working/living in a city away from home

Lifestyle Relationships
1

how do women cope whose spouses work in another city?

imagine u have mortgages and stuff, u work urself (or actually u dont even have to be a working woman/mother). Ur living conditions are more than ok.. even with the mortgages…

if ur spouse got a job in another city, how would u feel about that?

i mean, it’s doable… but its terribly difficult..

and put kids in the equation too..

does anyone have a life like this?

2

Re: working/living in a city away from home

If this question is for ladies only .... then no comments..

But I've seen plenty of couples/families in US who have absolutely no problem in living like this... Ofcourse their men come back weekends, long weekends.. doesnt make any difference..
So I dont see it as undoable thingy.. unless the woman cannot drive or go outside at all.

3

Re: working/living in a city away from home

i dunno.. I salute those couples who can live like this.... I have never lived like this, i know my mum has but it'd be damn hard.

I dont see the point in living, unless the company is paying for accommodation and travel... ANd if there are no jobs in ur home city.

anyways, it'd be too hard for me... probably more emotionally more than anything.

4

Re: working/living in a city away from home

my grandmother (dadi) was in same situation for almost her entire life. dada was working in arabia and she was in village with kids till her first 2 children completed their high school. then they moved to city and children completed rest of the education in city. she was living with her parents in law at that time which was the biggest moral & physical support. But at those times the family values and family system was entirely different and dependable.

personally I would not agree to it. I feel children need to have a father figure around. Life is for living with family not living without them. Plus it puts too much burden on wife. It's better to settle with a little less paying job and be with your family than to go for a high pay job and be without a family.

5

Re: working/living in a city away from home

^ I so agree.

I totally understand the immigration reasons and people are apart.. and back in our parents days, things may have been slightly different .. but i dunno. I think i am not strong enough to do it. More than that, i think my child will drive me insane with the "wheres my daddy" interrogation

6

Re: working/living in a city away from home

Sadzzz...I'm in this situation on n off for past 10years. We were married 12 years ago...

I can tell you it's doable but too hard. Much more than anyone can imagine. And no its not the chores or being too busy with kids and work all the time which tires me....it's just one thing...no shoulder to lean on when you need it most. Most in my family call me iron-lady...only if they knew how rusty this iron is.

7

Re: working/living in a city away from home

My cousin has been doing that on and off for about past 10 years of his career. However not a permanent move, just a LOT of travel for work. Every now & then he has had to go to another state (3-4 hours away) for a month or 2 but he would come home over weekends. I can imagine how tough it was for his wife, with a set of twins, even though she is homemaker. She gets frustrated for reasons Afia mentioned. It is doable but very difficult, you need your partner around, period. He did however take the family with him sometimes depending on project & location so the kids/wife can do sight seeing while he works and at night/weekends they went out.

I am nervous right now myself. My hubby recently lost his job and is studying and doing a course. The job outlook seems like he would start off consulting on mini projects here and there wherever he gets hired and would have to travel there for work. Now if I was a homemaker that would be fine, but I am not. I work full time and have 2 kids. Let's see how it goes. God be willing he will get to work from home.... as my same cousin is his mentor.... Grrr!!!!!!

8

Re: working/living in a city away from home

Plus, do you really think when a man is away for that long that he's not got some other options for companionship in the city where he works?

A neighbor of ours was in this situation. I don't know what's going on now, but husband had to transfer to NYC for a job and his wife and kids stayed here. He'd fly out every weekend to visit them.

Ridiculous.

9

Why don't you just move with him?

10

Unless its a short-term assignment, I am never in a favor of husband, wife and kids living in separate city. kids need both father and mother and also husband and wife need each other even if its for husband coming late and spending 1 hour every night with family due to his job

It was understandable to some extent in Pakistan where one person has to feed family of 8/10 and he has to live in city alone to save and send money to village but in US, Canada and for rest of the west, moving and settling in new city is just a normal practice and yes that includes selling off house and buying one in new city!

11

Re: working/living in a city away from home

I think these are jobs that are short assignment, but not that much of a short assignment. Like maybe 1 or 2 years long. And maybe the wife doesn’t want to uproot her kids that often. It’s hard for kids to keep transferring schools.

But I’ve lately been hearing of situations where couples are living in different cities, and they have a good relationship, but maybe the wife doesn’t want to move because she doesn’t like that city. I had heard of one case on the radio (american couple) where the husband was working in Miami and the wife was in chicago. She didn’t want to move because she didn’t like Miami and preferred to live in Chicago. The guy was miserable and didn’t know what to do. But their marriage was fine. She was just being selfish and didn’t want to make a move for her husband.

As a result,he was paying for two homes.

:rolleyes:

That kind of thing, I don’t get.

12

As much as both of us would like to, we can't. I'm staying where i am, for the best possible schooling in our budget. Where he works, we do have international schools but we really can't afford paying for four kids. We did it for sometime but had to quit when couldn't afford any longer. And we don't want to compromise on their education. I soooo wish he could work here....but that remains a wishful thinking.

I just as Allah to help us live together at whatever place He thinks right for us. I really don't want to continue like this anymore.