Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Instead of ‘comment edit’, Reason of edit should be ’ have just put on glasses’ 
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
please allow her. she is alone in pakistan. i dont know how could she manage to appear on gs. if she start searching it will consume her time.
She was the same in UK.
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
She was the same in UK.
:D
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
there are advantages and disadvantages to both situations Nadz. I got married 6 months ago, and I DONT live with my in-laws. Yes, its nice to have our own space, and not have to ask if we want to go somewhere, and do our own thing...but at the same time there are things we cant do, that couples who live with the in-laws can do.
I will give you a couple of examples. My friends who have gotten married and live with their in-laws:
- dont have to pay rent/mortgage
- dont have to buy their own groceries
- dont have to pay for internet and cable and home phone connection
- dont have to buy all new furniture to furnish their apartment
- dont have to buy all new appliances and dishes and utensils
- they are able to save more money
- they take more vacations than I can
- they have people in the house to help them out
- if they are sick, they are not expected to still do everything
- ramadaan is better with lots of people - me and my husband live alone in this city, and we have no one to have iftar with, or celebrate Eid with!
The grass is always greener on the other side! We always want what we dont have! Trust me, its not perfect living on your own either. Like I listed above, my husband and I have to do all that stuff on our own, and because of that, we cant fully enjoy doing everything we want. I would love to travel more, but because we have so many expenses, its not possible. It was really hard setting up house at the beginning. And we have to be careful about what we are spending, to make sure at the end of the month we have enough money for rent, for groceries, for electricity, for our car payments, for our insurance, for our outings, for savings.
Be thankful to Allah you have a free roof over your head, free food to eat, free internet connection, free satelite, etc. Cause when you have to pay for this all on your own, then you will realize the advantage to living with your in-laws.
While it's mostly true for women living in Pakistan, it's actually quite the opposite for women residing in the west. I changed homes and I pay the rent and more bills now than I did before and it's not even my house or my parents!
Also there's nothing in it for me. The only reason I am ok with living with them is because they are wonderful, caring, and loving.
Ah...things we do for love!
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
:hinna: Nadzy…you don’t HAVE to live your in-laws. You can just leave. It doesn’t seem like they want you around either. Maybe they’re also secretly wondering “Vhy daaz bahu haaz to live with aaas?”
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
ok, usually the boy who lives with inlaws will say jahan larka rehta hai nthats where the girl should live, however living with boys parents is not islamic, its become our culture, is it ok for boys to live with their parents and then expect wife to live there as well......
i know im mentioning religion, but we all pick and choose it, no one here can sya they are perfect muslims.....
I am a guy and you know one of the most ironic thing is that my parents are very traditional. In particular my dad..he is very very traditional type. So apparently his idea was follows:
-His Son (me) get married and then live in one big joint family. In addition to this, i hand-out all my money to him so he could take out money according to his wish. And with that, he would have control in the house and do what he says. Otherwise it was highway.
Well turn out, i strickly told my dad as my younger brother did. "We love you and respect you, however, we won't be living in the same house because we find it unfair to a girl to not have her own place. Secondly, I will help you financially and take care of you with everything and i will not hand you my full pay-check. My dad didn't like it and i ended up moving out since i am 28 anyway. (I was living independently even before that as well). Which is to say, Alhamdullilah i help my parents out as well and so as my brother.
Kehnai ka maqsad hai keh no matter how much we love our parents they should understand us. Now, if i was living like in your husband's case with mother and sister only then obviously i am not going to leave my mom and sis. However, i would definately make it clear about any mis-adventour from my mom, or sister. The fine line is to keep it balanced as much tough and hard it is.
P.S>. I despise our culture and especially traditional thinking!
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Superb yar! :k:
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Who knows in futre when you might have a son (your daughter would obviously be IA married away happily) and you would be say crossing 60ish something given you are alone and also once you cross 60 you could have some health problems too (God forbid : am just putting up a hypothetical situation) try telling your son
'Islamically or even otherwise in laws should not be living with the couple as they are always causing so much trouble and interference. So please leave me alone or send me to an old home. ’
:halo:
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
BLOG....thats what u need.... To express ure feelings and what u are thinking bout... Blog blog blog!
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
^WORD
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
aap ko life1 kay post count se dushmani hai 
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
LoLS!!!
It IS very easy to manipulate religion for our way out but at the end of the day deep down we know we are only bluffing ourself.
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
…and for long i used to think Xtron is a girl 
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
hahaha.
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Nadz..do you have a brother? If so, how would u feel if he left your parents in their old age and moved out?
I know what you are going through...its hard..I know...me and hubby live alone and yes there are advantages-we can go out when we want, I can slump around for the whole day and no1 can say anything to me...but there are disadvantages too-house is too quiet, sometimes gets boring...etc etc..
However, this is something u and ur hubby shud have discussed b4 getting married....me and hubby were not allowed to get married until he bought a house...his parents live abroad and I know that one day they will come to live with us...and I look forward to that inshallah..yes there will be disadvantages but look at the advantages too...his parents are getting old and they took care of my hubby when he was young so why cant we be their support in their old age?
I have 1 brother...and I always put myself in my parents shoes...how wud i feel if he left them on their own when they needed him the most in their old age...
What u do is what comes round....inshallah today u will support them or respect them and ur kids will respect you too inshallah...
I knw its hard...but come to terms with it...life will become easy for you xx
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Why does it have to come down to extremes?? Many ppl I know who left home after marriage live within 10-15 minutes of their parents and pop in to see them all the time. Not living at home doesn’t have to mean parents being sent to a nursing home or left neglected.
Btw when Islam is brought into the equation it’s usually to correct those posters who make out it’s a religious obligation and somehow preferred for the son to stay living in his parents’ home his whole life with his wife when it’s not (unless there’s a real need). Most of us who’d prefer to live seperate do so because it’s just less hassle all round.
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Why does it have to come down to extremes?? Many ppl I know who left home after marriage live within 10-15 minutes of their parents and pop in to see them all the time. Not living at home doesn't have to mean parents being sent to a nursing home or left neglected.
Btw when Islam is brought into the equation it's usually to correct those posters who make out it's a religious obligation and somehow preferred for the son to stay living in his parents' home his whole life with his wife when it's not (unless there's a real need). Most of us who'd prefer to live seperate do so because it's just less hassle all round.
I know Deeba what you are talking about. I just said this because I want to make nadz realise that in her situation she can't do much. At times one has to live with their in laws because of either of these reasons of their frail health or them being alone. In her case, her husband is jobless at the moment. She's pregnant with her second kid. She shouldn't be talking about this. And a person realises best when they themselves get into the situation of being left out. Something all of us have to come across yet.
My grandmother no matter how much she encouraged her sons to move on their own felt really lonely and scared after Daada's death. Thankfully my dad never budged and we lived together with her. Infact my chacha's family lived with us too for a long. And when she had stroke she fainted in her room. Imagine even if we had been living about 5 minutes away from her, we probably wouldn't have known she was unconscious or was in this bad a condition. Say she had full time servants too...they are not around all the time and servants/maids never actually care to be around them all the time...infact they try to stay away because being around them would mean continuous chores.
It isn't easy I know ..but it's always better to find a middle ground and be happy with what one has ! :)
Re: Why do we have to live with inlaws?
Couldn't be worse than living with the Outlaws :P