Thanks everyone for your replies. There more to this story.. Originally the biological father wanted nothing to do with his child and he hardly seen her once or twice a year, he was wife beater abusive alcoholic baster who used her for green card. My friend raised her daughter by herself for 8yrs until she re=married and her new husband knew about everything. she didn't hide anything from him, however though now biological father all of sudden came back in action and wanted to give fatherly love and I personally think that he is very much jealous of her getting married again and having wonderful life. SHE told me today that her husband said that he won’t be able to deal with this if her father keeps getting involve esp when there will be more occasions like graduation, marriage etc.etc... it's very twisted situation and I feel bad for my friend. Her suffering continues and she can't catch a break for once
Zafra.....you don't know how wrong you are.
There are many, many Pakistani men that will marry a divorced woman and/or a divorced woman with a child and care for that child as if it were his own.
An honorable and good man is one that helps in every effort to ensure that a child retains a healthy relationship with his/her biological father. Period.
NO
Its more like how honorable that ex-langoor is.
lets establish, current desi/typical/paki is an honerable man.
Now what is lingering here in dark is ex-langoor.
Now,if I was current. in the situation.
I would allow biological langoor to my living room
if
he comes with this current family, wife 3 of there own daughters etc.
But if
ex-langoor is hopping bars at night, picking up chicks etc
Then I would probably give him beating of his life time every time he come close to my family., that include the daughter.
so lets put pakistani husband aside and discuss the "ex" After all trouble started from there.
Some thing tells me he would be bo differnt then most of the "my dad was from pak"
What kind of day spare "2 hrs on week end for his child"
And who you fooling?? we are not goras couple weeks an hour don't make a healthy relation in our culture.
case closed.
court adjourned.
Thanks everyone for your replies. There more to this story..** Originally the biological father wanted nothing to do with his child and he hardly seen her once or twice a year, he was wife beater abusive alcoholic baster who used her for green card.** My friend raised her daughter by herself for 8yrs until she re=married and her new husband knew about everything. she didn't hide anything from him, however though now biological father all of sudden came back in action and wanted to give fatherly love and I personally think that he is very much jealous of her getting married again and having wonderful life. SHE told me today that her husband said that he won’t be able to deal with this if her father keeps getting involve esp when there will be more occasions like graduation, marriage etc.etc... it's very twisted situation and I feel bad for my friend. Her suffering continues and she can't catch a break for once
Originally the biological father wanted nothing to do with his child and he hardly seen her once or twice a year, he was wife beater abusive alcoholic baster who used her for green card.
So here's a simple question.....does she have sole legal custody?
sorry Monk.....I can't accept your logic if it begins with the assumption that the current Pakistani husband is an honorable man. I don't think that we have enough information to establish that.
and even if the ex was a langoor......if he has straightened up and made a better man out of himself....if he is fulfilling his obligations (financial and other) to his child, then he deserves to have access.
the legalities surrounding this case are of utmost importance.
the answer to Paheli's question is of significance.....
I see a lot of people saying here that the Pakistani husband has no right to stop the ex-husband from visiting his daughter but it is not what I got from OP’s post… the pakistani man has no issue with visitation…it’s just he doesn’t want the Ex anywhere near his house!! So?? Its just about being typical… what overreacting for? Pakistani Husband has no right!!
When is he stopping the biological father to meet his daughter???
Pakistanio ka naam badnaam kernay ka mauqa chahye bas
Secondly, my question to OP, did your friend not speak to her Husband already about the visitations OR that she has a daughter already and there can be the chances of visitations??
Her existing marriage is more important to her now and she should obey her husband and speak to the Ex about it how her current husband feels and that if he wants to meet his daughter, there is no restriction BUT then he (Ex) will have to manage the timings & not she!!
Actually I don’t think the second gentleman is a great person. The OP said he was. Anything else is merely supposition. Put it this way you assume that the man is jealous thus doesn’t allow the other man near his home correct? That is a reflection of your thought process. Not of the information provided. You have no information that he is jealous or anything of the sort correct?
If you have any evidence by all means do tell.
Because to quote you “If the legal custody agreement states that the biological father will pick up the child from the child’s residence, then preventing him from doing so violates a court order.” So would preventing him from taking the daughter. You are essentially contradicting yourself just to stick to your original point.
There are numerous cases where unfit parents get visitation rights correct? I will of course grant you the point that the woman is part of the home and its hers as well. And the point could be made that she could not stop visitation rights either. Plus as a major problem we lack the necessary information on the subject to make a informed decision. But redvelvet makes a fine point as well. Reverse the situation and change the genders. Would you still hold the same opinion?
You misunderstand my point. I was merely pointing out the fact that a man that can accept another man’s child can also potentially tolerate him in his home. It was a point to describe the gravity of each situation where one is based on emotional bonds and relationship and the other is merely a walk in. You assumption on what is plainly written is not a problem I have to address.
I am confused how a man’s ego comes into play as a reasonable explanation. The original post stated that he is a good man and a good father. Any man knows that if you can accept someone else’s kid it is a very major step. Most men forget Pakistani men are unwilling to do so. If you use this small forum as a microcosm on that matter most would not personally agree to the idea. If a man is willing to accept someone else’s kid as his own and is described as a good husband and good father it would be a small leap to assume he has come to terms with his ego.
I am merely providing alternatives in a calm manner. I still stick to my term of dead beat dad. You are welcome to disagree with me but with such limited information, but there is by no means any right or wrong answer.
The only thing it proves is that personal biases are considered some form of right and wrong.
sorry Monk.....I can't accept your logic if it begins with the assumption that the current Pakistani husband is an honorable man. I don't think that we have enough information to establish that.
and even if the ex was a langoor......if he has straightened up and made a better man out of himself....if he is fulfilling his obligations (financial and other) to his child, then he deserves to have access.
the legalities surrounding this case are of utmost importance.
the answer to Paheli's question is of significance.....
Actually you do. The original post said so. More so it states he is a great father and a great husband. You can seek to reread the post if you wish. The entire premise for the point taken is that he is a good man.
And thank you very much. Abusive husband who beat his wife to get a green card.
I guess I was right after all. Now where is Watson? My Sherlock needs a Watson.
The ex was a jerk (to put it lightly) in the past…but why does the current husband have a problem with the daughter being picked up from home RIGHT NOW? As far as we know, the ex is not abusing the wife right now, we don’t know if he’s STILL an alcholic or has shown up at the house under the influence, and there is no mention that the ex has in any way abused the daughter.
The ex abandoned the wife/child in the past. The current husband married under the assumption that the ex is out of the picture permanently. I guess he somehow really convinced himself that the ex will NEVER come back for his daughter. And now 8+ years later, the biological father wants to be involved, the 2nd husband says he won’t be able to handle it if the biological father wants to see the daughter on her birthday, attend her graduation/wedding etc. If not for this ego, then why not?
Either way…I do agree with you that there is no right or wrong answer here. We can only go by the limited information that’s posted. We will just have to agree to disagree on the whole dead beat dad issue.
Tell me this would you allow an abusive man near a son or daughter you have taken in as your own?
This is honestly truly amazing. A woman is abused, beaten and most likely emotionally tortured by a man who abandoned her and her child 8 years ago and you lot still can't get over your egos and accept you were being judgmental? More importantly you were wrong about everything you posted and then you had the nerve to get uppity and on your high horses.
You ladies need to spend less time on the internet and patting yourselves on the back with likes and step out into the real world.
Remember this ladies. Once a man hits a woman. That is a door open that never closes.
I am actually surprised it is not the Mother who has an issue with the ex coming around to her home. That is her safety zone. If the ex was abusive in the past, SHE should not be OK with him coming within 50 feet of her home cause this violates her safety. Fair enough, he's not hitting her now, but this can still be psychologically violating.
I've seen in several family law cases I have worked on where the pick up/drop off location is a neutral location like Mc D's playground or a coffee shop.
I am surprised she is not the one who is pushing for a different location for the pick up/drop off. Are you sure she's not using her husband as an excuse?
It doesn’t make sense. Allegedly the woman herself suffered all the abuse yet doesn’t have a problem with the husband coming to the home or even getting back into the child’s life…but it’s the 2nd husband that can’t handle it? And if the mother herself has an issue…why would she use her husband an an excuse while discusing this with a trusted friend?
Of course, none of this would even be an issue if the mother has sole custody.
Let me get this straight. I just want to make sure i am reading. Just because something doesn't make sense to you (a random person on the internet) personally it can't be true? Wow.
Then I am assuming they all follow the same stereotypical model for abusive relationships?
You say some thing and then you “like” a post which is 100% opposing your views.
Usually people do that kind of thinking in their head, I am glad you share it with us.
sorry if this has already been clarified......but what is the legal ruling in this situation?
does she have custody?
does he have visitation rights that the courts have awarded him?
because if he does then his rights cannot be denied by the new husband.
as many have suggested, the best thing is to follow the law.
if you disagree with a ruling then contest it with evidence of misbehaviour.
it really doesn't matter how good/honorable anyone is until you consider legalities.....
And if the mother herself has an issue…why would she use her husband an an excuse while discusing this with a trusted friend?
you think loud we can all read it.