Ur story reminded me of my friends mums story, her Dad would always come home drunk and beat up his wife. And she put up with it for 20 years, he used to drink, gamble, sleep with other women etc....God only knows how she put up with it but she did....
Some how she managed to put her children though uni and MasaAllah are all doing well now.......She always said "never become a burden on a man, becoz tht's when they start taking advantage of u" and was always pushing her daughter to get an education
The Dad never changed his ways, she separated from him as soon as her children where stable in their career's and could support her.....
This is sort of personal, but since no one knows me here, i will post it. when i was in elem school, my dad was a stereotypical punjabi guy. typically very composed, with bouts of loud laughter and extreme rage. one time he beat my mom up because she didn't breastfeed my brother fast enough (so he was screaming in his crib, disturbing everyone's sleep). i came running out of my room. Later my mom was sitting on the floor with blood and she said to me, "beta, iss liye mein kehti hoon kabhi kisi mard pe mohtaaj mat hona." After that time, my dad got scared of himself, and the force of his anger, and he said he was not going to do this anymore because he didn't want me to remember.
My dad is mashAllah pretty good now, jokes around with my mom, does loads of housework, etc. but even now my mom says that she will definitely not get me married until i am financially independent. Actually my mom is my dad's best friend, she is a very forgiving person.
But whenever I think of this, and a few of my other friends, who also had cheating/abusive dads, I feel bad that at one point, their moms were probably excited to plan their shaadis with these guys. And they were all charming, professional men, and no one would ever guess their character. Remembering these experiences, and those of my friends, makes me feel even more motivated to get a job.
People think it's about greed, or that I'm expecting my hubby to be crappy, but I feel it's just a personal form of insurance. No one drives planning to have a car accident, right? But we all know it does happen so we carry insurance. So I feel like keeping one foot in the job market, is like an insurance. Sometimes the policy doesn't cover enough, but it's worth having.