RV aunty, i wasn't really addressing your post, i was commenting on the thread opener's post. But now that you have decided to reply to my post, let me just say this. Life is not always a bed of roses. Sometimes you have to accept what you have. And instead of living in the past, or the what ifs, for the sake of family, for the sake of your own sanity, one has to accept what fate's given to them, because we are not as insightful as Him to understand what He has planned for us. As long as the other spouse isn't abusive, as long as he/she doesn't create dramas, what is wrong with living with them and then eventually figuring them out and in the end, yes, falling in love with them? I don't exactly know where you're coming up with teh divorced situation or whatever, since clearly I never brought it up. Again, I wil reiterate, I am talking solely about the good spouses. Divorce isn't a solution when there is nothing wrong with the spouse except for the fact that he/she wasn't of your choosing. The reasons for a divorce are a whole different topic on the other hand.
Is that clear enough for ya or should i bold, *italicize *and add unnecessary long ellipses and color coordinate my post, oh wise resident therapist of Life 1? =)
Khumar Dadi,
Aap ko bold/italacize/color karna main koi pabandi to nahin hai. And I didn't said that people should NEVER accept their fate. Nor did i say that life was a bed of roses. Needless to say, it isn't.
I implied in my post that one has to have a BALANCE. Should I color, bold, or italicize this concept? Our religion emphasizes staying in the middle ground as opposed to veering off on one extreme or the other. Believing that everything that has happened is a result of "fate" without making the effort to move your own hands and feet is not right either. You make the effort to do what is good for you........and then you accept what is in your fate.
As far as marriage is concerned, yes, divorce is the last resort. You have the obligation to make it work. No man or woman is perfect....and one can tolerate a few flaws and try to concentrate on the many positive aspects of the individual. In my example, I was talking about extreme situations where maybe the spouse has been given multiple chances and the ZULM is overwhelming........and if a woman has the ability to support herself independently, she can make the effort to get out of the situation. To commit zulm and to tolerate zulm are BOTH wrong situations. If you have the ability to do something.......then do it! When you've given the situation YOUR BEST EFFORT.......and things are only getting worse.........and there's a way out...........use it.....as opposed to resigning yourself to "fate." Allah HAS ALSO given us FREE WILL and REASON/AQAL/INTELLECT to help ourselves. I was using marriage/divorce as a general example......not in reference to your post.
Can you imagine if Prophet Ibrahim had said......**"Oh I was born in a family that worships many gods.......so therefore it is my KISMAT to follow the wrong beliefs of my forefathers because it runs in my blood. If i was born into this fate, I should accept it." **But he didn't do that. He used his intellect and started questioning things.......he tried to guide his people......and his actions helped to make his kismat different from his ancestors.
The Prophet SAWS had said in a hadith that** "Tie your camel first and then put your trust in Allah." **What this means is that although the fate of the camel will ultimately be decided by Allah....................you have the responsibility of taking the necessary precautions to to ensure your own safety and success. Even dua requires action.
Once again, I'm not advocating that we NEVER accept fate. IF something has happened to you that is BEYOND your control that you know you can't change.......accept your fate, and count your blessings. However......in situations where you do have the ability to help yourself.........then do so. It's all about balance. Free will.....and fate.
And lastly......my sincere apologies.......I had assumed that you were addressing my post when you mentioned the "qaseedas" and I had found it offensive. It was a misunderstanding on my part. I'm neither a therapist (life might be easy if I were)....nor am I wise. So, let's move past this :)
what can I say !
to b honest he’s not a very good looking guy or rich but he’s extremely caring and loving person,respects my family, and my inlaws are very loving too alhamdulilah:)