worried about brother

[Paheli00]

Re: worried about brother

@cpa2011

WOW, Ive meet her twice, both times she wore something like a miniskirt/ bondage dress, and she is meeting his family.

For a Spanish girl, wearing a miniskirt/bandage dress isn't a big deal….and you know that. Its not frowned upon in HER culture/upbringing. However, obviously with a desi Muslim family….that is not appropriate attire. So in this situation…..you don't think its your brother's responsibility to educate her on what attire would be appropriate when meeting you? And if he did not do that…..then how can you blame her? BTW, after meeting her the 1st time…..did you actually tell your brother that you felt her outfit was inappropriate?

@cpa2011

Im not manipulating anyone's life, but when you see someone with a great future, and instead of focusing on a premed degree, he is spending all his time and money on some bimbo, yea I will care, because I know she is with him for the car/vacations/money. Again, I wouldnt care, but he spends alot of his time with her/on the phone/ going out with her. Lets all be honest, going to college, getting a good GPA, these are really done once in a life time, yea, some people drop out and then come back, but they lost alot of time/money doing so. Just trying to save him from wasting his time.

If you want to come up "ways" to break them up….then yes, your intention is to manipulate your brother/his life. As for you brother spending his money on her…..at 20 and being a student….exactly where is he getting all this money for vacations/car etc?

As for his future…..has he changed his mind about medical school since she came into his life? Has his grades dropped enough to put his M.D. future in jeopardy? Is he actually in danger of failing/dropping out of school as a result of spending all his time/energy on her?

And I will ask again…..where are your parents in all this? If your brother is in such danger of losing his bright future…..which I presume is being shown by low grades/GPA…….then what are your parents doing about it? And lastly…..have you actually had a CALM, non-judgmental conversation with your brother about your concerns?

[cpa2011]

Re: worried about brother

@Twinklestar

I can understand your apprehensions. Make dua for them. Hopefully your parents talk to him about what to look for in a partner. It is important for both girls and boys to have a strong idea of what to look or in a partner aside from physical attraction. Obviously he is attracted to her. Inshallah make dua for both of them and your parents should definitely tell him that religion of the girl he chooses is important.

Thanks, I really appreicate your suggestion

[Tereliye]

Re: worried about brother

Hi cpa2011,
I am facing the exact same situation as you, and I share your sentiments as a caring sister who only wants the best for her brother. Believe me when I say this, do not feel disheartened by what life1 posters say - most of them will call you manipulative or mean for trying to "Break up" your brother's relationship. It is obvious that you are thinking long-term and all the warning signs are already there. You are only trying to do what is best for your brother, seeing as he cannot care for himself as he is too blind in love I agree, people get really silly when it comes to love and they forget everything (to tell the truth I also have a brother who is showing the warning signs and likes a girl who is not appropriate for him in any way).

Right now, I just make dua and pray that my brother finds a woman who is his match, a woman who is good iman, of good character, and respects herself and others. I do feel very disheartened sometimes as my brother insists that this is the girl for him, but it is obvious to everyone else that she will never be able to fit in - and it is quite obvious she and my brother are not meant for each other.

I've tried explaining to my brother the implications of what he is doing (in your case, do emphasize that islam does NOT allow relationships between men and women outside of marriage) - my brother is religious, but unfortunately after meeting this girl, it seems his iman is not so strong.
I would also suggest asking a male authority figure to intervene and maybe have a discussion (perhaps he is not taking your seriously as he feels threatened).

I hope and pray that both yours and mine situations are fixed, and our brothers live happily with the girl that is right for them - the girl that is right for them in every way

[prototype]

Is she a christian or a Jewish? If yea, I don't think she has to be a Muslim to marry a Muslim man because as far as I know, muslim.men are allowed to marry women from ahl-e-kitaab I.e. Christians or Jews but this doesn't apply on muslim women and they can only nikahofy with muslim men and not even men from ahl-e-kitaab. wAllah aalim. having said that, this only applies if your reservations are her being a non muslim. Other issues like she being Spanish or from broken family should be none of your business and let you brother decide what is best for him. just think about it if a person you are deeply in love with and are interested in marrying has a sibling who is looking for ways for breaking up your relation over a matter that is not least of your concerns? 20 is a raw age. sit down with him and talk about rearranging priorities

[Shak]

Re: worried about brother

@kakaballi

A life1 SIL in the making?

[NaMaan]

Re: worried about brother

Let's see her pic first :)

[bbbcd]

Re: worried about brother

Your brother is just 20 ....... he got attracted to her beauty ....... how about you just wait ..... things have a way of working themselves out ......

[uzair1]

Re: worried about brother

You keep saying she's not right for him and he can do so much better than her. What exactly do you mean?

[rosedreams]

Re: worried about brother

i totally know what you are feeling... i think it is mostly lust and the normal teenage crush/infatuation. you have to tell him Islam is totally against such behavior and that his future may be affected. try to involve your parents. it is indeed quite hard to control boys in their teens. it is hard to resist a girlfriend when every one around them is mostly having one. may he be guided to the right path.

[Sweetmoi]

Re: worried about brother

Alright, lets not be so hard on the OP now. I'm sure the OP typed some of this post while not being entirely clear in her mind.

I see and guess understand your concern, but your brother is an adult, IMO. I dont think a 20 year old is a bacha. You will have to give him time and space to do whatever is right for him. The more you push him, the more he will be inclined towards her and her company. Forbidden fruit, eh? ;) .. So relax and sit back. Talk to him if you feel he is neglecting his 'future' but try not to be judgmental about his relationships.

About the short mini-skirt dress. Thats actually not the girls fault. Your brother obviously didnt 'introduce' desiness to her.

[Shak]

Re: worried about brother

@cpa2011

a) he mentioned that she was asking him to introduce us, as she wants us to take her more seriously b) Im his sister, I know his personality, I grew up with him. I know he can do better. Its like when you see a couple, and you know they just have that short term infatuation, you know what the end result is going to be, because u see it with a clear head, your not distracted by feelings/emotions.

If you loved someone very bad and he tried to break you up what would you do? I can understand your POV but there is a difference between giving a sibling advice and actively going on to break the couple up. :/

[CoughCough]

Are u older than your brother?

[taqlee]

Re: worried about brother

what about his friends? maybe they know whats going in his head, like whether its a short term thing or both taking seriously or its the girl only who is into him?

or you can bring children into the picture like what he is going to raise them if he really chooses her ...

[_Iraj]

Re: worried about brother

let your brother live in dreams for a few days

afterwards he will wake up

[humanityfirst]

Re: worried about brother

AOA
how about showing interest in her...talk to your brother. .. no wait just losten to him. ...e. ggow was your day today with her? how is it going with her? what present are you buying for her? will you be taking her to next Muslim gathering. ..etc in this way you can guide your brother. ..but of us r like. ..stop this nonsense and leave her immediately. ..this won't get you any closer to him and won't separate them either. .

[humanityfirst]

Re: worried about brother

please please remember to keep us updated. this is an interesting story. I would like to hear more.