I work in a very supportive and team oriented firm. At times its almost like a coed frat house. After working for 65-70 hours my colleagues still have this amazing energy level. Since I am looking at another Friday night out tomorrow, I wanted to know how you guys (particularly with families) deal with work related social events?
Part of what makes my job fruitful is the great cohesion I have with my colleagues who are also close friends at this point. Team spirit is so high that these guys and girls dropped everything and joined me on a Saturday evening at the soup kitchen, just because I had organized it as a volunteer project. I mean dinners were canceled, dates rescheduled for this event. Likewise, I do my part in keeping up with the activities.
Since I do not drink and I am not interested in ‘hooking up’ with a random person, I have pretty much become the central person in these events. For example, tomorrow night we will be going to this Havana Club and I am the designated driver/coordinator for the event. Most of the time I am game for such responsibilities however I am just not ‘feeling it.’
If I tell these guys that I am not feeling well, then I can expect them to be hanging out at my house with assorted DVDs and a gallon of chicken soup. Really I love these guys but their cultish dedication to the team spirit is wearing thin on me.
just an opinion:
great that you were joined in for a worthy cause like a soup kitchen.
but, that does not have to mean that you have to go out every time and eat out with the group. or even be watching dvds or playing indoor board games to be at your place frequently.
simply say no. tell them that you cant go out and we don’t like to socialize in atmospheres which wear you off.
is it that men have a really hard time saying no. why? women, on the other hand, simply tell that they choose not to go.
again, not generalizing.
but, seriously, you do what you think is right and not what the fellow would like you to do. you don’t have to be their chaperons and that way they will have to rethink their drinking as well.
anyone who is out to look for people to meet at social events, is simply setting themselves up for less self respect.
Since you have accepted to be designated driver , co-ordinator there is no way out this time . Going farward be selective about which events you go to and which you do not. Do they understand that you are Muslim and drinking is prohibited in your religion ? If you tell them in a casual manner you will not be invited to the events where drinking will be cental focus. I am invited to the events where there is dinner and drinking is on the menu - not the menu itself I am not invited to the ones where some one will need designated driver.
Wow – this reminds me so much of an earlier workplace… I can totally relate! In a situation like this, there’s no easy / diplomatic way to decline the social gatherings without creating any animosity.
Moreover, if it’s such a tightly knit group, then chances are that the boundaries between work time and personal time are rather thin and there’s a lot that goes on within the group outside the work environment that has direct consequences at work. Your image of being a team player and being a cordial colleague at the workplace tend to get associated with how you behave outside as well. I’m not saying this is right, but I’ve seen this first hand –its part of certain corporate cultures. This clan style culture has an orientation towards mutual trust and a sense of obligation, and personal characteristics that show flexibility, sensitivity, and concern for people are rewarded implicitly and explicitly.
Dude you don't want to go there. Lets just say that it is an office of a very well known firm. A person with your strong business background would be/is already being recruited there!
Dude you don't want to go there. Lets just say that it is an office of a very well known firm. A person with your strong business background would be/is already being recruited there!
haha you'd be surprised lol I currently work for a small-sized company (~100 employees)...
Wow – this reminds me so much of an earlier workplace… I can totally relate! In a situation like this, there’s no easy / diplomatic way to decline the social gatherings without creating any animosity.
Moreover, if it’s such a tightly knit group, then chances are that the boundaries between work time and personal time are rather thin and there’s a lot that goes on within the group outside the work environment that has direct consequences at work. Your image of being a team player and being a cordial colleague at the workplace tend to get associated with how you behave outside as well. I’m not saying this is right, but I’ve seen this first hand –its part of certain corporate cultures. This clan style culture has an orientation towards mutual trust and a sense of obligation, and personal characteristics that show flexibility, sensitivity, and concern for people are rewarded implicitly and explicitly.
Umar bhai, I am glad someone can relate! Its a double edged sword that many people do not recognize. The boundaries do not exist. I am usually more than happy to fit in this environment, its just certain times where one needs a break.
I don't want to bash these guys because I have a LOT of flexibility when working with them. I have been able to get many personal things done during 'business hours,' my colleagues have gone above and beyond to help me, and I truly enjoy their company. I think I'll invite them to my place next weekend. That way I won't have to leave the house or hang out at a lounge or a similar venue.