when your mother in law or siser in law say something/do something than when it’s your own family?
UGH…
My mother in law whom I email with regularly and both my husband and I have worked very hard to appease her fears of " a girl taking her son and making him forget his mother ", keeps leaving messages on our answering machine but just saying salam to him..,not even saying anything to me. It bothers me and my husband but we really don’t know what to say or do about it…without causing bigger ruckus.
we find excuses for those who we consider ours...n plus deep down we KNOW they care about us..no matter what...with ur inlaws ur not rele sure about how much they care for and love u n u tend to take to heart the little things
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*Originally posted by Degas: *
not relating to ur particular case.. it hurts more since we ignore mistakes by our own family and others small errors are taken as mountains..
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I agree with that, but i understand your felling that you are hurt. maybe she is not doing this with purpose, maybe she just used to only call her son..
SAAS/ BAHOO ancient story. my teory is that a saas can never be a mother and a bahoo can never be a daughter. they must learn to respect these relationship and not expect relationship to be something else, the saas to be mother for the bahoo, and the bahoo to be daughter.
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*Originally posted by larki_punjaban: *
we find excuses for those who we consider ours...n plus deep down we KNOW they care about us..no matter what...with ur inlaws ur not rele sure about how much they care for and love u n u tend to take to heart the little things
No real experience...just my theories :p
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but it takes a lots of courage,patience,tolerance and most of all TIME to consider 'em OURS
That is one possessive mother in law. Simple tell your husband her son to talk to her about it. Its better than you saying anything, which will just add fuel to her fears.
amelie… this relationshiop instrinsically is such that there’s a little tension and jealousy…but try to minimise that…i’ll just repeat what i keep hearing being told to bahoos…
be nice, respect ur saas at all costs and never be disrespectful to her…always remember that she is ur buzurg…also if u r nice to her she will be nice to u…if something is really bothering u try to ignore it, and if u cant then dont tell ur husband to tell her, that just creates more problems and adds stress to the husband’s mind…maybe mention it to her very nicely and politely in a way that she doesn’t feel offended at all…
yaar ur saas doesnt live with u either, she lives far away…so try to just ignore things that bother u…
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*Originally posted by Degas: *
.. it hurts more since we ignore mistakes by our own family and others small errors are taken as mountains..
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*Originally posted by larki_punjaban: *
we find excuses for those who we consider ours...n plus deep down we KNOW they care about us..no matter what...with ur inlaws ur not rele sure about how much they care for and love u n u tend to take to heart the little things
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True true…I agree on making it mountains, because it’s such a new relationship that HAS to go well, you’re much more careful and sensitive to all aspects of it.
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*Originally posted by lastknightess: *
As long as your hubby loves and respects you..screw the world...but makes sure hes right beside you..;)
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:) We can't exactly say "screw" you to his parents And we don't want to.... However, hubby is great about being supportive and communicating. Last night he got an email askign us about what we were up to and ending with Love you both, mummy..
He joked that I get email privilages hopefully soon she's move to phone too. :)
We both realize it's certainly not intentional on his mom's part but it's stll hard not to be hurt by it. The good think is that I can tell him about it and let him know that it hurts BECAUSE I have worked so hard to develop a relationship with his parents, etc. Not to tell him see how horrible your mom is to me but just " i was hurt by this"...it made me feel good to know that it bothered him too.
We're not going to say anything directly to her. Perhaps his sister may do it if by chance she hears a message but it could get taken very wrong if he says anything and I don't think it's my place.
Amelie I can relate to your situation. My mil is similar in her treatment of me. I am somehow excluded from the picture when it comes to certain things. I just accept this and keep my mouth shut. I have pretty much figured out how I fit into the scheme of things and I keep my own self-worth to myself. Always keep your self-confidence and be the 'bigger person'. Because alot of those things mil does are out of insecurity and fear. Afraid of losing son's love and attention, also maybe afraid that you don't like her. My mil never had a daughter and for the beginning of our marriage I was her 'beti'. Now somehow I am shoved aside when my daughter was born and she is now her 'beti'. I have accepted her whims and I ride the roller coaster that is her life.
My husband has apologized numerous times. But I've never complained, except for one thing. I said that no matter what I do I feel like she will never accept me and I will never be good enough. I have done everything to keep her happy and always been nice, but she always finds something that makes me not good enough. I think it's just the fact that our relationship is conditional. I just have to accept that fact.
Amelie, perhaps your husband needs to step up and tell his mother what he thinks. He needs to tell her that she is hurting his wife. A mother has her place and a wife has her place, one can under no circumstances take the place of the other. Just because he is married now and has different priorities doesn't mean that he loves his mother any less.
His mother NEEDS to be told that she is hurting her daughter in law. Trust me, desi boys are mama's boys, they love their mothers and are deathly afraid of standing up to them, I've been through this. But finally I grew a pair and talked to my mom and she was devastated when she realized what she was doing. Now I can't separate her from my wife when we go visit my parents.
mannnn