Wife Jokes
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked,
"What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested. Then God
created woman. Since then, neither God nor
man has rested.
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My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last
week it took four state troopers and a dog.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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What is the difference between a dog and a
fox?
About 5 drinks.
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A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman
shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't
eaten anything in four days." She looked at him
and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in
some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his
wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in
every
country, son.
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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife
wanted". Next day he received a hundred
letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have mine."
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The most effective way to remember your
wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would
go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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If you want your wife to listen and pay
undivided attention to every word you say, talk
in your sleep.
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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew
what real happiness was until I got married;
and then it was too late."
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how
much does it cost to get married?" And the
father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
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The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in
one day, I divorced her."
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Women will never be equal to men until they
can walk down the street with a bald head and
a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
“even if u r not hungry just be greedy”