Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
my SO wants us to get pre-marital counseling, and though I'm open to it, I don't quite understand how it works. Does someone mind explaining it to me? Specifically if you're getting it from an imam or something like that?
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
my SO wants us to get pre-marital counseling, and though I'm open to it, I don't quite understand how it works. Does someone mind explaining it to me? Specifically if you're getting it from an imam or something like that?
when I had it done, it was multiple sessions with our Imam and a family counselor/psychiatrist from our masjid who was starting a pilot program in our masjid. They had us first fill out a questionnaire that asked about our vies on everything from politics to religion to household chores...our goals for life.how many kids we wanted etc. Our answers were then compared and bullet points that could be potential major conflicts were then discussed. Our Imam presented the Islamic duties of a husband and wife to eachother and we talked about how to apply those in practical life. Because both the imam and psychiatrist were familiar with both our families we talked about how to avoid letting that baggage weigh is down.
I don't know how it's done elsewhere but that's how mine went. We had 3 sessions during the 4 months leading up to our wedding
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
when I had it done, it was multiple sessions with our Imam and a family counselor/psychiatrist from our masjid who was starting a pilot program in our masjid. They had us first fill out a questionnaire that asked about our vies on everything from politics to religion to household chores...our goals for life.how many kids we wanted etc. Our answers were then compared and bullet points that could be potential major conflicts were then discussed. Our Imam presented the Islamic duties of a husband and wife to eachother and we talked about how to apply those in practical life. Because both the imam and psychiatrist were familiar with both our families we talked about how to avoid letting that baggage weigh is down.
I don't know how it's done elsewhere but that's how mine went. We had 3 sessions during the 4 months leading up to our wedding
Hmm that sounds interesting. I think our biggest concern is conflict resolution--more so on my end. I tend to become very passive aggressive and start ignoring people I'm upset with and we've both noticed it tends to make things worse. I'm hoping we can get counseling for that type of stuff specifically.
With so many muslim therapists/healthcare professionals, it's a shame we don't have more resources for stuff like this. It sounds like a very good program that you took part in khattichic
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
I think one can go to a regular marriage counselor, r doesn't have to be Muslim etc. They have specific training as well.
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
So what exactly happens in the counselling sessions? how much of information are you expected to share with the Counselor? asking this question keeping in mind , that sometimes the other spouse who may not be too willing to open up to a third person, may need some sort of pushing and to keep their stance in mind as well, I want to know how specific can you about the issues? or it all generic advice that you get?
Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
A counselor/therapist does not solve your problems for you. You solve your own problems. They are professionals trained to guide you and help you sort out your own issues to make your own life and health better. For couples, they help with conflict resolution and compatibility issues. But, and this is a big but...no counselor can do jack crap for you if you're not going to 100% brutally honest with him/her more importantly yourself. If your not going to open up and be completely honest about the issues counseling is not going to anything for you and will be a complete waste of time. When done honestly and truthfully, there is nothing generic about counseling. Owning up to ones own shortcomings/mistakes as seen through the eyes of another is never easy. It is in depth, raw and emotional but is also the most liberating thing a person/couple can do to help themselves.
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
a coworker of mine used to tell me that he and his wife both are very passionate and hot headed so their arguments can be intense and interacting with him definitely proved that he was a hot head and used to have an explosive anger but the awesome thing about him is that he said he would do anything for his marriage and whatever it takes including as many marriage counselling sessions for his wife's sake and the marriage. Now that just got me thinking that his marriage just might last because both are willing to do and change to make the marriage unbreakable and strong.
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
I find something extremely disturbing, but I have witnessed it too many times to ignore it, when one spouse wants to take counseling but the other one doesnt want to . This creates such a huge block , but its a fact that sometimes when two people cant get each other to agree on things between them, a third , non biased view can help them so much.
I don't see why a solo session wouldn't be helpful. A therapist could help a person see how they're stuck in the same old patterns and negative thought process. Just an outsider's view on how to deal with a stressful situation might be helpful.
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
Getting help, talking to your close family member or friend professional counselling
staying away from each other for some time and analyze with an open mind why the marriage is falling apart
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
So what exactly happens in the counselling sessions? how much of information are you expected to share with the Counselor? asking this question keeping in mind , that sometimes the other spouse who may not be too willing to open up to a third person, may need some sort of pushing and to keep their stance in mind as well, I want to know how specific can you about the issues? or it all generic advice that you get?
Very specific...brutally and completely honest otherwise there's no point to counseling.
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
people learn from mistakes or time is the best teacher in pakistan :p
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
Does counseling helps? Heard some case in family where girl's family don't wana send her daughter back to husband's house my question is what to do when both don't wana live with each other and what to do if one want to live but other don't wana live.In Pakistan family members try to solve prblms but in the end u can't force any one.
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
Does counseling helps? Heard some case in family where girl's family don't wana send her daughter back to husband's house my question is what to do when both don't wana live with each other and what to do if one want to live but other don't wana live.In Pakistan family members try to solve prblms but in the end u can't force any one.
If both don't want to live together, I think the answer is pretty straight forward, don't you think? Why would you try to "save" or "work" on a marriage when the two are not interested?
If one doesn't want to live together, again, why waste energy on something when one is not interested? We all know how long one can ride on a cycle with only one functional wheel, right? I don't think it's any different in a marriage.
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
What does the premarriage counselling include?
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
Yes u r rite but due to many reasons we are just trying to patch up becoz it will effect whole family .don't know why people doing this her MIL is very happy for this marriage but now she is creating prblms between my cuzn and her husband.
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
What does the premarriage counselling include?
Read post 22, that question has already been answered
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
Does counseling helps? Heard some case in family where girl's family don't wana send her daughter back to husband's house my question is what to do when both don't wana live with each other and what to do if one want to live but other don't wana live.In Pakistan family members try to solve prblms but in the end u can't force any one.
Counseling can only help if the couple involved is dedicated and wants it to work. In the situation you're describing, if the family members are being unreasonable, do you think they will be open to the husband and wife seeking the help of a professional?
Re: Working on your Marriage before Walking away....
Don't know may be No because she is living in abusive relationship that's sound dangerous to me.