Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
But like PCG said... this generation doesn't care.
which leads to the next set of logical questions:
- why doesn't this generation care?
- is it good that this generation just doesn't care?
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
The customs and attitude adopted by Pakistanis living abroad and culture and social set up of Pakistan as a country are two totally different things!
"This generation" living in Canada/UK/US doesn't care because their attitudes had been neutralised whereas regionalism is still a very strong concet in Pakistan for hundreds of other reasons. A punjabi Canadian girl/boy may marry a baloch and it won't be seen as a massive problem because at the end of the day they would both still live in Canada and pretty much follow the same neutralised culture; but a non baloch marrying a baloch and then moving on to live in Quetta is a completely different ball game, in other words a massive culture shock.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
My mom is from Bahawalpur...
is your mother tongue punjabi or saraiki?as BWP is a majorly saraiki speaking area.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
Meh, this isn't specific to Punjabis. I live in a city with a huge Memon and Karachi population...in the States. I have loads of very very good friends that are Urdu-speaking...and they ALL would prefer marriage into another Urdu-speaking family. It's all about comfort...we're all more comfortable around/with people who are more like ourselves. It applies to the majority.
She's right.
Everyone I know wants to marry into their own "kind". Its a matter of comfort and its not limited to Punjabis. Urdu speaking kuch kam nahin hote hein is mamlay mein. They have so many stereotypes against Punjabis its crazy.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
We are Punjabi and my parents have the same view they have a strong preference for Punjabi's when it comes to rishta considerations, I feel this is due to familiarity more than anything else. I grew up in the West in a dominately Punjabi community with little exposure to Urdu speaking culture so I can't really comment on differences. But I also feel that no two households are alike. Even the household environment of Punjabi families do not mirror each other, there are family culture differences even within the same ethnic background.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
Wow I can't believe how everyone is saying that there are so many differences between Urdu speaking and Punjabi people and therefore it is understandable that people want "their own kind". I understand there may be differences for those that live in Pakistan but I'm talking about the families living in Canada (or the West). I have been living with my in-laws for 3.5 years and I have never felt any differences in culture which is why her preference for Punjabi families seems trivial to me. I have never had any problems "adjusting to Punjabi culture" I mean what is Punjabi culture anyway? I have NO flippin clue!
Both our families are liberal Pakistani's living in the west....we have the same outlook on most things in life. If I felt any difference between me and my husband it was simply a difference in personality/choice but it never had ANYTHING to do with whether he was Punjabi or not.
I feel as though everyone only sees the differences but we are all still Pakistanis so we do have many similarities as well ! Gosh!
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
^ candy, I don't think anyone is trying to say its right or wrong. It is what it is. Some people have preferences because of their own family system. Your inlaws are different and seem like very nice people BUT that's not the case everywhere is it? It takes all kinds to make the world go round. So many families do not like Punjabis or Urdu speaking because they feel their lifestyles are completely different and in some places that's actually true.
Technically, we're all Pakistanis and I wholeheartedly agree with that. I also was born and bred in the West so a lot of it makes no sense to me either. However, if a certain family is so set in their ways that an "outsider" will have a very difficult time adjusting or vice versa...then its best sometimes to stick with your own.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
there are subtle differences in the culture......traditions in punjab are not the same as those found in predominantly urdu-speaking areas.
you don't have to look far.....consider the differences in rituals/traditions related to weddings. you will see that punjabi and urdu speaking families have differences.
or how about the differences in food......some foods are typically punjabi dishes while others are not found in that region.
as Reha says, nobody is suggesting that either is right/wrong or good/bad....just that there are differences and preferences.
my take is that the newer generation doesn't particularly care because they feel that they have their own "culture"..... perhaps a "global culture" as opposed to a regional one.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
it just makes life a lot simpler I guess. Yes if two people from different ethnic backgrounds do want to get married I do not see any harm in it, but even I personally would like to get married to a Gujarati.
I guess Indian have it a lot tougher since we are so diverse. The food and languages are completely different from each state. So it makes a lot of sense to stick to your own kind where you do have pick up a whole new language or food habits.
My friend's SIL is a Punjabi married to a Bengali. Now after close to 10 years she speaks fluent Bengali and cooks all the Bengali dishes, all the prayers and rituals are done according to Bengali ways. Not that it was not forced on to her, but living in a Bengali household for such a long time , the culture just eventually creeped on to her and theirs was a love marriage with no drama. So now she is more Bengali than Punjabi.
However I would not be comfortable doing that. Even if I were to get married to a person of different ethnicity or religion, I would never give up my religion or culture. I would like to teach the same to my kids, the food , the religion , the culture.
So maybe parents prefer marrying their kids into the same sect, so as to preserve the culture that their kids were born with.
Another couple I know the girl is a Hindu Sindhi vegetarian and the boy is Telegu speaking christian non vegetarian They both follow each other's cultures. The MIL cooks veg dishes for the DIL. Now that they have a daughter the MIL makes sure the granddaughter also eats only veg food since the mom wishes it. So they are such a beautiful example of harmony. They all are very respectful of each others wishes. Very Sooraj Barjatiya family :)
In fact I know a lot of inter-caste/ inter religion marriage couples here in Bahrain.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
is your mother tongue punjabi or saraiki?as BWP is a majorly saraiki speaking area.
Yes you're right..she moved to Lahore in her teen years so she basically lost saraiki dialect. However...we speak Urdu at home..
^ oh, i see , btw can u speak a little bit of saraiki , must have heard it from ur maternal side :)
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
other way around here! my family is urdu speaking and no one has married outside, and punjabis are a no-no to get married to! my mum is pretty particular abt that.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
^ oh, i see , btw can u speak a little bit of saraiki , must have heard it from ur maternal side :)
My maternal side..yes i did come across my nani..she spoke fluent saraiki. But my none of my khala or mamoo speak saraiki for sure. They speak punjabi or Urdu.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
I come from an urdu speaking family and my husband's family is Punjabi. We had a love marriage which is how he ended up marrying a girl from an urdu speaking family. If he had not found a girl on his own, and his parents had to find him someone I can 100% guarantee they would have only looked at Punjabi girls.
Now keep in mind that my husband and I are both born and raised in Canada so this whole Urdu - Punjabi business means nothing to us. I mean we are both Pakistani so what does it matter and on top of that his family speaks and understands urdu very well.
My hubby has a huge family on both his mom and dad's side and I realized after looking at ALL the people that have married into his family that I am the ONLY urdu speaking person that has ever married into his khandan.
Now please don't get the wrong idea here, his mother is very accepting of me and we have a good relationship. She has a good relationship with my family as well. But I know if she had picked the girl herself it would have been Punjabi.
She is now looking for a guy for her daughter (my SIL) who like us, speaks mainly English and hardly speaks urdu let alone Punjabi. She can't even say one word in Punjabi although she understands it. Finding a guy for her has not been easy as there have not been many leads. There is a person she knows who is kind of a match-maker type thing and she told this person she has a "preference for Punjabi families."
I have seen this over and over again with Punjabi people. Why do they only prefer their own kind? Is there THAT much of a difference between urdu and Punjabi families? My mom says "mahol ka difference hotha hai and its a comfort level thing" - I honestly don't think its THAT big a deal.
I would like to here from some Punjabis out there. Please help me understand.
My dad is a Punjabi from Jhelum while my mum is from Lahore and her family speaks Urdu. I think you're generalising and stereotyping. I can speak 4 languages (English, Urdu, French, Arabic) but that doesn't mean I will want to marry into an Arabic speaking family.
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
^
Ah French… 
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
I think because Punjabiyan dee tour wakrii.Its really funny how today I & mommy were talking on the phone about family's friends daughters hubbies.I asked: Larkay Achay hain?
She replied: Bahoot achay hain, Izzat kernay walay hian per punjbai larkoun keee tarha lambay choray, baray baray pait walay nahi hain, bahoot slim fit hain, Umer-choor hain, You cant tell they are married and father of a child.HAhahahaaaaaaaaaa
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
hoor sanu koi mounh he nahi liganda . . . hahahahahahahahaha :D
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
It ain't about ethnicity , it is all about state of mind
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
cuz we are simply the best! lol....
Re: Why do the majority of Punjabi people have a preference for marrying Punjabis?
hoor sanu koi mounh he nahi liganda . . . hahahahahahahahaha :D
oye eh galan sariyan nu nayi dasan alian! lol...