always take a third party with u when seeing a movie with a guy, cus then u can disown him when he starts laffing in a funny way :) just kidding..
clarification, are we discussing a girl initiating a date or just going to the movies? i think they're separate issues. A guy and gal going for dinner/movies doesnt necessarily mean a date.. right?
^ Exactly!
a girl asking another girl out, now there is something NEW for our desi community in the west to talk about.
this girl boy thing is honestly getting very old.
a girl asking a guy out on a date is different than just hanging out with guy friends.
I don't think I own a right to define words such as 'date' so I will just post a definition of date from dictionary.com:
An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
One's companion on such an outing.
so according to the above def, going out with someone to see movies is considered a date even if they're not romantically involved...right??
Who’s this molana???
Hey if girls did us a favour and asked us out it would be easier NOT to pay for the darn rip off movie :D
yes yes its hypocritical. live with it or around it.
yup .. definitely its kind of hypocritical..
i was asked a few times myself, nothing wrong with it .. u liked someone, u asked them out.. SIMPLE AS THAT!
ladies: and if someone/group says something, tell'em to scratch where it itches.. let it go :-)
hmmm cant u ask someone to go the movies without any romantic feelings?
it was like in uni days, if i had a male friend, it was automatically assumed by all desis that he was my boyfriend. We'd be fighting over some data flow diagram and people thought we were having relationship problems.. yes we were! he said M:M and i said O:M
Nadzzz :hugggg: glad that u r getting done with finals…abb get some sleep aight 
yaar…hmmm…actually…what i said was just a thought…not necessarily my opinion for all such cases…i dont know yaar…u really cant make a blanket statement i think abt these thingz…coz it depends on the specific case and the scenario…
and if i think of her as a cheap kurri thats my FAULT..coz what gave me the right to think of myself as better and how do i know what her intentions were whats in her heart? i need to work on my own self so i can be more accepting/tolerant and less self righteous innit…
hmm…if ever i was asked such a thing i just refused politely and nicely coz i dont think its right as u said to go alone to the movies with a na mehram…and i dont think any of those guys who asked me were “cheap” or “studs” or whatever…i knew the guy was jus asking not coz he was interested like that [and even if he was and was asking nicely whats wrong with that, it would be a compliment to me would it not? as long as he’s not misbehaving with me or making me feel uncomfortable i dont see whats wrong with it or why it makes him bad for asking?] but usually these guys asked just coz they did have other female friends [who were perfectly shareef but just had different cultural backgrounds] who did go to the movies with them…
but its also true nadz that there are some first class perpetual adolescent idiots out there who think they’ve ‘scored’ if they are able to ask a girl and she says yes…and then they get a massive ego out of it and brag abt it to their friends…yes i indeed have seen such sorry cases…i dont know if they really mean it or if thats just the way guys talk..? i dono…but its DISGUSTING and i feel like guys like these should be all put on a rocket and exiled to the moon!!! but maybe i shudnt judge them either…i dono…
the movies is one thing yaar, but there’s been times in college i’ve even met desi fob guys alone on campus at night to work on projects…i know meeting them alone at night was not something ideal that i did and if i had another option i wouldnt do it but in those cases it was a majboori and i think i did the right thing..alhamdulillah…
its true tho that u’re both human so u just have to make sure that when u r alone ur mind is on the right things and u have to make ur attitude such that they also dont get any wrong ideaz…coz yaar when two na-mehrams r alone, the third person with them is shaitaan…and he can polute ur thoughts…the noblest r indeed those who r able to have control on that shaitaan…
hmmm also nadz i have MY comfort level…that doesnt mean someone else who’s doing something thats beyond my comfort level is wrong coz everyone has their own comfort levels…and thats OK…i feel like U have to set ur own limits..there will always be ppl who r more conservative and those who r more liberal…u shudnt look down at someone whose levels r more liberal or be too impressed by someone whose levels are more conservative…u shud be confident abt urself…u should just be confident abt ur standards, not caring too much what ppl think except ur family and friends, as long as in ur heart u know u r right..
so yes…if the kurri thinks she is right in asking the guy to the movies, more power to her, she should do what she thinks is RIGHT…i respect those individuals most who believe in themselves and do what they think is truly right and can nicely defend their actions in front of others if questioned…and they dont look down on people who have different limits…
i think believing in something else and doing something else and having wrong intentions and being insincere with people is the worst thing, thats whats truly bad…hypocrisy is the biggest sin…
sadzzz 
nerdy grin relationship problems???
chaaaaaaaa gai kurriye hahahahahahahah
i am gona share this joke with all my desi CS friends agar ijzat ho to 
CorruptAngel the guy u r describing sounds like a first class UKP to me ugh such sorry cases make me wana puke yeah so u can label the girl as a whatever and its OK for u to do all that? *rolleyes: i’m sorry but no its NOT ok. your behavior should be based on who YOU r and what YOUR believes r. these r the idiots who just dont have respect for women and ughhhhhhh
full ijazat mate 
hehe… i think the chai has gotten to my head
^^
thanks sadzzzz
i just had chai too btw 
Currupt Angel, That guy was a first-class jerk.
CocoNut, Acha i'll learn to live with it :~P
Faizy, >>let it go :-)<<
yeah i guess you are right.
Sadzzz, lolz @ the data flow diagram description.
Yes you can definitely ask someone to the movies without romantic feelings. But in that case, i would feel more comfortable if it was a whole group setting...not just a guy and a girl, alone, together. hmmmm thinking i understand what you mean regarding peoples' perceptions and misunderstandings being created simply because two people of opposite genders are studying together. If i saw a desi guy and gal studying together [as you were with your friend], i would hopefully not be that narrow-minded to automatically assume that he's your bf. i'd just think - study partners. But if i see a guy and gal at the movies, just the two of them, then a fleeting thought does cross your mind. i don't know if i make any sense. i don't know, after reading some of the replies in this thread, now i'm feeling a bit confused. i don't want to jump on the bandwagon and point fingers at anyone and say 'oh he's so immoral for asking a girl out'. God knows i am not perfect myself and i always keep harping about peoples' intentions and only God can read inside our hearts... So then why am i judging the guy who asks the girl out.
But something in my heart just tells me, it can't be right from an Islamic pov. That's what i keep coming back to. Whatever else i am wrong about, at least this is a factual point. If they went as a mixed group, it's alright. If they go to a public place, it's okay. But one-on-one, just the two of them...even if they don't have romantic feelings to begin with, kuch bhi ho sakta hai inside the movie theatre. ugh um i'll just leave it at that. :~/
Irem,
aw. You didn’t have to take all that time and effort and energy to write that beautiful reply out 
Sorry yaar. But thank you, i really appreciate it. It was so detailed, thank you.
But (sorry, i don’t mean to disagree with you 
but i’m trying to figure this out) he’s already made you feel uncomfortable by asking the question, hasn’t he ?
lol @ exiled to the moon. If they can send one man to the moon, why can’t they send them all :halo: 
For the sake of argument, let’s make it more complex and pretend that it’s a FOB guy asking an ABCD girl this question, theek hai. FOB guy goes upto ABCD gal and says do you want to go to the movies. Does he assume that because she’s an ABCD, that she would jump up and say “YES” to the movies, because she’s lived in a western country most of her life so afterall she has no morals and therefore it will make him more of a stud amongst his friends if he gets the ABCD girl to say yes? Or maybe he just likes her companionship, Allah behtar jaanta hai. Like you said, maybe i can’t judge his niyyat. i always keep harping (mostly in the Religion Forum) that only Allah is the Judge of someone’s character… hmm tau am i being hypocritical in this scenario by not following my own advice ?
Very beautiful thoughts, Irem, Masha’Allah.
i guess, partially, what it comes down to, is for me not to judge anyone either way. i hate it when people do that to me… so am i doing it to someone else in this scenario - maybe the guy ? hmmm All i know is that, if the desi guy is okay with asking a girl out, then the next time he hears about XYZ larki who asked a guy out, then he should not look down on her and he should not pre-judge her. What’s good enough for him to do, is good enough for the girl to do. At the very end, Allah will Judge each of us separately.
nadz
hmm…yeah 
but yaar…i dont think he has done something wrong upto the point where he’s asking respectfully and in a decent manner…u know :S
i think there are two reasons why i would feel uncomfortable:
that he has asked me to go to the movies, he must think i’m some ‘loose’ girl…what have i done that gives the impression that i am a ‘loose girl’ who will go to the movies with a guy? is this the impression i give of myself?
dilemma: he could have sincere intentions, like maybe he likes me as a person and just wants to get to know me better purely as a sister/friend…or maybe he is asking me just out of politeness or something??? i mean who knows the reason right it could be a one in a million things!!! but i can’t say yes coz going to the movies is beyond my limits…so i’ll have to say no…and that’s gona make him feel bad coz hearing no is unpleasant…and i dont wana make anyone feel bad…specially this person who was nice to me…
hmmmmmmmmmmmm…
nadz…yaar we all judge…we all do…
the main thing is we dont treat anyone unfairly…
and remember one thing yaar..IF SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING TO YOU WITH A BAD NIYAT ITS NOT YOUR FAULT AND IT DOESNT MAKE YOU BAD…you are not responsible for someone else’s actions…who cares what the fob guy thinks in this case? if they think the abcd has no morals or whatever [and yes, we fobs are guilty of thinking this a lot of the times… but i really think we should not think this…i really want to get rid of this stereotype from my mind, i think its just a feel-good thing we have so we can feel superior…and it really sucks]…
yaar its none of our business what the other person thinks…let them think what they want…what we should care about is WE dont get affected by what they think…
but i know this becomes tough when its someone u care about who thinks like this :S
sigh…why is this world so complicated nadz yaar…bas…there is only one solution to this syapa…TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF…dont think too much…kasmay…