Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so badly.

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

I stopped reading it after the part about him strangling you and looking you int he eyes while he did that. Sorry but this is a relationship that will end in either further miscarriages or murder. Your choice, even though it's already made up.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

I also want to sincerely advise you to pray Istikhara. From firsthand experience I can honestly say that it lightens your heart to handover you decision to Allah (swt) and know in your heart that from this moment on, whatever happens regarding the matter you prayed over is for the best, is what Allah decided is best for you, and is for your happiness.

I was going through with making a decision and I had no clue what to do, even after making a decision I still didnt feel confident with the option I chose, so I prayed Istikhara and it completley took the stress away from me, as now I know that whatever happens now in my life is for the best. It made me feel 1000 times better and whatever happens in your life - you will know that it is for the best InshaAllah :)

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

^

I am so sorry but I disagree from you and I'm sure the rest of the people will also do the same. Why? Because no matter how much time you take off from a strained relationship like rockon has, you will end up in the same hell hole when you get back. No matter how much time you stay apart. People like her husband don't change. People who threaten their wives with belts just because a test result would come negative do not change. People who stare in their wives eyes while strangling her do not change.

Rockon, it's pretty obvious what you want. You are just afraid to admit and take a step about it. Please have some mercy on yourself and make a better life for yourself away from your psychologically challenged husband. All my prayers for you.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

your husband is scary o.O

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

you need validation from the rest of the us??

with what you wrote. there is ZERO chance of it working out. So leave.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

OP: I hope everything works out for you :hugz:

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

This is probably the biggest pet peeve ever.

Another vote for leaving him... take the house loan wth you too.. that'll teach him.

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Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so badly.

I think deep down you MUST love your husband. You may not think so or you may not want to believe it but it's true! Why else are you so double minded about leaving him? Okay fine he has a really sweet, sincere side to him but that's just his way of manipulating you. If your husband REALLY loved you he would never abuse you like this. A real man NEVER lays a finger on his woman.

You need to be really strong and you NEED to get him out of your life... Or you'll just become one of those really sad women who have been victims of domestic violence - your actually there admittedly.

I feel so sad that your going through this and I pray and hope that you get rid of this disgusting excuse of a man. I feel even more sad that your own mother is not supporting you But she's actually condoning his behaviour??? Real men are NOT like this.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

No, this is not love. Atleast not from his side. You have your answers. The fact that he threatened you with a belt, and tried strangling you is seriously ridiculously scary. Your mom is coming from a different point of view. But you, yourself know better of your situation. It seems scary because this guy can go to a horrendous extend when things don't go his way. Please don't risk your life and you happiness for something you already know isn't what you want.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

No it's not love, it's insanity.

You work, you earn $$ i assume, and you have no kids? What's stopping you from leaving?

Many women are stuck in worse situations but are also financially dependent on their husbands/don't have parental support/have kids, so they don't have much choice. I understand waht it's like to be in that mindset that you dont' think you can leave--but honey you have those 2 things going for you. anyone in your situation would KILL to have those. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad or minimize your problems...but you have something that others don't. take advantage of it. It's ok that you tried and it didn't work out....mistakes happen and it's a part of life.

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Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so badly.

Him being violent is the reason enough to leave him for good. But emotional abuse is also a big issue here.

  1. Of course he will portray himself as the perfect angelic husband in public whilst behaving otherwise in private; this is deliberate and makes it all the more difficult for you to fault him, in front of relatives.

In fact it will reflect badly on you because no one can associate your views with this man. But what they dont know is what he's like in private, shows the real him. It is the sole reason he gets away with strangling you as a 'joke.'

  1. Abusers are very manipulative. They will chip away at you gradually over a long period of time, in order to break you. And when they've done that, they can behave as they wish because they know you wont be able to stand up against them. So being overly sweet with the occasional abuse, is normal behaviour of abusers. They need to keep you somehow and thats how they play havoc with your feelings.

  2. He wont be changing. In fact it will only get worse. The more you comply the easier it is for him to abuse. 7 years has probably shown you that already.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

Leave him! Leave him before it's too late. He is not going to change.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

sup reckon. Yo i recently been out with a woman who went through similiar experience with her husband in Pakistan. She left him immediately and she prays to God..she is out of this abusive relationship. My advice for ya would be..come out of this. I know it is probably not easy for ya..but do it in a way that ya gather support around you. This maniac god forbid can take your life too. So take most care of yourself.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

Its hard for you to leave him because you care about him. How do you live with someone, share a bed with him and see him every single day for 7 years and not care about them? How do you go through so much and not end up caring?

You know what you need to do. People don't hit people they care about or love, do they? He is used to you...you are a habit and also his survival to a certain extent.

You're educated, employed, good looking...............what reason do you have (sane reason) to stay with a guy like him?

If your husband keeps abusing you...you will have no one to blame but yourself. Allah swt doesn't help those who don't help themselves.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

This quote admittedly I didnt write myself but it helped me immensely and I write it here for my sister Rockon, and all my other sisters on this website who are in similar situations.

You can always take the easy way out, and give up but real strength comes when you decide to keep pushing no matter what the circumstances are. Things may get worse before they get better. But when they do, always remember who let you down, and who helped you up. In life, you'll realize that there is a purpose for everybody you meet. Some are there to test you. Some will use you. Some will teach y
ou. And some will bring out the best in you. Your life is a gift to the world, take that gift, and use it wisely. If you are facing a new challenge, or being asked to do something that you have never done before, don’t be afraid to step out. You have more capability than you think you do, but you will never see it unless you place a demand on yourself for more. You are unique and one of a kind, no one else is quite like you. You can make your life be anything you want it to be. Remember to take one day at a time. Pain makes you stronger. Tears makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future. xxxx

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

okay.I have no idea why i didnt read this before. i am sorry i am so wrapped in my trivial issues that other peoples issues are ignored by me. this really is serious and i hope you leave this marriage. amen.plus, i dont think you sound pakistani, sorry but your english is very fluently written. you live in pakistan, but are you from the states or somewhere else?Do leave this marriage and i think havning no kids is gods way of telling you something.

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Are you serious?!! Are you saying that pakistani people don't write fluently??? I'm pakistani and I'm very capable to write in good English. Speak for yourself!

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

^ lol i dont think it was meant to offend anyone. i think she was speaking generally. obviously not about you. and i think she meant about people who speak english as a second language IN pakistan.

anyway, its really sad to read this. not to bring pakistani dramas into it but your hubby sounds exactly like the husband on maat e jaan. it sounds like a destructive relationship and like everyone else has said here, i think you know what you need to do.

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Re: Would you consider this controlling behavior? Is this love? I want to leave so ba

NO sweetie, this is not love, its abusive.