Working wives/mothers/stay at home

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Now imagine it was your Mother In law who said that to you. You could open up another thread about it and stuff. :p hehe

I hope you start feeling better soon and can get some rest without all the pain. good luck!!

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Re: Working wives/mothers/stay at home

Ideally, this entire issue isin the hands of the husband and the wife, what they want for their family, what they want their life together to be. Wife working or not working should never be dictated by outsiders, should never be dictated by husband but rather a mutuald ecision between husband and wife based on what they need and what they want. Note the word they.

I was a white collar workerr earning a great salary. But I want to be home with my littles and I also know that if I had to work to make ends meet, I'd do not such a good job at either work or at mothering. Some can. And I admire them beyond beleif...but Im not up to splitting myself like that.

Know yourself, know your limits, decide with your parter whats best for you and your family and stick to it no matter what other people say. They'll talk and gossip either way so what-the-heck.

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Re: Working wives/mothers/stay at home

Niksik- you summed it up perfectly!

24

:k:

Completely agree.

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Re: Working wives/mothers/stay at home

Yes it is a man's duty to provide for his family but with the cost of living so high these days, I really dont think that's possible for the man to take care of his whole family unless he is making really good money.

Nadz - you should do what you feel is right for you. At least you have the priviledge to choose whether you want to work or not.

Unfortunately I actually HAVE to work because I make significantly more money than my husband. sigh

Right now, he pays all the expenses and I save my money for myself or spend on whatever personal things I need. This may change later when we have kids and my money is needed more, but it works for us right now.

26

I can't answer your question based on the Pakistani society, because I disagree with the way it works. I can however mention how I plan on living my life.

It is my responsibility to make money to support myself and my needs/desires. It is the guy's responsibility to do the same. The home belongs to BOTH of us, so BOTH of us need to pull our weight around the house. If/when I decide to have kids and we decide that it will be best for ME to stay at home (and I absolutely can not find any other way of making money), well then, I am doing that for the two of us. I am staying at home to make sure OUR kids do well. I will need him to support me financially. If we decide that he should stay home, then I will have to support him.

But if I am making my own money, it should go towards MY costs which includes rent, groceries, bills etc. And he should pull his weight at home.

27

Re: Working wives/mothers/stay at home

agree with Niksik.

Just another thing. A marriage isnt about you and me... its about being a team. If you are working and paying for bills, it's not the end of the world. Take it as working together to make a better home.. a better life

28

…well poor guy has to deal with you :halo:

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Re: Working wives/mothers/stay at home

What if the wife is much more ambitious than the husband, is more of a go-getter and really makes an effort to move up the ladder and make good money, yet her husband has a very laid back attitude towards career and making money and doesn't try to move up or progress in his career. In this situation do you think it is ok for the wife to keep her own money because she doesnt think he is putting in as much of an effort to move up and make a good living? How is it fair that he takes money matters lightly and doesnt try hard to make good money to provide a good standard of living for the family?

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Re: Working wives/mothers/stay at home

if they are a couple, they ought to discuss things and find a middle ground. I dont see many couples where ones a real money maker and the other has no desire. If both are married, they should communicate and reach an understanding.

On the other hand, maybe the husband is happy with the modest lifestyle he has with his wife and doesnt require lots of things to be happy. Who knows

31

I completely agree to what Niksik has said !

I believe in the old saying " mian biwi ek gari kay do pahye hotain hain " it's true. Husband wife relationship is a like a team , it should always be about US and WE. In my opinion the main ingredient to a good husband wife relationship is trust , once it's there and it's not broken all issues and things gets resolved automatically.

It is a fact that it's the duty for husband to provide for house , wife and kids and Allah has placed all financial responsibility on a husband. But if a wife is working then why can't she help him with the bills etc. Like you said putting certain bills in wife's name ......... may be the husband has some financial problem other wise he would have paid it from his own pocket ........why can't this be taken like that why it has to be that husband na purposely kiya hoga. BUT I do believe that husband has to create trust if he is deliberately doing this just because wifey is working and he can get away with it then thats wrong. OR he completely stops spending in his own home and starts sending or spending money somewhere else then it's completely wrong and unethical and unfair to the wife. So it purely depends upon trust. Otherwise it can trigger some serious issues. When wife is contributing in house husband should also realise and make it easier for her to handle household chores.

These days esp in Pakistan it is becoming a necessity for both husband and wife to work. Offcourse if the husband is earning something like 10k or above then it's not required. Otherwise the school fees here only takes away half of the salary. It's really not easy to send you children to good school and to feed them well.

32

well you sound very hormonal nadz :):):slight_smile: sachi mein. Anyways hota hai hota hai, I was the same.

My husband was the best husband ever (almost best ) otherwise we have no idea how we would have got through my preg. my problem was nausea expect for 1 1/2 month frm about 5 1/2 to 7 month that I enjoyed my preg I was use to be miserable the whole time. so hang in there you have a wonderful baby waiting at the end of it all inshallah

In term of salary, it is a man responsibility, but depends on the situation really. I got job before I finished my last term at university, my not-hubby-at-that-time didn’t, then he did but I was making more than him. I had a north american dream kind of job, but once we got married we decided that ok his is just enough for the household, and few extras, we will save from my salary. But he was looking for a better job and within few months he got a job he so rightly deserved and was making atleats 30% more than I was, so then there was really no need. But he never, even when he was making less than me, ever asked me to chip in forcefully or support anything that I didn’t see suit our family. It is different from family to family, person to person but I think mutial understanding is the key. Men should not force their wives, and wives should have sme ‘ehsas’ if husband is over streched.

I am not working right now because we moved to another country so he pay for everything, save, invest all he need to do with his own money. Since we had our son my whole prospective of working changed, I wanted to stay with son as much as I can, I stayed home for almost 14 months. Now when I think about it I would work once my son start full time school, but part time, just to make use my education and satisfy my ego :snooty:

33

This.
This is not directed to the OP...I think women (and men) everywhere should drop the mentality that women are better suited to stay at home, because less and less women will be able to do so soon because of rising costs of living.
As for your pregnancy Nadz, try to nap as much as you can now b4 the baby is here! And who cares what others think..u are carrying a child, do what makes you happy!