mein ye nainsaafi aur bewafai hae...
abt the second point u made regarding ghazals and nazams...i did not know that ... thanks for explaining that :)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
Pramod ji, thanks for ur reply and thanks for not minding :)
i can see what u r saying...
about ur first point...i guess maybe we have a slightly different opinon on this :) aap ne sahi kaha hae...insaan boht kuch mehsoos karta hae aur sochta hae...lekin mere khayal se kuch jazbaat aur sochein sahi hoti haen aur kuch ghalt...ye hamara kaam hae k hum ghalt jazbaat aur sochon ko damag ya dil k andar anay k foran baad hi radd kar deyn aur apnay oopar ye pabandi laga leyn k abb mein in sochon ko ya in jazbaat ko apnay dil o damag mein naheen anay doon ga...is tarhaan se mere khayal se jazbaat insaan k qaaboo mein hotay hayn aur chahat bhee...
agar koi kisi aisi cheez k lyay chaahat mehsoos karta hae jo us kee naheen hae toh us ko foran apnay dil ko samjha lena chahiyay k aisa mehsoos karna ghalt hae, aur mere khayal se agar woh waqayee chahay toh dil ko is baat ko maanNe par aamaada kar sakta hae...bayshak dil mein har kisam k ehsasat atay haen lekin koi ghalt ehsaas mehsoos karna aur us ko mehsoos kerte rehna aur us ka iqraar karna...kya ye ghalt naheen?
aap kee baat apni jagah sahi hae k kisi aur ko chahne se koi jis ka hae us k lyay chahat kamm naheen hoti...lekin...ye rishta mere khayal se aisa hota hae k is mein kisi aur teesre kee gunjaish naheen hoti...mere khayal se agar koi aise rishtay mein bandha ho toh us ka kisi aur ko us nazarye se chaHna hi is rishtay k barKhilaaf hae aur meri nazar mein ye nainsaafi aur bewafai hae...
abt the second point u made regarding ghazals and nazams...i did not know that ... thanks for explaining that :)
[/QUOTE]
irem jii,
I understand what you are saying. Lekin aap ne bhii ye baat to maana hii hai na ke dil meiN kisi kii chaahat ka aana, aap ke wash meiN nahiN hai. haaN, oos chaahat to dil se nikaalne ka hunar sab meiN alag alag hota hai. es sher meiN bhii shaayar ye daleel nahiN de raha ke wo theek hai..wo sirf apne jazbaat ko bayaaN kar raha hai..wo bhii khud ke saamne..wo bhii jaanta hai ke ye jazbaat sahii nahiN hai. He is too fighting to come out from it. thai's it. I agree with every point of you lekin maiN shaayar ke jazbaat ko bhii mahsoos kar raha hooN..wo jazbaat galat ho sakte haiN lekin oon jabaatoN ka oos ke dil meiN aana shaayar ke vash meiN nahiN tha..he is telling the same thing...
Pramod ji, bilkul :) aap kee baat so feesad sahi hae and i understand what u said...
its jus...i dint agree with this emotion and wanted to say that ... but i totally see what u r saying that u were trying to depict that emotion :)
