Assalam-u-Alaikum,
I recently got engaged (arranged). The families knew each other really well so the kids didn’t really even get to meet. We are now text chatting to know each other a bit better.
**1/ **Help me understand what’s going on the girls mind? I can understand a few things. I’m sure she’s a bit scared and uncertain. But what does she want concretely? I’m a nice person. I’ve dealt with her politely, etc etc. Everything one can expect for a normal human being. Can the women here tell us more than this general easy stuff that would help assuage the girl and make her feel happier about the marriage?
2/ We’re both a bit different in that I love to read about everything (politics, history, economics). She’s not much of a reader. To someone new to this, this seems a major flaw in this union (I know I know). Is that how you see it too? Can you be truly happy without this sort of intellectual connection with your spouse?
Thank you!
Re: Women of GupShup: Help A Fiance
If you're building up your conversations then I'm sure you guys will get there. She'll start trusting you enough to reveal her own thought process. It will just take time. Share your own fun moments and experiences and I'm sure she'll start doing the same.
I'm a reader and my husband is not but we discovered so many other things we like we can talk about or do together. Just don't put her down for her lack of knowledge or think less of her. I can talk about intricacies of Roman history for hours but he thinks it's all a pile of rubble. I eventually showed him a couple of Roman inspired TV shows and a travel show on Roman landscape and now in his head he's been making plans for a hiking trip to Rome. So you have to learn how to balance your interests without vilifying hers. My husband and I even watch Pakistani soaps together when we sit with my mil which both of us hate (nothing is more intellectually draining than a hum TV drama). It gives me something to talk about with my mil and it makes her feel like we care about her interests.