** for girls ** : how many of your are planning to work after u get married? part time or full time. y and y not?
** for guyz **: how many of u would like ur wife to work? y and y not?
personally i’d like to work after i get married for a while.. take a break when i have kids.. dont like the concept of day care centers or nanny. and once they r of age to take care of themselves , i’d like to start again. It wud be great if i can balance both kids and work though.
your thoughts and opinions?
yeah she'll have to work. comon now do you expect me to work all the time??
I would wanna work. I am planning to become a dcotor and well i wudnt want all those years of studying to just go down the drain.
suroor-i agree with you :)
When I get married, I'd like my wife to work for around 6 years, then quit to raise kids. I certainly don't want a wife who is working whilst kids are aged between 0 and 16.
The working for 6 years is needed to save up money for school and university education. The school that I have in mind for my future kids is dang good, but also horrifically expensive. Putting one kid through there for 7 years will cost more than my life is currently insured for...
My wife doesn't work. She takes care of our children. Once children will start going to school then she can work (its her decision) but my advice is that her work hours should be between 10 am to 3 pm so she should be home before children finish their school.
I've never met a woman who didn't work.
The question is where?
A full time mother certainly works a great deal.
If she's out of the home then those responsibilities don't disappear, they have to be done by someone else or they don't get done .... or .... they get done "differently".
I don't believe that a woman who spends years studying and then elects to stay home while her children are young is throwing it away. I believe she is giving her children a gift that will last them the rest of their lives, something that no one else can give them, no matter how much they love those children.
And as for career, it depends very much where you live but you can usually pick up and go on later.
lazy bum!
I would like my wife to have a career of her own, however, when we would have children, I'd expect her to stay at home and raise the kids for a while. I also don't like the idea of babysitters, unless they are absolutely necessary, and unless they are family.
I would definitely want my wife to have a professional education background. Have her own career. Once and if we decide to have children, we will sit down and discuss how we want to raise the kids. More than likely I would want the children to be sent to day-care centers after the initial few months.
The parents need to have their life back on track after the child birth. Only a happy and satisfied couple can take good care of the children. So, if one of the parent is not happy for quitting job to raise the child, then they shouldn't quit. Plus, spending 8 hours for 5 days a week at day care is a very rewarding experience for the child. He/she learns how to socialize and gets to play a lot too. It also gives the parents a much needed break and when they finally spend evenings, nights and weekends with the child, the time spent is of high quality.
I realize this has drawbacks but then what doesn't in life?
My mother didn’t work and even postponed the completion of her degree to be home with me and my siblings and it is because of her that my family is as close and loving as it is, alhamdulillah. In America, we don’t have hte luxury of extended family living nearby and my mother refused to leave us with people who couldn’t teach us about our heritage, culture, and religion.
From her, i’ve learned 2 main things. 1 - To finish my studies and establish myself in my area of study before having children 2 - The biggest gift and expression of love one can give to their children is to raise them urself.
I plan to continue working after I graduate mostly because I’m trying to repay my parents for all that they’ve sacrificed for me. Even after I am married, I hope to continue to provide for them and make them comfortable in their old age. Because much of my work will be for my parents and my husband’s will be for our family, I will probably voluntarily sacrifice my job to stay home with my children if Allah blesses me with them even if i’m making more money than my husband. I can then continue to thank my parents by raising good children, inshaAllah. When my children start going to school, I plan to work again part time, inshaAllah.
:halo:
Excellent point :k:
I have been working and studying after marraige and kids too but then I realized that bachay ignore hoo rahay haiN so i took a break , I think working is good if needed ,warna I prefer to be at home , that is what i love infact coz i am home bird ...gaar ke kaam bachon ki care karna that is what i am for ...mostly my friends think i am being budi rouh and to be independet it is good to have a job but in my opnion gaar is most important for a woman ,that is how i think .
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*Originally posted by cHEeGUm: *
yeah she'll have to work. comon now do you expect me to work all the time??
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haha good good
Re: working after getting married.
hmmm right after getting married it totally depends on what he wud like n wat my in laws expect from me…if they have any problems with my working then i wont work…
after kids i would wana be home till the time they were all married off or completely independent like in college and be able to take care of themselves largely…but boys especially never really r able to take full care of themselves even when of college age…hmmm…
when the kids r old and school going, if ok with him n in laws, i’d like to start something part time which will keep me close to home and be home with the kids when they r home… but i will also be able to impart something to society and help those around me…i want to go into social work and social entrepreneurship in pakistan inshallah…wouldnt wana do any kinda office jobs tho…
the timings cud be similar to something like what my mom did when v were kids…she was a teacher n her job was till the afternoon and she used to be back when we used to be back from school..so we never realised she was even away…her biggest dream was to get her children a very good education in pakistan so she took up this job to pool money with papa and be able to afford our education…whatever we are academically today is because of her, i salute and admire my mother for that…
when my kids r totally independent 
i guess i could also do something which requires more commitment n time since then i might have a lot of free time…like what my mom does now…like only now after my bros n i r all in colllege she sarted a 9-3 professor’s job…and everyone else in my family also comes back in the evening so the family life is not compromised in any way…
tho ideally in old age i’d like to just be surrounded by children n grandchildren in a big house n be at home like my dadi ji does…coz its such a blessing…but it totaly depends on what life is like then…
wow this seems like i’ve totally thought about what i wanna do 
but the truth is a person doesnt even know whats gonna happen the next day so i dont really have solid expectations or plans abt the future, though have some choti si khwahishein 
jo Allah karay ga behtari usi mein ho gi..
mehroo aapi 
:k:
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
...
More than likely I would want the children to be sent to day-care centers after the initial few months.
The parents need to have their life back on track after the child birth. Only a happy and satisfied couple can take good care of the children. So, if one of the parent is not happy for quitting job to raise the child, then they shouldn't quit. Plus, spending 8 hours for 5 days a week at day care is a very rewarding experience for the child. He/she learns how to socialize and gets to play a lot too. It also gives the parents a much needed break and when they finally spend evenings, nights and weekends with the child, the time spent is of high quality.
I realize this has drawbacks but then what doesn't in life?
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If both working is not an absolute financial necessity then why park kids at day care centres when the mother can be with her kids? Depriving the child of the mother for 40 hours a week- yikes! Do you really believe day care centre experience to be more (or even equally) rewarding than mother time?
QUANTITY time is very, very important - don't be fooled by the quality time arguments.
Take care.
Quality is important. DO you really think Pakistani stay-home moms really spend quality time during the hours of say 8 am to 5 pm daily?. I don't think so. There is so much one can do with a child. Children enjoy the company of other children. Anyway, just staying home doesn't mean you are doing a great child raising job.
Most of the time the children are watching cartoons while the mom is gossipping on the phone or worse children watch indian movies along with the mom. Did you know there are NO TVs allowed at day care centers?.
though i'm not working ........but still my son goes to day care
not because i'm unable to spend my time with him .....but actually it is because he needed the company
we were not in favour of sending him off to day care but he was developing some problems .........first of all he didn't utter a single word before the age of 2 n half.....then he was not social at all......coz we don't have a single desi family around us n for non desis i didn't know the language to communicate........our doctor suggested he must go to some day care ........!!!
now he goes to day care for 3-5 hrs a day ......n mashaAllah he is doing great .....
on 15th of this month my younger one is turning two ......n he too is joining his brother in this august .........n some ppl asked me if i am planning to persue a career etc. now but no .......i'm not and i never will InshaAllah . I don't like to be the 'beast of burden'
sigh
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
Quality is important. DO you really think Pakistani stay-home moms really spend quality time during the hours of say 8 am to 5 pm daily?. I don't think so. There is so much one can do with a child. Children enjoy the company of other children. Anyway, just staying home doesn't mean you are doing a great child raising job.
Most of the time the children are watching cartoons while the mom is gossipping on the phone or worse children watch indian movies along with the mom. Did you know there are NO TVs allowed at day care centers?.
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agreed , kids need someone to play with and to be with and it is not possibel at home , mostly we have to do a lot and we just put a cartoon film on for them r give them some toy to play with our apna kaam yaa as you said gossip kartay haiN , thats so true !!!so day care centres are best for them haN zeeada long days naa hoon thu it is better .