Why don't women...

[Krypton]

Re: Why don’t women…

@Mezhgan

^Phil, my comment was not in regards to how grand or not weddings are or what girls’ motivations are for getting married. I was referring to the loads of compatibility issues people seem to have, which seem to be common sense (or lack thereof) and inquiring as to why people don’t sort these out prior to getting married.

sorry, my respsonse wasn;t to you…it’s to people who seem to have grossly diverted the thread. i should read your post

[Krypton]

Re: Why don’t women…

@Deeba1234

^Some people just say ‘it’s Allah’s will’ and leave it at that.. Strangely we aren’t as passive or fatalistic when it comes to applying for a job or buying a house or car.. We woudn’t walk into those situations blind so why go into a marriage like that?

i think the idea of not being able to find anyone else…it’s definitely a widely held belief and maybe true

[uzair1]

Re: Why don't women...

Based on some of the threads from the past week or so, I’ve come to the conclusion that many of the issues that result in drama are issues that really should have been considered and given serious thought prior to marriage. This raised a question for me.

If women feel strongly about a particular issue and it is quite important to them, why not hold out for a guy that feels the same way regarding said issue rather than marrying some poor sod who does not and then trying to change him later? For example, the living with in-laws bit. If living independently is quite important to someone and they feel rather strongly about it, to the point of this becoming an issue of contention later, why not wait for a guy that is also independent and feels the same way rather than marrying a guy that THEY KNOW is quite attached to his parents and is intent on living with them and trying to change him later?

The same can be said about specific attributes or personality characteristics. If a woman is after some specific characteristic in a potential spouse and it is quite important, why not wait for a guy that posses said quality rather than marrying a guy who does not and then trying to mould the guy to their liking? Overall, wouldn’t it be much easier and less dramatic to marry someone that is on the same page and already to your liking?

Not familiar with the idea of "constrained mindset" are you?

[Jasmine_Tea]

Re: Why don't women...

Easier said than done. I have known my husband for 10 years. My husband lived alone when I met him. I fell in love with him and then came the expectation that I would have to live with his family. Believe it or not, I put away marriage for a good five years. I knew this would be an issue because more than anything I know the kind of person I am. I am extremely private and do not like to be around people. I am so private that I have never even had friends throughout school. I finally gave in because we could not live without each other and he made some promises which with each day seem impossible to keep. I have become this person I can't even identify with. One thing I know is that I will never ask him to live away from his parents and he knows that. I would rather walk out than ask him for this. It is tough to give away your freedom and live each minute knowing that nothing is going to change and that you will lose whether you choose to stay or leave.

I hope you (at least quietly) pride yourself for being such a strong person to be doing that for him out of love. That sounds like a serious compromise and you seem to be doing your best to make it work.