Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
no i wouldn't but then i'd make it clear to him that i will treat his parents and siblings exactly how he treats mine
Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
Please don't wound him ... (title) and please keep GS khoon-kharaba free!
Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
No man is ever worth it if he can't respect my mum/siblings. EVER. I don't care if he's the love of my life, everybody leaves so he might as well too.
Also, he (whoever 'he' is) can say the exact same thing to me if he wants, actually I'd expect it, but I'd try my utmost best to respect his family.
I don't think any married person can tell me 'well you're wrong once you're married life changes you have to make adjustments blah blah blah' the line's overly crossed if you have the nerve to disrespect my family and not even apologize for it, especially if I've vowed to do that for yours.
Ofcourse we'd try to sort it out but if it looks like we're getting nowhere then Adios.
No man is ever worth it if he can't respect my mum/siblings. EVER. I don't care if he's the love of my life, everybody leaves so he might as well too.
............
Here lies the answer why some men would leave women if they argue, fight or disrespect their mothers or family members.
(Read the thread of PSQ and many others in past)
Some don't want to marry women if their mothers do not approve and men sense a problem in future! (Read three threads of girlie?)
Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
I know where this is going so let me be frank:
The thing with girls is that they try to be the middle person and work things out with both parties. Girls will defend, argue and make their parents look at their husbands with favor or at least tolerance. Ive not seen many man open up threads about how their wives are making their lives hell by listening to her parents and making him do things they want him to do. How many guys open up threads on Daddy's girls?
Men dont do that. Men become a victim of mummy-ne-bola syndrome.
Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
It's the tribal mentality. Blood comes first.
Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
Perhaps it is because, any or combination of these:
1- Many times women go to men house. Sometimes far away.
2- Men usually do not complain. ;)
3- Daddy's are also men! And men 'usually' are not against men.
4- At many homes, men get a lot of respect from FIL. As compared to MIL to her DIL or DIL to MIL.
5- FIL are afraid of Son-IL...!? ;)
6- Men are less emotional and are diplomatic.
Perhaps it is because, any or combination of these:
1- Many times women go to men house. Sometimes far away.
2- Men usually do not complain. ;)
3- Daddy's are also men! And men 'usually' are not against men.
**4- At many homes, men get a lot of respect from FIL. As compared to MIL to her DIL.
5- FIL are afraid of Son-IL...!?** ;)
This is pretty much it. Men hold the power in the relationship. If he wants to move her away from her family, she has to comply. If he doesn't want to be too social with her family, cousins, extended relatives, he can dip out. He has issues with his in-laws, they probably wont even bother him from miles away for fear he will leave their daughter.
Our Pakistani women don't have that kind of power in the relationship. For one, they dont have any financial independence to get out of the marriage safely, they don't have much of an education in general to stand up and logically argue with the husband, and even if she is a smart cookie with or without an education or job, her family will not be so supportive of her disobeying her husband no matter how silly his requests are.
And prior to marriage, so many people lie on issues like hijaab, privelege to keep her job, privelege to pursue more education, and allowances to travel and visit family, etc, that its hard to tell if you're going to end up in a marriage where he just tries to change everything about you to suit his power trips.
This is pretty much it. Men hold the power in the relationship. If he wants to move her away from her family, she has to comply. If he doesn't want to be too social with her family, cousins, extended relatives, he can dip out. He has issues with his in-laws, they probably wont even bother him from miles away for fear he will leave their daughter.
Our Pakistani women don't have that kind of power in the relationship. For one, they dont have any financial independence to get out of the marriage safely, they don't have much of an education in general to stand up and logically argue with the husband, and even if she is a smart cookie with or without an education or job, her family will not be so supportive of her disobeying her husband no matter how silly his requests are.
And prior to marriage, so many people lie on issues like hijaab, privelege to keep her job, privelege to pursue more education, and allowances to travel and visit family, etc, that its hard to tell if you're going to end up in a marriage where he just tries to change everything about you to suit his power trips.
You took mostly wrong impression from my post but some correct analysis.
The part you had wrong impression when you talked about Pakistani women only.
Also, the post was meant to show that living away from in-laws, men do not have that much interaction. So less chances of 'kaht PAt' between him and her family.
Other thing you did not emphasize is that men usually are less emotional, more diplomatic and are not so much against other men.
I have written somewhere before: Anywhere you would see in Showbiz (actresses in their real life) to real life of common people, women are the biggest enemies of other women! And that many women do not seem to realize, acknowledge or accept...let alone find the remedies for it.
Small example:
Ever heard so much any male actor talking bad about other male actor?
Yet from east to west, you hear female actors snapping, dishing at each other.
P.S.
Someone opened thread about feminists and it was a bad taste I agree, but I think this feminism has given much more problems to women than if it was not so much popular.
Women in the heat of feminism do or say things which really disrespect women in general and not all women love to jump in to this feminism boat for the same reason.
Let me add something here: Men in all the weaknesses and shortcomings one can come up with, still are the best feminists!
You took mostly wrong impression from my post but some correct analysis.
The part you had wrong impression when you talked about Pakistani women only.
Also, the post was meant to show that living away from in-laws, men do not have that much interaction. So less chances of 'kaht PAt' between him and her family.
Other thing you did not emphasize is that men usually are less emotional, more diplomatic and are not so much against other men.
I have written somewhere before: Anywhere you would see in Showbiz (actresses in their real life) to real life of common people, women are the biggest enemies of other women! And that many women do not seem to realize, acknowledge or accept.
Small example: Ever heard so much any male actor talking bad about other male actor?
Yet from east to west, you hear female actors snapping, dishing at each other.
Would that you men realized how useful this could be if applied to the DIL-inlaws relationship.
Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
jo kheta hai wo khud hota hai. :)
Would that you men realized how useful this could be if applied to the DIL-inlaws relationship.
Sorry, did not quite get the question, but based on whatever I understood, as I mentioned many times in these situations she has to live with his family so more chances of troubles.
I started after PSQ post where she asked why men don't open similar threads on in-laws.
:k: exactly
He knows the value i hold for my parents, nothing they could do would stop me from cutting ties with them.
If he did not approve of my decision, he can walk 
You only get 1 set of parents, you can always get another husband 
Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
no.. i will talk to him
Let me ask you this--how can you be good to your wife if you have no respect for her parents?
Why not??
There are two different relationships, it is perfectly possible that one do not have good relationship with In-Laws but both loves each other.
GS is full with the stories (mostly from ladies though) do not like/ could not stand IN-LAWS, then what is wrong when husband have same attitude towards his in-laws (as long as he do not interfere in daughter/ parents relationship).
Re: Wound you leave your husband if...
I don't think I can tolerate a husband whos disrespectful towards my parents.
I don't think I can tolerate a husband whos disrespectful towards my parents.
NO one like it but it all boils down to the story behind. On other side they have licence to do same about hubby's parents.
Sorry it is not generalization but an observation we have seen, when come to in-laws ladies are quite proactive to their privacy but they never have same issue with their own parents.
Partially off course once married they are not living with them, but still it is very rear any lady complains about her parents. It seems all bad apples come from Husband side.
I have a neighbor the wife never stayed with In-Laws, but more then happy to host her own parents at her home for years.
I do not says all In-Laws are bad, but there could be problem with ladies accepting Husband's extended family.
..he is good with you but for some reason he keep on showing disrespect for you ammi/abbu and other siblings almost every day?
That's a definate NO for me. Whenever anyone asks what i would be looking for in my husband, one of the thing on my priority is that he be respectful towards not only me but my family too.
Having said that, if he's good with me bt not with my parents that would make me do some thinking too. I will have it analysed why he behaves the way he does with my parents and if we have given him the reason to do so. However that wouldnt mean i wl tolerate his **** cuz no matter what, two wrongs don't make a right. If your in-laws r nt very friendly with u, u can be the same to them but cant compromise on their respect.
But i will def not let it go on like this, i wl make sure the misunderstanding r clear n that all is well. Cuz your parents n your husband r the most imp people in your life so how would want them not to get along well.
NO one like it but it all boils down to the story behind. On other side they have licence to do same about hubby's parents.
Sorry it is not generalization but an observation we have seen, when come to in-laws ladies are quite proactive to their privacy but they never have same issue with their own parents.
Don't men have issues regarding living with their inlaws? How many desi men are happily living with their wife's parents?
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Partially off course once married they are not living with them, but still it is very rear any lady complains about her parents. It seems all bad apples come from Husband side.
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It's natural to not complain about your own parents. I have seen plenty of men complain about their mother in laws but never about their own mother. Anyone who expects someone to treat their inlaws just like they would treat their own blood is living in some fantasy world. Obviously I cannot love my mother in law the way I love my mom and my husband cannot love my mother like he love his own. This is NATURAL. We don't hold grudge against our parents if they ever say something to us that we don't want to hear but it's not the same when inlaws say the same thing. This goes for both men and women.
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I have a neighbor the wife never stayed with In-Laws, but more then happy to host her own parents at her home for years.
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And I have seen plenty of men living with their mothers but never living with their wife's parents..
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I do not says all In-Laws are bad, but there could be problem with ladies accepting Husband's extended family.
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Same goes for men not accepting their wives extended family.