It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Glasgow edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Glasgow. If you have one of the Glasgow editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Glasgow edition may be recognised by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDAES 98 with a background picture of a Buckfast bottle superimposed on a Clydebank flag. It is shipped with a Buckfast screen saver.
Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled Get tae f..k
Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates
Control Panel is known as How Tae F..k Aboot Wi The Settins
Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk
Floppies are known as Them Wee Plastic Bstrds
Other features:
OK = its aww-right
cancel = f..k off
yes = aye
no = nay f..kin’ chance
find = get it yer f..kin’ sel’
go to = orr therr
help = ah cannae dae it
stop = gie’s a break
start = get ye’re arse in gear
settings = settins
programs = stuff 'at diz stuff
personal folder = ma ****
Also note that Windaes 98 does not recognise capital
letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to WINDAES 98:
tiperiter = a word processor
cullerin book = a graphics program
addin mershene = calculator
scratch paper = notepad (usually unused)
sounds = CD player
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
pikchers = a graphics viewer
dole money = M/S accounting software
Sellik = a spreadsheet of Celtic F.C.'s recent scores
Bevvy = local off-licenses by area code and price of Tennent’s Super
tax records = usually an empty file
Kappa tracksuit inventory (usually 3 meg file)
We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received
a copy of the Glasgow edition. You may return it to Microsoft for
a replacement version.