My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
George Burns
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There was
water in the carburettor.”
I asked her , “Where’s the car?” She replied, “In the lake.”
Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge
than to let him keep her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I
got myself two girlfriends.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not
to report it since the thief was spending much less than
his wife did.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant
with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other
fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it
cost to get married?”
The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
Young Son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” The
next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: “You can have mine.”
A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a
millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
“A billionaire.” she replied,
A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,"
Dad! I’ve found a woman just like mother" His father replied,
“So what do you want? Sympathy?”
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest
cheat in Europe.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was
Always.
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost
impossible.
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money,
a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman
- and then,
BAM! it was all gone!".
“What happened?” asked his friend. “My wife found out…”
Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for
whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of
what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, “Okay, give me a million
dollars and beat me till I’m half dead.”
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is
to forget it once.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing
your parachute.
First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: "You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.
(everything said and done in good humour
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif
)
And you thought there didnt exist a “missing link”!?