Isnt that non-islamic, two of our family girls are married in non-desi muslim families(one in afghani, one in arab) the groom or his parents paid for everything; girls clothes, jewelry, salon expenses, wedding functions(hall, food, photography everything) plus both girls had a separate living arrangement to start a new family(bride and groom) and those families were awe struck-en by the normal desi weddings. One more thing mehar was paid within 24hrs of nikkah.
hmmmm…what do you guys think. My afghani BIL tu thinks our shadis dont follow sunnat.
Re: Why in desi shadis girl side is supposed to pay more than boys side
shaadii na huii baniyaagirii huii...jahez kaa denaa lenaa, Khaas kar jabran, qaabil-e-qubool nahiiN magar mehr adaa karnaa farz hai...magar ho sab ulTaa rahaa hai...jo nahiiN lenaa chaahiye, jahez, vo lete haiN aur jo denaa chaahiye, mehr, use mo'aaf karvaa lete haiN yaa phir iltavaa [deferred] karvaa lete haiN (through social pressures) ... ise kahte haiN tooRnaa maroRnaa [manipulation]...la'nat hai aise logoN par Allah kii aur uske Rasool [SAWS] kii!
Re: Why in desi shadis girl side is supposed to pay more than boys side
Dowry is lanat and yeah, whoever follows it, should be ashamed of it!
I am no scholar but from what I know Dowry is sunnat. Those are the things parents can afford for their girl and are given to the girl as gift without any pressure or involvement from the guys' side.
Re: Why in desi shadis girl side is supposed to pay more than boys side
Isnt that non-islamic, two of our family girls are married in non-desi muslim families(one in afghani, one in arab) the groom or his parents paid for everything; girls clothes, jewelry, salon expenses, wedding functions(hall, food, photography everything) plus both girls had a separate living arrangement to start a new family(bride and groom) and those families were awe struck-en by the normal desi weddings. One more thing mehar was paid within 24hrs of nikkah.
hmmmm...what do you guys think. My afghani BIL tu thinks our shadis dont follow sunnat.
There is a lot about Afghanis that is the furthest from sunnat, but lets not start on that.
You are comparing cultures, which is unfair. Weddings include both religious and cultural aspects. It is unrealistic to expect a Pakistani wedding to be the same as an arab wedding. In Pakistan, dowry has taken a bad turn, mainly because of influence from India, but otherwise, dowry is not a lanat, it is a sunnat.
It is a vital part of Pakistani culture for families to live together in the same house, even if they can afford to buy separate houses. I think this tradition is lovely, and would not trade it for arab or afghani traditions.
In Pakistan, wedding expenses are divided between the two sides fairly equally. Wedding from the bride, and Walima from the groom. Now if the bride's side chooses to spend more, and groom's less, it doesnt automatically mean that the girl's side 'has' to pay more.
If at all we are to discuss islamic and un-islamic aspects of our lives, then I wouldnt even know where to begin.
Re: Why in desi shadis girl side is supposed to pay more than boys side
Oh please. Desi weddings are so huge, that both girl and guy are broken money wise after it. This whole "oh girls family"-thing is so overrated and outdated as well. Gonne are those days where the guys family was just enjoying themselves (thankfully). Nowadays every bride has a long list of things she wants from her groom and inlaws with the signature "Hum mein toh yeh rivaaj hai" ..
And please dont be so naive about afghan and arabic wedding expenditures. The kinda things which happen there are not so Sunnat either.
Re: Why in desi shadis girl side is supposed to pay more than boys side
Ok, let me rephrase to make you people more understandable! What people have taken dowry as and has set different trends.. Groom demanding a whole list or even if they dont, parents who are not financially strong and feel ashamed what will they give to their daughter.. what will the ‘larkay walay’ think…all this stuff… I meant THAT^ Dowry!!
Re: Why in desi shadis girl side is supposed to pay more than boys side
There are practices that aren't necessary but at the same time don't really cause harm or unhappiness.. Not providing enough space/housing and not paying the mehr in time can cause all sorts of major problems..
OP, separate living arrangments are normal for nearly all non-desi Muslim brides.. I can't think of another culture which expects brides to move in with inlaws apart from ours.. If a girl wants to then good for her but making out that anyone who doesn't want to is some kind of 'feminazi' is obviously ridiculous..
Silaaj, of course it's a 'lovely' tradition from your standpoint.. you aren't the one making the sacrifices.. you get the advantages of a new wife without the extra responsibilities :D
(I don't think it's fair the guy's side should pay everything or be stretched beyond their limits.. there should be balance and compromise)
Re: Why in desi shadis girl side is supposed to pay more than boys side
My mum has it in her head she needs to buy my new future bed linen, towels, shalwar kameez’, iron, ironing board, crockery, cutlery, pots and pans. I don’t know how to tell her that my fiance’s family already have those things and my fiance can’t afford his own house yet.
Ok, let me rephrase to make you people more understandable! What people have taken dowry as and has set different trends.. Groom demanding a whole list or even if they dont, parents who are not financially strong and feel ashamed what will they give to their daughter.. what will the ‘larkay walay’ think…all this stuff… I meant THAT^ Dowry!!