Will i be doing the right thing by breaking up with him?

[Paheli00]

Re: Will i be doing the right thing by breaking up with him?

@annie_bibi

@Paheli: 1 or 2 years of waiting till he gets a job as a specialist and starts earning.

And what about moving abroad? By his actions he has shown that he wasn’t to be settle there and NOT move away…are YOU ok with that? In fact, once he gets a job there and starts earning…the more reason in HIS mind for him not to move.

@annie_bibi

@ShahreyarKhan: What you said just made me feel that i’ll be taking a selfish step breaking up.I’v been self less for the past 5 years,maybe that’s what lead to him not standing by to our initial mutual plan stand.But life is all about compromising.This would be a big compromise from my end.This cycle of compromising won’t end there.

I’ve seen my mother compromise all her life.She has not been a happy woman.
So all these tiny things in mind want me to just back off now,opt for (God willing) an easier way out.Like Paheli said,yes I’m getting old now.Does he not realize that!

1. I’m happy to see that you already realize that compromising with him doesn’t mean YOU will be happy in the long run. In addition to the possibilities mentioned by the other poster…here is another possibility: You let go of this man and find another good rishta through your parents. Find a husband who is approved by your family, is settle aboard etc. He loves/respects you and you get most everything you ever wanted…settling abroad with a great husband…no arguments ever with your family regarding your choices etc. And years from now you think about this current man…and you think to yourself “What the heck was I thinking! Thank GOD I didn’t marry him!”

2. Forget the lack of “gifts/surprises”. My husband isn’t good at those things either but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. You said you wanted a reason to end this? I’ll give you a reason: This man doesn’t respect you as his partner. He knows you want to move aboard. He clearly doesn’t. Instead if DISCUSSING this with you so that you two can mutually agree to a solution…he is being a coward and basically letting you know by his actions that it’s either his way or the highway (ie. you can choose to give up your dreams OR find another man). He has made up his mind without talking to you.

So what makes you think he’ll ask for your opinions or discuss anything with you AFTER marriage? Do you think he’s showing any respect for you or this relationship by his actions?

P.S. There is no shame is taking the “easy way out”. You don’t get any extra reward or prize for making life/marriage more difficult for yourself. In fact, I can make an argument that staying with this man and marrying him is taking the “easy way out” b/c it would be harder for you to walk away and stand up for your dream of having a more financially secure/stable life aboard (btw, I might add this is something your parents also have worked hard for you to achieve).