Re: Wife's Earnings
I must admit I am a bit perplexed at the number of women who believe their earnings are only theirs to keep. Pakistani women want to have their cake and eat it too.
I think American woman got a pretty rough deal. She is equal partner in everything.
Aaj ke zamaney mein ho ya na ho.
I dont know of a woman who shirks her responsibilities as a wife or mother to pursue her career.
Quiet a blanket statement. Just a simple question. What is better place for kids to grow up and learn
Unless u are talking about some Super mom, I just fail to understand how can mom work 8 hours a day and still give full attention to even babies/kids? lets take husband our of equation for a while.
Re: Wife's Earnings
When did this stop being a discussion on women and their earnings and become "should women work or stay home with the kids"?
Anyhow if i was working, i would be all for helping out my husband with the bills and all. Its only fair since he helps me out with our daughter and the house chores when need be.
Re: Wife's Earnings
Honestly I am surprised at the girls who think their earning is only theirs to keep.. If I had that attitude I should have been better prepared for a guy who wouldn't step into the kitchen or help with hosue hold chores, not only that but would also expect me to be wrapped in a burqa raising his dozen children while all he did was earn and reproduce!
I am glad I didn't start the married life with that mindset.. that would be a shame!
Re: Wife's Earnings
GTG, glad to know your views. I was surprised to read some of the posters here whom I consider progressive and up-to-speed with the realities of the world.
A marriage is a partnership IMO, all assets are shared..... earnings should be shared too. If your husband has an ego about the money you earn, you should keep it, save it. whatever.... if he's okay with you paying the bills, then pay them and help him out a bit.
I'm glad my husband doesn't have any issues with me doing whatsoever with** our **money.... as long as we save a portion of it.... I can spend it, send it to his family, my family, give donations, splurge on myself, whatever....
Stumbling upon GS has been such a blessing. I compare my husband with all the guys who post here and I realize what a gem he is. Thank you everyone for making me appreciate my husband more.
Honestly I am surprised at the girls who think their earning is only theirs to keep.. If I had that attitude I should have been better prepared for a guy who wouldn't step into the kitchen or help with hosue hold chores, not only that but would also expect me to be wrapped in a burqa raising his dozen children while all he did was earn and reproduce!
I am glad I didn't start the married life with that mindset.. that would be a shame!
It would also drive me crazy if my husband treated me as a pet and not as a partner.
Re: Wife's Earnings
It should be all joint and if the couple can't trust each other with money then they have bigger issues to worry about.
Re: Wife's Earnings
When I worked, my income went into our joint account. Why should this question even come up, or the need? Not that my husband wanted my money or anything but it just makes sense, eh?
You know how you will never be able to repay your mother for what she went through when she gave birth to you? These ladies you are talking to and about are/will be those mothers. Raising a child is not a 9 - 5 job, its a 24 hour job with no overtime, benefits, instant gratification, etc. What she goes through for 9 months, during and even after childbirth is more then you can imagine or fathom. Rather then trivializing child birth, I would think you might appreciate because thats exactly how YOU got here and are able to write what you did.
A woman gave birth to you...something you will NEVER be able to compensate her for.
yeah, lets keep my mother out of this shall we... any point you need to make can be made a million other ways. thank you.
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Yes, she deserves to keep her money if she earns it. Islam says it, Allah swt says it and you dont agree with it?
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no, I don't agree with it. yes, I know what that makes me and where I'm going after I die, etc etc... so lets not waste our time trying to save my soul with lectures, etc.
this doesn't make sense to me just like 4 wives doesn't make sense to me... and just like (to give an extreme example) stoning to death or cutting people's hands off or a ban on female heads of state doesn't make sense to me.
I'm pretty surprised at the level of disgust and indignation though... one would think I'd suggested that all men be stay at home bums and the poor women work and as soon they can bring home the check, the men bolt for Vegas with the money...
the only good that come out of this thread though was that at least the so-called feminazi group made peace with the mullah party. both quoted ahadith etc to "prove" that women should get to keep "their" money for themselves. this I believe is a crash course in Pakistani politics where a moulvi like Fazlurrehman who as a bonafide Momin must believe that Islamically no woman can be a head of state... but as soon as Benazir offers him a few plum ministries, is happy to overlook that particular part of Islam. both parties get what they want and all is well... Mashallah, Inshallah, Subhanallah, etc, etc...
Re: Wife's Earnings
^ daaaaaaamn.
i didn't know the convention was in town.
Re: Wife's Earnings
samb, you have joted down PURE GEMS. Absolute thrill to read. Love ya man.
Re: Wife's Earnings
Im still confused.... isnt marriage about being there for one another, rathern than saying this is mine and that is yours? Im baffled
PSquared, i kinda have to disagree with u about women working and happily doing their "duties" at home.
A lot of women may not admit it, I will... It can get extremely tough. Especially after a few months where u start questioning all ur choices. Its just a phase one goes through.. hence we dont bother speaking up about it... too much
Re: Wife's Earnings
The ruling in Islam is there for your protection. I know men who left their wives and took HER family inheritance with them. Some of you guys have gems of husbands but it's actually common for some folks to take the wife's money and go on to misuse it. No one is STOPPING you from combining your income in a joint account but understand that you have the freedom to go buy yourself a chi iron as some of the money in the account was earned by YOU.
The Islamic issue of woman keeps her wealth is to protect her in case she marries a retard , and as there are soooooo many out there who are not honest to their spouses (as some here are fairly familiar with), I'm glad the rule exists and you should totally use until you've gained some trust with your hubby.
Re: Wife's Earnings
PCG, i totally understand the ruling and how it is there to protect us women and wives. Lekin, the point u make that we are fully allowed to go buy whatver we want from our money... i get that too some extent. But not fully. If we start going around buying watever that pelases us JUST to say that ISLAM says we can do it.. we're allowed to, I dont agree.
U work together as a team to get finances on track.. you work together to build trust and good communication. If I wanted to buy a dress or something for myself, I would.. id most liekly spend "HIS" money to do so... but if I were gonna go buy something big with "MY" money.. id definately talk to him about it.... it just depends on the situation. There are times, when economically things are going great.. ur both buying things here and there... at other times, liek the times we've just been through in the past year.... u've really gotta put "MY" money aside and make it "OURS".
neways, my whole point is quite fazool cus im pretty sure u get what im saying and its prob not what u meant neways...
point was, sometimes time and circumstances dictate how things should be done
Re: Wife's Earnings
I never said go buy what you want. You're talking to a pakki memon. No on is more frugal than I.
Guaranteed all you ladies spend way more than I do. I am wearing phattay huay shalwaar kameez
Re: Wife's Earnings
^ yeah i get that.... some people can take it literally
Im still confused.... isnt marriage about being there for one another, rathern than saying this is mine and that is yours? Im baffled
PSquared, i kinda have to disagree with u about women working and happily doing their "duties" at home.
A lot of women may not admit it, I will... It can get extremely tough. Especially after a few months where u start questioning all ur choices. Its just a phase one goes through.. hence we dont bother speaking up about it... too much
I think a lot of women experience some sort of sadness when they are at home and put their career on hold. Why wouldnt they? But does it turn into complete regret? I dont think so. I dont think women regret being home, they might feel something missing from their lives which is natural.
Re: Wife's Earnings
How do guys do it? They balance career and family.
Well. Actually let me take that back. Some do a crappy job of it.
I think a lot of women experience some sort of sadness when they are at home and put their career on hold. Why wouldnt they? But does it turn into complete regret? I dont think so. I dont think women regret being home, they might feel something missing from their lives which is natural.
no i actually meant, ones that work... and have kids. They end up going through a lot of confusion as well.
I cant speak for stay at home mums... not entirely. I did have a year off but most women if not all, go through that type of time off from work.
PCG, guys think quite differently. At least i know my hubz does. He knows his responsiblity is to financially support us... that's his main concern. Yes, he has to be there for both of us emotionally and mentally too, but his main concern is to give us the best he can.. do as much as he can for us....
whereas a women working, i guess for me, its moreso to stay in my field, do something for myself.. do somethign with the education ive got... and still be there 100% for my daughter. And the way I know im there for her fully, is from the way she is.