Re: Why do inlaws change?
Its how it will always be. I think women are very territorial and feel strange when a new woman enters their brother/son/'s life. He is only human and will give most of his attention to his new wife after marriage. Even though its understood this will happen...no one knows what its like until it actually happens. Sometimes its the guy that needs to tell both parties to cool it. Sometimes its the new wife that needs to take into account that he DOES have prior responsibilities and family that didn't just disappear once he said I Do. And sometimes its the family that needs to give the new couple space to bond and become a couple.
Either way...its not going to go anywhere unless we ladies undergo some sort of DNA mutation that helps us become more sympathetic as well as empathetic.
I totally agree with u about the "wifes need to accept" and i do believe that this is also a huge issue in our culture... The poor guy is pulled on each side possible..
Desi women in general (yes it's a generalization, I'm sure some of you are purfect gems) are often ***'es to each other.
This isn't just MIL-DIL drama. Was talking to a girl who moved here from Pakistan and I asked why she chose not to work in Pakistan, and she said she preferred waiting to get here, because over there the kind of catty behavior from girls makes it professionally difficult to work at times.
The stories she told me of college/grad girls being mean to each other and their dirty underhanded tricks...oh my LORD, tauba.
It's gonna require a total cultural overhall to change Pakistanis. In almost every way of life.
(Do I sound bitter and angry? It's cuz I am. Wish I was Indian at times).
Why would u?... i mean our culture isn't perfect but i mean really indian?... They will burned the wifes together with the hubbies if he died... they make u wear white if one gets a widow... and the bigest drama's of saas bahu r in the indian culture... (jehez... money...gold issues) i mean seriously would u really wanna be an indian?
How do you act when you 1st meet someone? Whether it's a new co-workers, or a potential friend.....aren't you on you "best behavior" in the very beginning? Do you not go out of your way to make sure they don't think you're rude/annoying/weird etc? Then....as time goes by and you become more comfortable......you let your guards down and they see a different side to you. They see you when you're angry, frustrated, annoyed, sad etc.
In my opinion, its the same with in-laws. In the beginning all the polite formalities are observed.....but as time goes by, slowly their "guard" goes away and their true personalities come out.
Agreed paheli.. my mum always says key logoon key ander reh kar un ki asliyat pata chalti hey.. it is a shame that things get out of hand that much..
But i mean the MILS and SILS really change into somethin out of space sometimes after the marriage :|
(even if they are married and have kids of them selfs)…