Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

A friend of mine shared this tragic story with tears in his eyes. **This is how he told me his brother’s story **(might not be the exact words as I am translating from my memory):

After 2 weeks of his brother’s marriage, one day his bhabi and his mother were doing house hold work, when suddenly his bhabi said to his mother. “I am having a different feeling inside me, as if I am going to have a baby. The symptoms seem to be clear”

His mother replied, " Beti, it is too early for you to feel like that. One doesn’t start having such feelings after just two weeks of marriage"

His bhabi said, " No, believe me it is exactly the same feeling which I have heard from people, and I feel I am going to be pregnant soon."

Mother said, " Beti, I am telling you from experience, you can’t know so early if you are pregnant or not"

Slowly this discussion turned into an argument and got heated to such an extent that mother said in frustration (to end the discussion), " At least it can’t be my son’s baby as it is too early"

There was a dead silence. Bhabi quietly went to her room, packed her luggage and went to her parents house.

When his elder brother arrived home, he came to know the whole story and tried to talk to his wife and resolve the matter.

Two years were passed, she didn’t return home. Bhabi was not ready to accept to return home and also didn’t want a divorce. The elder brother had vented out his frustration a number of times with a misbehaving manner in front of his mother for using such words, who has said sorry a number of times to bhabi, but she is not ready to forgive. He also didn’t want to take a divorce.

p.s. I know the story is incomplete, a lot of information is needed, which I can’t provide as it was told to me 7 years ago. I just recalled now when I was thinking of any example related to the topic (mentioned in the title). I haven’t got any clue where my friend is now and what happened after that.

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

:(

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

Apperently I do it a lot. I am trying to stop though but its very difficult. I have seen someone do that, hurt people he loved all his life because he couldn't control his temper.

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

This is weird. To actually get into an argument on something like this (call it female intuition) and then to sulk about something for 2 years, even after the person has apologized, is ridiculous. May be the "bhabi" in this story, married way too pre-maturely (before growing up).

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

and here I always thoughts its the mil who wants to see a pregnant bahu after two weeks!!

Probably she just didn’t want to do any house work after two weeks of marriage and used that “feeling tired” excuse for pregnancy… females :rolleyes:

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

Wow. 2 years and she's still not willing to forgive. I think now she's just being unreasonable and should return home or get a divorce.

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

so wheres the baby????well her MIL shouldnt have said those words,cause trust me it must be a hammer for her ,its like pointing finger to her caracter.laikin gussai mai insaan kooch nahi soochata.and yes its very very hard to forgive.(generally speaking)

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

^ yeah but two years....that's taking it too far. But why didn't the husband move out and bring the wife to his own home? mom shouldn't've said such a stupid thing. and yeah where IS the baby?

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

maybe it was indigestion.

kinda funny if it was just gas or new dehli belly that started this whole thing.

thats why at some point in time in an argument, its best to just walk away because the topic is no longer the focus, being right becomes the focus..and then things get ugly.

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

I felt as if I was pregnant too like a week after the wedding. Shukar hai saasu maa ko nahin bataya! :o

^LOL!
but on a serious note, wow.. sometimes the harshest words come out of your mouth without u realizing the consequences of it. Atleast the MIL understood that she was wrong in doubting her 'bahu's' character but at the same time I think had my MIL said something like this to me I would have gone to my husband right away and talked to him - taken him into confidence because he knows his family better than I do. & even if I did pack my bags and gone home I would have atleast tried to forgive and forget and move on - now 2 people are no willing to leave each other and yet theyre not together either.. how sad!

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

well yes,the MIL shouldn't have used such words.but,i think,even if the MIL had used such words,then the "bahu" in the story should have talked things with her husband,instead of leaving the home straight away..and if the MIL had realized her mistake and regretted for the words she had used against her,then i think she should have forgiven her..and if she didn't want to forgive and return home,then why should she cling to it,,she should get a divorce.

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

^ ur rite

I detest people that say nasty stuff when they're angry and expect you to be perfectly fine with them as soon as they say "sorry". The damage caused by the tongue is often the harshest!

Or maybe the mother in law in the never grew up. Both were stupid to argue, but the mother in law being the elder should have been the adult in the situation... every women is different this isn't something that they should have argued about...

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

always think before you speak. this adage has timeless meaning and importance.
sadly, people dont think over what they say, often and it becomes cause for so many problems.
it will be nice that people become really careful in what they utter, always.


I agree with you on who should be the adult, but its astonishing that someone can actually carry a grudge for 2 years. And that over something that is not pre-meditated, but spur-of-the-moment hot headedness, and also when the other person has also apologized. Anyone can say any thing stupid at any point. We all have probably said things in life which we wouldn't have if we had just paused for a moment to think first. Thats ok. All of us are humans. If we realize a mistake, say sorry, then its best to just move on. Thats all I am saying. I suspect that this story, if real, has a lot more in it than whats disclosed, so I am not about to waste too much time analyzing it. However, these comments are probably helpful for all of us in our lives. You'd look like a fool if you carry a grudge beyond its expiration date.

That is true. Nothing good ever comes from holding a grudge.

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

No wonder why Hazrat Abubakr (r.a) used to hold his tongue and say: You have to be careful because my dignity is in your control. Hazrat Luqman (r.a) used to tell his son: O'son, I have never regretted remaining quiet in my life. Whenever I regretted, it was always for my words.

It is amazing that it takes years to develop a strong bond/trust/faith/love but it only takes few inappropriate words to fill a person's heart with thorns. After that, it might take a lifetime to pluck those thorns one by one, but still the poison they leave behind goes deeper and deeper into the wounds.

I myself am guilty of feeling tempted to say so many harsh words in the heat of the moment, that later on I feel like cursing myself for even thinking of hurting anyones feelings no matter how many times that person forgives me. May Allah (swt) bless us all with the wisdom to follow the manners of the Prophet (saw).

Re: Words uttered without thoughts, at the Heat of the Moment

Allah give me strength to do my work in silence...

Often I vent my anger and frustration in an utterly horrible manner... but truth is I dont swear I just become very mean and I know i'm being stupid when I do it but it just happens...

We all say things we dont mean to or treat others wrongly but the best thing we can do is mend it quickly... I wont let an argument simmer for more than a fortnight and to end it I try whatever is neccasary becuase at the end of the day I know and they know that i'm a human being not an angel.