it’s like they’re all about their hubbys n stuff. it’s wierd cuz the ppl u’ve been raised with u’ve spent all ur life with are not that important n the one u juz got to know (hubby) is like everything.
I know that’s how it’s supposed to be, but wut bout the friends u’ve had for a long time? all of a sudden they bcome not so important n.e. more
like my cousin in pak, bfore she was engaged it wus all bout us cousins hangin around being goofy..n den us single girls b actin dumb n she’d b buzy talkin to her fiance n then after marriage when she’d b over she’d b in the room with him or everywhere else too.. i mean c’mon wuld it hurt to hang out with us without him n juz act goofy?
and now my friend juz got married…eventhough we’re not as close as we used to. but still i have a feeling she’ll b more busy then she used to b before. i guess it just makes me angry that things have to change
im just one of those ppl who’s like sensitive beyond imagination. every little thing affects me so much to an extent that it ends up hurting me so much. it’s just so hard for me to get used to all this new stuff, the changes. hurt alot
from all this i’ve just been a different person myself now. i can’t seem to trust anyone thinking that they’ll change and leave me. and the friendships that i do have, im not comfortable or close with anyone n.e. more. i feel like everyone’s the same, sweet from outside but bitter inside. sigh i don’t know, i guess it’s just part of growing up.
But i gaurantee u, nothing is the same anymore. not with friends, not with life, not with relatives and not with the good old times that i used to have before. it feels like this whole world and the time has betrayed me, changed so much and all that has just hurt me alot.
I am so glad someone else notices this, too:teary1: One of my closest friends was married last year. When a small argument came up about something that my friend used to feel strongly about - she completely backed down and simply said whatever her hubby believed! I know she honors him, but it hurt me!
Not only that, she seems much different in other ways. We sometimes feel tension between us, and it makes me sad
I think there's nothing wrong with being considerate of and spending time with your spouse. As long as the woman wants to and also maintains her own personality, I wish her well.
Of course she will change. It would be weird if she stayed the same! And she has additional responsibilities. Don't take it personally.
Maybe try to have some girls night out type of events.
well.. i never notice this untill this summer.. my cousin came ova.. for 3 days.. she was on the phone for at 8 hours with her husband..everyday... omg.. its suppose to be about US... which annoyed me... i felt she wasnt with us.. she alwayz fikrin about him and her saas.. i mean its all kool.. but dinner kay beech mein.. soonay sey phley.. rah waqat.. man..i got annoyed.. den.. we decide that she married and out of our group.. so now we dont inculde her in our plans..
mahnoor ur talking about a maheena? i saw the changes in 2-3 days. kasam se my cousin would be with him or either aunties. it was like no time for us teen cousins :(. it sucked cuz bfore her wedding was our chachu’s wedding n in that too she was like with her nanand and totally forgot who we were *sniff
man if this is what gettin married is all about…im definetly not going for it :nono3:
anahndi dude totally, i swear the girl who got married is ma best friend, we were like sisters. n i talked to her today n i felt soooooooooooo strange kasam se, din’t even feel that comfort that i used to have wid her. she juz came across as a totally changed person
for sum reasons we had grown apart bfore n i thought we culd forget those differences n manage it sumhow..but now i feel as if nothing will be the same n.e. more…it’s all so different
Sahar i understand that they are trying to know eachother better and stuff but how would u feel when all of a sudden the marriage just changes everything, they’re always spending time with hubby n everything else. wut bout us? the ppl whom u’ve known for a long time n grew up with. i guess it’ll take time
naw i don’t think they’d even have time for the night out, they’d prolly miss their hubbies n stuff sigh
DC yea man, they act as if we don’t even exist
M yea i guess so…hmm it’s juz wierd though..all these changes r just so sudden…wuzn’t expectin all this y’kno
if its any consolation my friend didnt change a bit, she kept her views but i noticed whenever she talked about her husband she would go all emotional - she really loves him
poor baby, i know what you mean, but spending time with your husband and changing your views are two seperate issues
i was planning on going to PK this year and i had planned on spending LOTS of girly time with my cousins
you know staying up all night, watching corny films, the occasion disney classic, tear-jerkers in a room full of junk food, nice hot kebabs yummy ice-creams, gateuxs and ice cold drinks to finish
but now its cancelled and my cousin is pretty well kind of angry that she had planned every second down and she wont be able to do anything, i tried to make her understand but its not much good
well I think having more responsibilties and not enough time to hang out any more is a totally different thing then a sudden change in personality and acting all 'mature'
I can't stand it how people who used to be a lot of fun suddenly turn into complete bores once they are married. I know a few guys who suddenly started thinking they were all mature and sensible just cause they got engaged!?
This one guy in particular suddenly started giving me unwanted advice on all sorts of stuff and acting like he knew everything...
and it's not like he thought of what he was saying he was just repeating all sorts of ridiculous crap I imagine some uncle must have been telling him!?
I finally had to tell him ...look you're an idiot. I've known you my whole life and you're still the same jackass you were 2 days ago. lol
I think in general I think desi's think they suddenly gotta be all 'mature and sensible' once they are 'grown up'.. which for a lot of them is around 25.
i agree with sahar, the female should change her habits a bit, i mean she does have another relationship to take care of which is a lot more fragile than a friendship
on the other hand, i dont agree with people totally disregarding their friends (close friends). My friend did that to me, and now we dont even talk
Of course I understand the new relationship takes time and responsibilities come with a household to care for and such. This issue had bothered me today - got me thinking about how close my friend and I were. But, I talked with one of my aunties and she made me feel much better!
She told me that it was similar between her and her closest friend…until she herself got married. She told me that even though it was a couple of years later, once they were both married and had similar situations again - the friendship grew close again. That me feel so much better. She also scolded me for not considering how difficult it may be for my friend as well. Like she may feel left alone, too. Soooo, I hope this is true for our friendship. Now if I can just find the right man. . . hehe;)
LOL ... they got married and obviously now they should be sticking to the one person rather than hanging around with the same old buddies.. nahin??
come on people be realistic.. well, I used to be jealous of my bro-in-law because I wasn't the center of attention anymore for my sis.. I gave up, its her life and she gotta spent rest of her life with him so I should take the things the way they are, why bother crying?
change is natural, you should take it and be prepared to leave your friends once you are married. You will luv the change and let your friends whine over it. :-)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by anahndi: *
She told me that it was similar between her and her closest friend...until she herself got married. She told me that even though it was a couple of years later, once they were both married and had similar situations again - the friendship grew close again.
[/QUOTE]
I think your aunty was right.
After people settle into their marriages and get over the honeymoon period, they settle back somewhat and get back close to their freinds and relatives.
I think you should be happy for your friends, knowing they have a good start to their marriage (which is hard at the best of times) and want to be with their spouses.
people change after gettin married.. u can not avoid that.. u will change to… thats when their priorities change in life.. ur life no longer revolves around ur friends or siblings … new person take their place obviously… it cant b the same as before … ..
khayr my observation is differnt.. its like once u r married.. the un married group of the family kinda outcast you… like u r not one of them any more… n they start treating you like a grown up.. which is weird.. cus one month you are one of them.. n the other .. u r just standing outside their circle trying to look for the space to get in and you can not … so its both ways in sum cases…u should understand their perception too
or is it just my wierd self thinking that?
herr cant think of the word right now herr
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