Re: Why take joy in hurting others?
As-Salik,
I've never even met your sister and I could easily tell that she's **jealous **of you even before getting halfway through your post. And I thought to myself how pathetic it is that your sister doesn't realize that she's only making a fool out of herself by behaving like this in front of others. When a person behaves in a rude manner in public, they might think that they are projecting power over you, but they don't realize that they're degrading their own character in front of others. Confident people are secure with themselves and with what they have in life. Insecure people need to pick out flaws in others to make themselves feel more superior.
You might wonder to yourself that why on earth would she be jealous of me when she has everything in the world. You said that you are now thinner than your sister. Well, she feels insecure about her body and so she feels the need to put you down. Perhaps your sister envies your relaxed lifestyle because you are free from the responsibility of having children. Perhaps she's jealous because you have excelled in other areas of your life such as intelligence, sports, or relationships. Perhaps she's jealous because people tend to like you more than her. She makes fun of your nose perhaps because she's jealous of your pretty hair or lovely eyes. A person can envy you for any small petty reason.
Tell me something. Since when did your sister become the standard for beauty? You may think she's better looking than you BUT she's still not Miss World. So why are you so concerned about what your sister thinks? Does your sister pay your bills? Is she paying for your wedding? Is she paying your clothes? Please don't be afraid of her. The most important thing is that your fiance finds you beautiful. If he was not even remotely attracted to you, he would never have agreed to marry you. And your mother-in-law must have liked you, otherwise why would she want to make you a part of her family?
A prominent figure in Islam once said that "Relatives need love. Love does not need relatives." In other words, you don't need to seek your sister's love or approval. If you want sincere love........you can find that from many people in your life such as your parents, your husband, and your friends. You don't need to be dependent upon your sister for love or acceptance. There are many people in your life who love you the way you are.........and you're putting yourself down JUST FOR ONE person?
My advice is that you talk to your sister and tell her how you feel. Start off the discussion in a positive way by mentioning her positive qualities. For example tell her that "You're my sister and I love you because you have an amazing personality, a generous heart, and a strong spirit." (Basically start it off by praise). And then proceed to express your feelings of hurt. Try to avoid using the word "you" when you do this.....because that will make your sister defensive and angry. Stick to "I" messages. For example, tell her "We're sisters and I would like it if the both of us can get along. You're older than me and there is much that i can learn from you. I don't understand why there needs to be constant bitterness and criticizing in our relationship. I'm your sister, not your enemy. I have never wished ill for you. For the sake of God, let's try to work on improving our relationship."
^Try talking to her in this fashion and listen to what she has to say. If she cooperates, that's great. If she doesn't, then move on with your life. Continue showing your sister tolerance......and if she keeps up her crappy behavior.......eventually the world around her will be able to tell that SHE is the one who has the problem. She's just shooting herself in the foot. Don't stoop to her level. Continue showing people that you are the BIGGER *more dignified, more mature person.
*
**********Low self-esteem **can affect other areas of our life as well such as marriage, friendships, job, health. SO.........please don't destroy your happiness in all these areas of life for just **ONE person (your sister).
I know that my post is long but I hope that i've addressed several of your concerns. Be strong and don't give ONE PERSON the power to destroy the most beautiful and special day of your life (wedding). Best wishes for a beautiful and joyous wedding. :)