Forget the feelings bit for a second - does this guy guarantee a comfortable future? He isn't educated beyond high school, so how does he plan to support you once you're married?
Adding on what Zulaykha said, where do you plan to live after you get married? I would guess England, and with that in mind what are his career prospects with his current level of education.
I know seeing everyone else happy about this proposal makes you want to give in to the whole sacrificial feelings in doing this for everyone else, but the truth of the matter is that it's you who needs to be happy at the end of the day. Taking everyone's happiness into account is great and all, but don't just go ahead with this because of that. Who knows, they might be happy if a better proposal comes along, someone else who you can better connect with...Anyhow from what i can tell, you are considering this proposal so i think it's necessary that you take some time and get to know him better because it's you who will be living your life with him, not everyone else.
whoa! no way! that guys a definite no no, no matter how nice he is or whateevr the family’s saying, its ure future,in 40 years time its gonna be u in those shoes, not ure mum, dad, or anyone else in the family :k:
iv never had a proper conversation with the guy but all i know is that he decent & is nice,i do like him...he is my first cousin.so its kinda very complicated, im not really sure...my no would upset MANY,do you think i should say no if im not sure but parents think its all good?
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Originally posted by zulaykha: *
Forget the feelings bit for a second - does this guy guarantee a comfortable future? He isn't educated beyond high school, so how does he plan to support you once you're married?
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that is what makes me want to say no,i mean the whole process of getting him here,then letting him settle in...& work in a factory???
*depressed
he'd always have to deal with this complex of being 'uneducated'.. not to mention having to adjust in a foreign culture with virtually no education.. (Matric only is not education .. unless he topped the board and for some reason didn't want to continue getting a formal education).
How long do u plan to hand hold him?
and why are you depressed?? it's not your fault he's not a good match for you..
ppl i have to agree with Madhanee here,
in Aus and in pak i have seen people not studying after grade 12 and or 10
but they did it because the dont wanted to be as main stream professionals. then might be a busines man working for family business, or Mechanic , electrician running their own business.
so what ?? there is nothing wrong with it.
even if he is high educated no one can gauranteed him secure job in UK.
but if he is a non main stream professional and will just do a certificate in UK he will be earing hell more than main stream professionals e.g. an avg auto mechanic charge $30/hour minimum in Australia an dthat is cash in hand and a nomar call centre tech get $16/hr.
so i would suggest , have a chat with him , talk to him , ask him why he didnt studied . and there is no bad in asking this from your potential future partner. there are no cons and you will end up learnign more about that person.
always remmebr you marry ar person in whole and no one is perfect.
but if he is a lazy ass then he is definately a no go.
Re: Would you....
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*Originally posted by Madhanee: *
Go for it Still. The educated paki boys in England are not really any good a catch. You have the opportunity to mold him into something you want. He will be your slave forever.
Education is irrelevant. It’s just what society expects you to have in common with your spouse (only the Desi society). The real education is to have an open mind and not let the petty differences hinder your judgment calls. If you don’t want to marry him, find some other reason, such as that he is immature and/or mentally unstable.
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I don't agree with you, education is important, its not just what the society expects it makes you a better person! what makes you think that the guys in pak are open minded or you can mold them into something you want or they'll be your slaves. You sure u have been to pak. I have seen so many guys who come here from pak and they order their wives around, treat them like slaves and torture them.
Still my dear what are you thinking woman? I m sorry. dont wanna sound too harsh, BUT the guy is not educated enough to take care of u and live up to his role as a husband when he arrives in UK. period!
My reason for being negative : see too many examples of naive girls wanting to please their families ending up in miserable marriages!
He might be nice and decent but he will bring all his cultural heritage with him. A matric pass guy from Pakistan wont be able to handle an educated and career oriented wife.He would just have complexes and make ur life hard for u. And when u would feel alone, no one would be there for u. Not even the family u sacrificed urself for.
This is how things are for all those desi girls abroad coping with complex ke maare husbands from Pakistan. Just explain ur parents that u want to wait with this marriage stuff. but dont sacrifice urself.
I can tell u that I was in a similar situation but I denied all I could and it did hurt many but now things are getting normal. And even if they dont I know it was not the best for me to do so I am satisfied:)
I really hope u'll reconsider what u will put urself through.
I don't know what advice to give you girl...he is a nice guy and you like each other but it's the rough parts of life that make things difficult. Who knows how he'll respond to living over seas and being in an unfamiliar environment with you in control...
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*Originally posted by Miss Choudary: *
: see too many examples of naive girls wanting to please their families ending up in miserable marriages!
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same here...or they end up divorced OR the only one working outside and inside the home. i know of someone who was engaged to a taxi driver then went onto to completed her degreee and became an accoutant..they got married since her parents had said yes and coudlnt' go back on their word..and 5 years later they were divorced.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Miss Choudary: *
I can tell u that I was in a similar situation but I denied all I could and it did hurt many but now things are getting normal.
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I was too...though they were "educated"...and yes it rocks the boat BUT now i'm married, allahmdullilha he's a great guy and my parents love him and i'm the first girl one not married to a cousin or in our zaat.
it's a tough situation and there are times you are alone...but remember you may be miserable for a few years..better that then missery for many more.
thanx everyone for your replies...
Miss Choudary...im a choudry too...sigh
well...guys...to be honest...i posted this up after saying yes, & then when i was doubting my decision...now im still not sure if i want to say no...but im not really sure i want the yes to remain a yes either...i think il leave it n whatevers in my kismet il get that,i guess.
Still, I am not sure how old you guys are, but isnt it possible that if you guys really like each other, you can do nikah. He can come out here, study for 4 years or so and find a job???And then you can do rukhsati later on???
Still my dear sister I already told you what I think 
I meant every word of it.
Aik baat kahoon yaar, bura naheen manana kasmay I’m saying only to you what I tell myself coz I think of you like my sister, that abhee hum itnay baray naheen huay aur na kabhee ho saktay haen that we can doubt our parents’ decisions and say no to our parents decisions. If they ask for your opinion, tell them, if you have concerns discuss them, but in the end you have to listen to them yaar. Whatever we are today is because of our parents yaar, always always remember that.
Yaar education is not everything in the world. Education does not make a person a better human being. If two people really care for each other, they can ignore all such things to make each other happy. I’ve been around some of the most educated people of the world as well as chittay unparh people from pinds yaar. Education does not make a person more kind hearted or caring or even have better manners.
Your family likes him, his family likes you. You are from one family, you won’t have to adjust to new people. Sab dekha bhala hae. Everyone wants you guys to get married. His mother wants you to be her bahu mashallah. You met him and he is a nice and decent guy. You are so lucky yaar mashallah and Allah karay tu raaj karay 
You’re already in England. You’ll never face shortage of roti, kapra and makaan inshallah. Basic needs are already taken care of and a comfortable living is already ensured. You are both young people with good health, kisi ke mohtaaj nahi ho ge, apna kama kha saktay ho kabhee bhookay naheen raho ge Allah ne chaha to and as for kids, when Allah sends someone in this world, He provides for them too. Don’t worry too much about things. You will get what is in your kismat and one should be happy with that yaar, one shouldn’t want more. Money never gave peace to anyone’s soul and paisa aani jaani cheez hoti hae yaar.
And you know what yaar, him earning a comfortable living for you does not depend on his degree. Who said uneducated people can’t earn money?
As for complexes, even a PHD can have complexes yaar, education has got nothing to do with it, its more about personality. Yaar if he is a good and kind hearted sensible person why will he treat you badly for not fault of yours? Even if he does feel insecure about his lack of education yaar, you have to make him feel secure and confident. Once you are married, never ever look down at him for your being more educated or think of yourself higher. Your relationship has to be based on mutual respect for each other as human beings yaar and you should always look up to each other. Give him the very full respect that is his right as your husband and everything else will follow.
Also yaar, I don’t agree with this molding thing. Don’t be under the misconception or enter the relationship thinking you have power over him to change him or control him. You don’t want a slave. You want a life partner. You should like and respect him for who he is and let him be his own person. Why force him to change for you? Just let him be and love him for who he is because he is your husband.
Also yaar, him being from Pakistan, from your family, that will also keep your family intact and will always keep your and your future generations’ close to the culture and your cultural roots, thats also such a beautiful thing yaar.
Think about him too yaar. Maybe he would also just prefer somebody who was from his pind and the culture he’s grown up in and who would prefer cleaning the house and cooking and taking care of kids rather than having somewhat of a career as your intention is. Isn’t it yaar? Maybe he also wants to stay there in his pind and not come all the way to England, leaving his family behind. Maybe he also has misconceptions about you, being a girl in England that you are ‘nakchiri, nakhreeli, maadran’. Don’t you feel that would be unfair of him to think of you like that yaar? In the same way, its unfair of you to make misconceptions in your mind about him.
I have faith in you yaar. I know you are a very good and loving girl 
I think you are capable of making this work 
inshallah. Allah teri kismat achee karay aameen aur tujhay khushiaan de
Also, this is a sensitive issue yaar, don’t take advice about this issue from everyone yaar. Aisi baatein har kisi se discuss naheen kartay banda confuse ho jata hae aur har kisi kee niyyat bhee saaf naheen hoti log nazar bhee laga dete haen. Everyone will give you advice based on their own thinking but you only know what your situation is, what your family is, what your culture is. Do what you think will make everyone happy and that will give you happiness too kasmay.
If you ever want tasalli and are feeling low of himmat you know were to find me
Rab Rakha
Irem baji aap ne mera dil jeet liya! lol
seriously jee! makhan nahi lagaa raha!
Hum aap ke baare main yaani aap ki personality, aap ki soch, aap ka background, aap ki har cheez ke baare main bahut acha sochte the! laiken aap Humaari tawaqqoaat se kaheen zyaada oonchi nikleen!
Aik baat to Hum daawe se keh sakte hain keh aap ke hone waale wo intahaayi khushkismat insaan honge!
Har sawal or doubt ka jawab itni khoobsurti se dena, Humain bahut acha lagga!
Aakhir main aap ke naam aik sher:
Chaand taaron ka noor aap per barse
Har koi aap ki chaahat ko tarse
Aap ki zindagi main aayen itni khushiyaan
Keh aap aik gham paane ko tarsain!
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Still,
If you and your family is happy with this guy then go ahead and marry him. There's nothing wrong with it but don't marry him just because you feel "sorry" for him in any way. Marriage is not a charity.
Hum Hain meray pyaray chotay bhai…tumhara kin lafzon se shukriya ada karoon k tum ne mujhay itni ziaada izzat bakshi hae jis kee mein kisi tor pe mustahiq bhee naheen hoon…tumhare alfaaz parh k meri aankhein nam ho gayi haen…Allah tum ko hamesha khush rakhay aabaad rakhay aameen…ye tumhara barapan hae k tum ne mere baray mein ye sab socha aur mujhay itni izzat dee…
mein itni achee naheen hoon magar…mujhay itnay oonchay moqaam pe mat rakho…kasmay…jis ka nibhana mere lyay mushkil ho jayay aur phir tumhein mayoosi ho…mein bas aik aam c Allah ki gunahgaar bandi hoon…jo kuch mein ne likha hae…ye to khayalat haen…lekin mere af’aal itnay achay naheen…bas Allah se dua hae ke mujhay nayki kee tofeek de…aur tum aur tumharay tamam ghar walon dost ahbaab ko hameshan hameshan khush aur aabaad rakhay aameen sum aameen