Don't men have issues regarding living with their inlaws? How many desi men are happily living with their wife's parents?
It's natural to not complain about your own parents. I have seen plenty of men complain about their mother in laws but never about their own mother. Anyone who expects someone to treat their inlaws just like they would treat their own blood is living in some fantasy world. Obviously I cannot love my mother in law the way I love my mom and my husband cannot love my mother like he love his own. This is NATURAL. We don't hold grudge against our parents if they ever say something to us that we don't want to hear but it's not the same when inlaws say the same thing. This goes for both men and women.
And I have seen plenty of men living with their mothers but never living with their wife's parents..
Same goes for men not accepting their wives extended family.
Your argument about why man does not want to stay with wife's parents, you know this is our desi culture, even your parents has done the same thing.
(again i am talking about cultural context if you want to ignore cultural norms then i have nothing to argue) In any marriage man is the one given man duty to be provided for wife as well as taking care extended family (specially parents). Basically this is one of reason they like stay with them.
Also culturally for man chose to stay at In-Laws house would called GHAR JAWAI and does not given any respect. Even I am not looking for GHAR JAWAI for my own daughters.
Now come to girl, our society does not impose same duty of care for parents on them as son (no one is stopping them to do whatever they could).
So it is reasonable to expect for son to stay with parents to fulfill his duties, and also reasonable for him to refuse to become GHAR JAWAI.
Your argument about why man does not want to stay with wife's parents, you know this is our desi culture, even your parents has done the same thing.
(again i am talking about cultural context if you want to ignore cultural norms then i have nothing to argue) In any marriage man is the one given man duty to be provided for wife as well as taking care extended family (specially parents). Basically this is one of reason they like stay with them.
Also culturally for man chose to stay at In-Laws house would called GHAR JAWAI and does not given any respect. Even I am not looking for GHAR JAWAI for my own daughters.
Now come to girl, our society does not impose same duty of care for parents on them as son (no one is stopping them to do whatever they could).
So it is reasonable to expect for son to stay with parents to fulfill his duties, and also reasonable for him to refuse to become GHAR JAWAI.
This is why desi culture is so messed up and we hear of so many saas-bahu fights. Do you think it's a daughter in laws responsibility to take care of her husbands parents? They are not her parents. She will not take care of them as their own daughter would and she shouldn't be expected to either.
You may not see anything wrong with this society, but I see tons of problems arising from this joint family system therefore I wouldn't put myself through this. If this system seems fine to you, thats great. Just not my cup of tea.
This is why desi culture is so messed up and we hear of so many saas-bahu fights. Do you think it's a daughter in laws responsibility to take care of her husbands parents? They are not her parents. She will not take care of them as their own daughter would and she shouldn't be expected to either.
You may not see anything wrong with this society, but I see tons of problems arising from this joint family system therefore I wouldn't put myself through this. If this system seems fine to you, thats great. Just not my cup of tea.
That is want i said earlier, if you do not care about our culture then i have nothing to discuss.
By the way, just for your knowledge Islam does not ask DIL to take care husbands parents it is his job not her but he has right to keep his parents with him.
Lets take it to another level. What if your man ask you to cut ties with your parents. How may of you will do? remember he is very loving , caring and kind to you ...
well, thats a contradiction then... i wouldnt think hes so "loving, caring and kind to me" if he forbade me seeing/meeting with my parents or cut ties with them...
well, thats a contradiction then... i wouldnt think hes so "loving, caring and kind to me" if he forbade me seeing/meeting with my parents or cut ties with them...
kewl. My dhaga (thread) is working well. It was supposed to be mirror to girls and its acting as I wanted it to. Keep all the posts coming girls :)
Re: Would you leave your husband if...
would i leave him? no - but as lipstick mentioned..... my tolerance for his parents and family would probably decrease. What goes around............................... comes around eh?
In general I think women are more likely to stay in marriage if this is the only issue. Having the security of marriage is really important in our culture for women. Divorce is considered a taboo. Women are more tolerant for these reasons in my opinion.