A material safety data sheet
“WOMAN”, a chemical analysis
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.5kg; may vary from 40 to 200kg
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
- Surface usually covered with painted film.
- Boils at nothing; freezes without any known reason.
- Melts if given special treatment.
- Bitter if incorrectly used.
- Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
- Yields to pressure applied at correct points
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
- Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
- Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
- May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no reason.
- Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES:
- Highly ornamental, especially in a sports car.
- Can be a great aid in relaxation.
- Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS:
- Pure specimen will turn pink when found in natural state.
- Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
POTENTIAL HAZARDS:
- Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
- Several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.