Re: Working women
^ Naima do you live with your in-laws? How often do you go to wedding or dawats where you see these women? Once a week? Once every few weeks?
Re: Working women
Thanks all. Good to hear your thoughts. Was with one of my husbands auntys last night and she was cracking jokes about me having a baby next time she sees me. It was said jokingly but I can see pressure will start coming soon. We are fairly young still (including husband who is setting up his career) so we don't plan to have a kid until maybe 3 years. This I know will upset a lot of these ppl. Frankly though I don't want to be in the position where like my husbands cousin I'm living with my kids in one bedroom in my in laws home because we didn't plan things. This cousin is apparently always complaining to her husband that she has no space yet she's always telling me I should have kids straight away and stop working. Go figure!
I know where you're coming from... but stick to your own plans and don't cave under pressure.. those people are always the first to run or change sides when things get bad.
Me and my husband have been married for almost 5 years and still no kid so you can imagine the pressure and comments. It was impossible for me to have a child during residency because of the crazy hours and constantly being around sick patients and a lot of stress.
But it's a decision between us, and as long as you understand that, then their opinions shouldn't matter. Because in all honesty they aren't going to come over and take care of that child, you are. SO just ignore them and tell them that. I think the biggest insult I received was when my bhabhi and BIL had their baby a few months ago and they were just married a little over a year... so aunties started making comments on my fertility. It's rude and unwarranted but you can't change people or control what comes out of their mouths.
But now I just ignore it and when you have your children, you'll be in a better place so just smile and ignore.
Re: Working women
Thanks amber. Very reassuring :)
Re: Working women
I agree with @Aaze.
Your 'problem' is just a judgemental rant with too many unnecassary details.
"I have troubles making a phone call"
"I have troubles making a phone call with my Iphone 5s 64 GB Gold"
Number 2; that is you.
Re: Working women
Good for you for postponing the baby making for a few years so you can set your future family up for a good life.
Don't listen to the women pressuring you to have a baby. They have nothing better to do or talk about.
Now as for the lame convos, well it seems you have tried but it isn't going anywhere. Women who don't work and literally have no hobbies or don't do anything other than ghar ka kaam will have very little to say.
How often are you amongst these types? If it isn't that often, I would just stay quiet if I were you. Why do you HAVE to be talking all the time? You have plenty of other people in your life that you talk to on a daily basis.
Whenever I am among these types, I just stay silent. It doesn't bother me.
Re: Working women
Thanks. I'm glad there are other desi women out there who understand why it's not always possible to have a child straight away after marriage. Sometimes feel like I'm one of very few who feel like its important to be in a more secure position before taking on this responsibility.
I guess I'm just used to having conversations flowing and I find it awkward when I'm sat with people and there's just silence but maybe I need to accept that . The amount of interaction varies. At the moment with it being wedding season here it's more frequent so I guess I'm feeling it a bit
What X2 said. Sometimes it can be hard to talk to people if any interests don't overlap but you (not you specifically) have to know the art of small talk. Small talk can sometimes help break the ice and find a lot of common views when it appeared there were none.
[QUOTE]
Some people have been very vocal about it telling me I should give it up and start a family, sometimes they have indirect digs and other times I just feel uncomfortable because I feel like they're judging me because I don't fit the norm.
[/QUOTE]
Sometimes its the desi mentality, I don't think its meant to insult intentionally. Saying that, other than your husband, it shouldn't be anyone's concern. You can either choose to ignore it with a smile or reply back. The former is easy, the latter would cause problems.
Re: Working women
How does one learn this art?
Re: Working women
^ That is a great question.
Re: Working women
How does one learn this art?
^ That is a great question.
Talk about anything, ask about their life, their everyday activities, weather (though weather is clutching at straws lol). It doesn't have to be something jaw dropping interesting. Sometimes a two way random convo can make people comfortable enough to be who they are more easily and you might end up striking a chord with someone. Some of my friends in the past have been opposite to me but I still always found something in common.
Re: Working women
How does one learn this art?
If you would stop seeing others lives as being sad for having different or no interests, and think one day you could be in the same spot because God forbid you have no access to extetnal resources or your kids keep you pre occupied, you will start learning the skill.
Re: Working women
I dunno, somehow I think it has to do more with a personality issue than working or non working woman issue.
Some of these people, I suspect, even fi they were working or educated or wahtever, wouldn't really be fun to talk to. Some people are like that.
Re: Working women
People never leave you alone. In our town, people are on the case of women who don't work!