Would you consider a proposal that was sent for your cousin in the past? If your answer is yes, does it make a difference which side rejected the proposal … your cousin or the other party?
What if initially you didn’t know this history but found out after you started talking? Would you back out or go ahead?
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
personally no but i dont see anything wrong with it.
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
If I see glimpses of a bright future ahead, I wouldn't ever give a care about the said history.
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
you need to esplain how is your relationship with the cousin family and the kind of people they are..
hypothetically, if the other side rejected your cousin's rishta.........and you go ahead and accept it........there is potential for a lot of drama in the khandaan.
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
*1. Would I consider it?
*
- Probably not because of possible drama in the family later on down the line. I would be asking if the families have really moved on from the rejected rishta? How badly did they take it?
** 2. If my answer to the first question was yes, does it make a difference which side rejected?**
- Possibly. If the girl side rejected, then that could mean something is/was wrong with the guy/other issues. If the guy side rejected, then what was wrong with the girl? (I would be thinking if I have any similarities with her because if there are any, then there's a possibility that I may be rejected later on down the line too. Either way, you would need to find out WHY the rishta was rejected).
** 3.If I didn't know of the past history?**
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
It depends; if I thought I could live happily with said ristaa person I'd go for it.
Personally though I'm married in family, and sadly regret the decision; the only blessing from it is my daughter. Everything else is just screwed up because of hidden agendas and family politics.
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
It depends on the family dynamics. Are you and he serious about each other? Are your families the kind that will raise issues and hold grudges?
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
Agree with Reha^ Families that hold grudges can cause issued between even the strongest of couples.
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
Well, actually, this already happened in the past so nothing can be done to change the outcome. I just wanted some opinions on what people would do in such a situation. The proposal was for my sister, not me.
We were in talks with a family and both sides liked each other. When it came time to verify their details with background checks, my parents consulted our relatives who informed us to back out because this proposal had already been considered for my cousin (whose family is very influential and not in a good way).
The guy's family had rejected my cousin because she is not very educated, and the girl's family hadn't got over the rejection. This is a distant cousin by the way and our families hardly talk to each other. So my parents thought it's ridiculous that we should turn down a good proposal simply because it came for the cousin first. It's not like they were engaged or had any history together.
But unfortunately for us, the family we consulted felt it was their duty to inform my cousin's parents, who then made sure this rishta did not happen. We were using the same matchmaker lady as my cousin's family, and they told her use whatever excuse, lies, or threats you have to but this rishta cannot happen or we will take it as an insult and that won't be good for anyone involved.
In addition, we also got a speech from my cousin's naani (who is not a nice person and always meddling in other peoples' affairs) that how could you have thought it possible that you could go into a house that had rejected my granddaughter. Where is your loyalty? It's understood that if a proposal came for any member in the family and didn't work out, that it can never again be considered for any other girl in the family. Why would you want to subject your kids to such competition.
Anyhow, again, my parents thought it was a ridiculous speech. But what can you do with bullies like that.
Re: Would you consider a proposal...
So recently we had another inquiry from one of my mom's childhood friends for her son. Luckily, before anything happened, we checked with my khala who told us this proposal was briefly considered for one of my cousins not too long ago (this is a different cousin and one we are close to). The guy's family didn't give an answer back (which essentially means no) because this cousin's family is not that well off. So anyhow, having learned from the past, this time we decided not to proceed.
Re: Would you consider a proposal…
You’re better-off without.