Bit long, but funny:
You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “most admired people.”
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it..
You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen start your engines.”
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night..
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey watch this.”
Your junior prom had a day-care.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouerve
Fewer than half of your cars run.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your family tree doesn’t fork.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words “Trucking Institute”.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!”, “HEY!”, or “How Y’all Doin?” (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!)
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
You’ve been too drunk to fish.
You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right’
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures
You’ve ever financed a tattoo.
You have spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road”.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: “for a good time call…”, because you feel guilty about putting it there…
:k: