hey people
i am a muslim girl, and have got one brother, mum always is like sticking up for him, and whenever my bro says something to me to do, they immediately repeat it, and add there two cents worth, and they always treating him way better then they do me? what is it with muslim familys and girls? i dont get it?
am i being paranoid? because what i have described has got so bad, i just come to my room and start crying, then they give me silent treatment. god only knows why?
i feel like screaming sometimes, but i cant, cuz i fear that will get me in even more trouble.
thx for all your replies, hope u understand what im trying to say.
desikuri
Hi Desikuri,
I know how you feel. Our religion emphasizes fairness. Do you know there is a hadith where a man came to the Prophet SAWS and told him that he had bought a slave as a gift for one of his sons. The man asked the Prophet SAWS to be a witness to this gift. And the Prophet SAWS did not want to be witness to this gift because he told the man that he should treat his children fairly otherwise they will grow to resent him.
A pretty simple concept isn't it? Plain common sense that requires only a moment of thinking and a conscience. Unfortunately many desi parents don't get this. And some parents later wonder to themselves why their son went astray and became too spoiled and self-centered to care for them. It's because too much of anything is not good. If you are constantly invalidating a child's feelings....you risk that child resenting you or developing ill-feelings toward the other sibling and possibly even having self-esteem issues. And if you're constantly favoring and spoiling one child over the other.....you risk that child becoming self-centered and not learning accountabily.
Now I understand that sometimes the kids can be wrong and the parents are absolutely right in their actions and discipline. ** BUT**........i've also seen desi families where the sons are unreasonably favored. It's sad.
Regardless of disagreements, your mom and brother SHOULD NOT be joining forces in giving you the SILENT TREATMENT. That is a form of manipulation and control. You brother may not know any better.........but at least your mother should not be encouraging your brother to give you the cold shoulder. That's immature. A mother should try her best to encourage communication and unity between her children...........instead of (knowingly or unknowingly) breeding resentment and separation. Here are some ideas:
1) Talk to your mom NICELY about your feelings. Start with the positive. Tell her you love and that you respect her and don't intend to deliberately cause any problems for anyone in the family. And then proceed to tell her how you feel. Remind your mom that you are her child as well even though you're a girl. And request her to hear and consider ALL sides of an argument before rushing to side with your brother. Ask her to at least listen to your side. Tell her that it's hurting you. Sometimes when you DIRECTLY tell a parent that they have hurt your feelings.......they might wake up and think about things.
2) Can you talk to your dad about this? If he is more fair-minded, then perhaps he can talk to your mom and brother about what they're doing.
3) When you get into an argument with your brother........instead of getting immediately defensive.....take a moment to think about the argument. It's possible that you might realize that your brother is right and you're wrong ...or... that the whole argument is toooo stupid and petty to make a big deal out of it. Also, it's possible that your mom might have good reasons for not letting you do certain things. Talk to her about and discuss your points calmly
4) Talk to your brother about how you feel. Mabe he'll reflect over his actions.
****** You said that your mom treats you unfairly but you never mentioned any examples and details. And there are always 2 sides to a story. Without knowing the examles or your mom's side.........it's hard to determine how "innocent" you might be. But, as I said earlier, I HAVE seen unfair treatment of daughters and unreasonable favoring of sons in some desi families. Don't forget prayer. If your mom is indeed being unfair, then pray to Allah to guide her and your brother and to give you patience/strength.