Women’s and Men’s English
Women’s English –
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.
We need = I want.
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure…go ahead = I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, furniture and wallpaper…
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something you’re not going to like.
I’ll be ready in a minute = Sit down and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.
Was that the baby? = Get out of bed and walk him until he’s asleep.
I’m not yelling! = I am yelling because I think this is important.
Men’s English –
I’m hungry. = I’m hungry.
I’m sleepy. = I’m sleepy.
I’m tired. = I’m tired.
Do you want to see a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with
you.
Can I take you out for a drive? = I’d eventually like to have sex with
you.
Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress!= Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.
What’s wrong? = I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of
this.
What’s wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are
you going through now?
What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I’m bored. = Do you want to have sex?
I love you. = Let’s have sex now.
I love you, too. = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
Yes, I like your hair cut. = I liked it better before.
Yes, I like your hair cut. = $50 and it doesn’t look that much
different!
Let’s talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with
other guys.
(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin’ dress and
let’s go home!
I don’t think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I’m gay
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