Alhamdulillah, I am almost 15 weeks, and dont have any great fears about my pregnancy or delivery because everyone here is so good about answering questions for all us moms to be! Thank you so much for all your help, and for taking the time to ease our fears.
My worries are about after the baby comes, and it really has nothing to do with the baby. I have 2 major concerns.
My husband and I live in US, and my in laws in Canada, about a 5 hour drive away. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. It is not small, but of course it is still an apartment, so its not very large. We have decided to make the second bedroom a nursery/guest room. Basically my husband is concerned about when his family comes to visit and he wants them to have somewhere to sleep. That is a valid point. So I told him that we would just put the crib, which has an attached changing table, and a small chest of drawers for the baby in the room, and we can put a double or queen size bed in the room for when guests come. Obviously when guests come, the baby will sleep in our room.
My husband wants his mom to come stay with us for a few weeks after the baby is born to help us out. I am totally ok with that, because my MIL is very non-interfering, and I know she will actually help me out with the baby. My problem is that my MIL wants all 3 of my nands, plus their children to come as well. Only 2 of my nands have children, but they are the most ill-mannered children ever (4 in total, oldest is 9, youngest will be 2 then). They throw loud tantrums, they fight, they hit each other, they make A LOT of noise, they run around everywhere (last time they were here, the people who live downstairs complained about us to the management office!), they make so much mess, they jump all over the furniture, jump on our bed, walk all over the carpet with their shoes (my husband HATES when people walk on the carpet with shoes, because we pray there), they talk non-stop, and the list goes on. And the worst part is that my nands do not discipline their children at all. They just yell a couple times, put them in front of the tv, and ignore them. But of course the children will only sit quiet in front of the tv for so long before they start to wrestle and fight again. And I will have just had my baby (In Sha Allah), I know my hormones are going to be raging, and Im going to be emotional, and really tired. And I just have this feeling Im going to be expected by them to cook for them the whole time they are here. I plan to do a lot of that ahead of time and freeze stuff, but there is only so much I can fit in a small freezer. I dont know how Im going to handle all these people here right after the birth. And I dont know how we are going to handle the sleeping situation for all these people. In the past whenever they have come, we usually give up our room for my in laws (mil and fil) or if FIL doesnt come, usually my MIL and oldest nand take our room. But after having a baby, I really just am going to want the comfort of my bed, and the comfort of my own room - I cant sleep on the ground in the family room! And on top of that, I dont even know what kind of birth Im going to have. Im praying that In Sha Allah I have an easy, uncomplicated delivery, but there are no guarantees of that. I really dont know what to do. I dont know if there is anything I can do, I guess I just needed to vent.
The second issue is about child safety. My parents dont plan on coming to the US for the birth (valid reasons, and my husband and I totally understand). So I plan on coming to stay for a few weeks about a month or 2 after the baby is born. I would be expected to spend most of that time at my inlaws, which is fine by me, because they dont cause issues if I want to stay at my parents house for a few days.
Back to the issue. My in-laws dont care at all about child safety. What do I mean?? They dont ever use car seats for the kids, or they dont use them properly. The first 3 kids never even had car seats! This last one, the baby, my nand has a car seat, but she just places it on the back seat of the car, does not strap it to the seat, and she doesnt belt the baby into the seat either. I have seen them numerous times holding the baby in their lap in the car on the HIGHWAY, and even saw them holding the baby in the front seat!!! Last summer, my nand was driving home with the baby and her second son (5 at the time). She didnt have the car seat with her, so her 5 year old was just holding the baby in his lap. She got hit by another car from behind!!! She was close to my In laws house and called my MIL to come right away and get the kids before the police came. I am so scared about their behaviour. I have already told my husband that my child is not allowed to go anywhere without the car seat being strapped into the car. And he agrees on safety issues as well. But Im just really worried, because I cant even say anything to them. Another thing that they do that worries me, is that they give the baby to the 5 year old to walk around the house. And he is very clumsy. In front of me, he has tripped, fallen, and dropped the baby, and they dont learn…they just keep handing the baby to him!!! I know I can tell the kids “no you have sit down if you want to hold the baby”, but what if I am away from the baby, in the washroom or taking a shower, and I need MIL to watch the baby for 15-20 minutes?? If my husband is with me, I will be ok, because I can just tell him my concern and he will say it to his family without bringing me into it. But if I come for a few weeks, my husband cant take so much time off work, and he wont be able to come with me.
I just needed to vent and get my concerns out.
It’s not just about following the law, it’s about the safety of your child. A lot of aunties have told me not to put my kid in the car seat cause “aadat ho jayegi” LMAO! A bunch of crazy people I tell you.
