Re: will you consider
I wouldn’t judge the girl due to the actions of others. I always make my own mind up on someone, after all we are all individuals and actions speak louder than words. She must be pretty special if she isn’t anything like her supposedly “bad” family.
Re: will you consider
If the family can be kept at a distance why not give the person a chance..
We can’t help who we’re related to.. I’ve got a couple of fairly difficult family members myself.. That reminds me I need to blog :hinna:
[/QUOTE]
this keeping family away from her is really tough one. Her family was not this bad in start it all happened after her father passed away when they were just kids. they are total 6 in number, 4 sisters and 2 brother. 1st sister, 2nd brother, 3rd she herself, 4th another sister, 5th brother, 6th sister.
She was just 13 when her father passed away and the eldest (1) was 15 and the youngest (6) sister was just 3 and half year old. after that her eldest sister ruined family image by hanging out with bad gatherings. She can be best defined as Meera (actress of pakistan) she pretty much does things like those . Her (2) brother did his best by doing nothing, by appearance he looks like as if he is smoker or someone takes drugs, he is a freeloader but is well known for spending big amounts of money, he dint studied after metric dont know how he end up getting married being father of one child, he hardly earned in his life, before marriage he lived on (3) his sisters earning and after that he started living on his wife’s earning and when it comes on doing job he becomes a typical molvi saying this job is not halal and things like this, all he does is sleep, eat, or play games, then (4th) sister also seems to be same copy of (1) both spoiled sisters are fully makeup-ed, dressed up like supermodels and have flirty nature, one can easily see.
(3rd) She started earning at a very young age, she is a nikab posh so its hard to tell when she goes and where, but for years she has been spotted in market buying groceries and all other things of needs. She is covered from head to toe and has a very simple lifestyle. She hardly interacts with people, only minds her own business and all you will see her do is looking after her mom. She is well known for being mother of her mother. No one knew her mother was sick, bed bound for a long time. She did her best while her 2 sisters were always busy in attending parties, showing off their styles and ruining the name of the family in many ways, she was seen only with her mother and two youngest siblings whom she proudly claimed as her own kids and after father she took all their responsibility. She left her own studies in between dint complete her graduation and did her best for both baby sister and brother. Thats what makes her special.
Re: will you consider
WOW. After all that you wrote about your past, you want a nice sharif biwi. How typical
Re: will you consider
she does sound so special!
this keeping family away from her is really tough one. Her family was not this bad in start it all happened after her father passed away when they were just kids. they are total 6 in number, 4 sisters and 2 brother. 1st sister, 2nd brother, 3rd she herself, 4th another sister, 5th brother, 6th sister.
She was just 13 when her father passed away and the eldest (1) was 15 and the youngest (6) sister was just 3 and half year old. after that her eldest sister ruined family image by hanging out with bad gatherings. She can be best defined as Meera (actress of pakistan) she pretty much does things like those . Her (2) brother did his best by doing nothing, by appearance he looks like as if he is smoker or someone takes drugs, he is a freeloader but is well known for spending big amounts of money, he dint studied after metric dont know how he end up getting married being father of one child, he hardly earned in his life, before marriage he lived on (3) his sisters earning and after that he started living on his wife’s earning and when it comes on doing job he becomes a typical molvi saying this job is not halal and things like this, all he does is sleep, eat, or play games, then (4th) sister also seems to be same copy of (1) both spoiled sisters are fully makeup-ed, dressed up like supermodels and have flirty nature, one can easily see.
(3rd) She started earning at a very young age, she is a nikab posh so its hard to tell when she goes and where, but for years she has been spotted in market buying groceries and all other things of needs. She is covered from head to toe and has a very simple lifestyle. She hardly interacts with people, only minds her own business and all you will see her do is looking after her mom. She is well known for being mother of her mother. No one knew her mother was sick, bed bound for a long time. She did her best while her 2 sisters were always busy in attending parties, showing off their styles and ruining the name of the family in many ways, she was seen only with her mother and two youngest siblings whom she proudly claimed as her own kids and after father she took all their responsibility. She left her own studies in between dint complete her graduation and did her best for both baby sister and brother. Thats what makes her special.
[/QUOTE]
Re: will you consider
If she’s so special…why are you thinking twice?
Re: will you consider
cause i badly screwed up things. My elder brother got his job thanks to her, same company where she worked, my fiance also end up working in the same company. My brother and she became good friends and my brother started liking her. He expressed his desire to purpose her with me and my mother. My mother dint like that nor i supported him, at that time i was like “sheeeeeeeeeee” i dint oppose him clearly but i did told him to think twice and my mother clearly said to him that this better be a joke. the next day me and my mother met her by chance in the market, and we both expressed our disliking towards her and the next day my brother purposed her, which she turned down smiling saying you should go with your family wishes…and within months we fixed his marriage with another girl, he got married. Two years later me and my fiance got serious problem between us to the point that things were about to end. To my surprise i received a call by her offering part-time job in her office. I went there, worked hardly for a month and then i came to know she planned all this so me and my fiance could met up and find solutions to our problems. She in fact counseled us and helped us sort things out and then we end up happily marrying but ever since i have been under this strange burden.
Re: will you consider
You can repay her by being good to others and helping her when she needs it, rather than trying to marry her.
Re: will you consider
I do think she needs help now badly. i just dont seem to find any way to help her out
Re: will you consider
there are lots of things that i am trying to avoid sharing about her family because i know she would never feel good about them if she ever come to know those were being discussed like this, i do respect her a lot. all i can tell is that her situation has really worsened. the thing i never understood is that whenever she was proposed she said no, dint allowed anyone to proceed. in between there was this one guy who madly wanted to marry her. She kept on saying no then our boss who was like a brother to her and all other senior colleagues convinced her to say yes, as the guy was really nice and was from a good family. She finally accepted his proposal and she went ahead planning things. She was so happy. She change her house while the guy went on umrah with his family. His plan was to bring his family after umrah for the rishta process. I felt so happy for her but that was all i heard. It was like as if she just disappeared. Later on our boss told us that that failed miserably and she is badly depressed, now even our boss says that her siblings are like curse for her and it all ended up just because of them. now finally that family moved back to their old area and i saw her again walking lonely buying groceries in the market but this time she really seemed down, lost in thoughts, she still had her nikab on her face but her eyes were telling a lot about her
Re: will you consider
Sometimes you cannot help people even when you want to. I know a girl in similar situation, though issue is not her family, but can’t do more than pray for her.
Re: will you consider
^ a lot of people just said that to me. But i was thinking what would we do if we were in the same situation ??
Re: will you consider
It would just be a red flag..I’d keep an eye out on it and see if she is truly different. Most girls have mindsets and values similar to someone in their family either mother, father or a sibling because that’s how they have been raised. A mother who is into fashion and socializing all the time, her daughter will likely have the same priorities and values. There are always exceptions but that’s the case for majority.
Re: will you consider
^ and for how long you would like to keep an eye on it. for me i think 15-17 years are enough 
Re: will you consider
Yeah then you should have good judge of her character by now. Her character and personality matter more than her familys.
Re: will you consider
honestly i feel bad about misjudging her that time, and i realize almost everyone thinks the same way. If there was some way i could help her i might feel better
Re: will you consider
Jest sweetheart, jest.
Re: will you consider
thanks for sharing your views with me, also do pray things go well for her and if anyone wish to help do let me know. I dont know if i am doing the right thing but i feel like as a friend i should play my part. Where we live people dont think positive like i found people thinking here on this forum. I wonder if i can find someone for her, i know its a crazy thought but who knows when and how God change things. So if anyone wish to know about her or has any interest in her do let me know, also once again thanks a lot for sharing ur views with me
Re: will you consider
Make sure you don’t harm her, while you try to help her.
Road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Re: will you consider
at times i really get confused and this always happens, i try to forget about her and think that leaving things in Allah’s hand, but then when i get to see her i keep on asking myself am i doing the right thing, years have passed believing that things will change on their own, if something can be done then why not but ur right it might turn out bad too but who knows at least one try if it can change things. If you were in same situation what u do ??
Re: will you consider
Well obviously it’s different for guys. They aren’t marrying into the family, or potentially living with the girl’s family after marriage for their respect/image to also be tarnished. So if the girl’s appealing in all aspects save the family and their reputation, the guy should go for it.