This double standard is something I don’t get. Why do guys and maybe some girls have preference for someone who has not had relationship before even if they have? If you are chaste and a virgin such a preference makes sense but if you have yourself already had pre marital relationships of whatever type such judgement does not make sense. You’re judging someone who is in the same position as you. Even if you’ve just dated and they’ve done more. Both things are haram.
Then it is ok for some guys to look solely for a girl who has not had any relationship with opposite sex but a girl who has is looked down upon? I don’t understand this side of our community.
Even if I had not been in a past relationship a female’s past relationship status, whether virgin/divorced/widowed/or if she’d had a relationship before, would not be something I’d be bothered with if I like who she is today. How does someone’s past relationships define them today as long as it was monogamous and she was not promiscuous as long as she is of good character. relationship status does not determine good character or likelihood of being faithful or a good wife. I have friends who are divorced or had past relationships but they are now married happily with great husbands. I am also friends with their husbands. At the same time I had a rishta with a girl who said hathaway a virgin then she cheated on me.Not to generalise about virgins as im sure she was an anomaly but it just goes to show that something like that can’t be a judge character.
Re: why should you have preference of girl/guy with no past relationships if you had
It would be 'unrealistic' to deny that insecurity is part of human nature.
Most reasons for preferring inexperienced partners stem from insecurity and there isn't anything wrong with it.
Perhaps a man doesn't want a partner who has had more than him. He wants to grow with her and experience the novelty mutually.
People with past relationships can be jaded and carry emotional baggage. Many inexperienced men want to avoid that.
The biggest subconscious fear for a man is that a woman's past lovers might be better than him - better looking, having better bodies, taller, better endowed, more exciting, having a better lifestyle than him. An idealist might say "so what, she is with you now..that's all that should matter". But its not that simple. Her past lovers may better define her true preferences and she may only be settling for the current guy. No man with self respect wants to be 'settled for'. There might be circumstances that lead her to choose the current guy. There will be unfavorable comparisons and she will always have more attraction, lust and passion for those men.
There is a double standard. Women are judged more harshly for having past relationships. While you must have observed that women are more forgiving to men with past relationships. In fact many women don't care if a man is very 'experienced'. There are reasons for that as well.
Re: why should you have preference of girl/guy with no past relationships if you had
It would be 'unrealistic' to deny that insecurity is part of human nature.
Most reasons for preferring inexperienced partners stem from insecurity and there isn't anything wrong with it.
Perhaps a man doesn't want a partner who has had more than him. He wants to grow with her and experience the novelty mutually.
People with past relationships can be jaded and carry emotional baggage. Many inexperienced men want to avoid that.
The biggest subconscious fear for a man is that a woman's past lovers might be better than him - better looking, having better bodies, taller, better endowed, more exciting, having a better lifestyle than him. An idealist might say "so what, she is with you now..that's all that should matter". But its not that simple. Her past lovers may better define her true preferences and she may only be settling for the current guy. No man with self respect wants to be 'settled for'. There might be circumstances that lead her to choose the current guy. There will be unfavorable comparisons and she will always have more attraction, lust and passion for those men.
There is a double standard. Women are judged more harshly for having past relationships. While you must have observed that women are more forgiving to men with past relationships. In fact many women don't care if a man is very 'experienced'. There are reasons for that as well.
True. women may be insecure as well about height and job status. I see people from other races in west and they are not so insecure. So why are we so insecure? Why are we harsher on females? If not more past relationships what about same number? She may have been with a rock and now she has found diamond she has realised real value. You can't really stop anyone fantasising on a colleague or even celebrity even if they've had no relationships. Shouldn't we think she had experience in past none who were good enough but then she found me rather then thinking she's settling with me because of age or no other rishtas. Women who have had experiences like divorced may in some ways be better than those who have not as well as vice versa
Re: why should you have preference of girl/guy with no past relationships if you had
True. women may be insecure as well about height and job status. I see people from other races in west and they are not so insecure. So why are we so insecure? Why are we harsher on females? If not more past relationships what about same number? She may have been with a rock and now she has found diamond she has realised real value. You can't really stop anyone fantasising on a colleague or even celebrity even if they've had no relationships. Shouldn't we think she had experience in past none who were good enough but then she found me rather then thinking she's settling with me because of age or no other rishtas. Women who have had experiences like divorced may in some ways be better than those who have not as well as vice versa
Every society is harsher on females in this regard, not just us. Like I said its because the dynamics are different for men and women.
People (men) in west who are not insecure are usually the ones who have had plenty of past experiences of their own. That or they have bought into politically correct feminist garbage.
Re: why should you have preference of girl/guy with no past relationships if you had
Every society is harsher on females in this regard, not just us. Like I said its because the dynamics are different for men and women.
People (men) in west who are not insecure are usually the ones who have had plenty of past experiences of their own. That or they have bought into politically correct feminist garbage.
True all societies are harsh in that way. I just believe i should treat others how i want to be treated and since i don't have an innocent pat who am i to judge.
I don't feel insecure about past relationships. Only insecurity i have is about the skin colour but thats only when i'm around people who judge.
Re: why should you have preference of girl/guy with no past relationships if you had
It would be 'unrealistic' to deny that insecurity is part of human nature.
Most reasons for preferring inexperienced partners stem from insecurity and there isn't anything wrong with it.
Perhaps a man doesn't want a partner who has had more than him. He wants to grow with her and experience the novelty mutually.
People with past relationships can be jaded and carry emotional baggage. Many inexperienced men want to avoid l.
This!
Those are kind of the reasons I did not want a husband with a past. I never had any relationships prior to meeting him and honestly expected the same because I did not want to be haunted by the thought of him being with anyone before. I'm sort of possessive :p. So I wasn't being a hypocrite like having past relationships and wanting the opposite in my spouse. Although I think if you liked someone with the knowledge that he had a past and he was honest about it maybe it can be overcome.
Despite it all I discovered that a few girls were after my husband, but he was never interested and was honest to me about it, so it didn't bother me.
Re: why should you have preference of girl/guy with no past relationships if you had
It would be 'unrealistic' to deny that insecurity is part of human nature.
Most reasons for preferring inexperienced partners stem from insecurity and there isn't anything wrong with it.
Perhaps a man doesn't want a partner who has had more than him. He wants to grow with her and experience the novelty mutually.
People with past relationships can be jaded and carry emotional baggage. Many inexperienced men want to avoid that.
I would feel being insulted if i being a spouse compared with past one. If the past one was better than why to leave him on first instance and what is the benifit to cry over it now.
