Despite the fact that almost everyone agrees that when parents are old its the daughters that take care of them and not the sons. I have seen hundreds of old people in hospitals that are left and no one cares bout them. There are bout 10% aho are taken care of, and of these 10% , 95% the caregiver is a daughter. So this idea that sons will help when one is old, does not hold true and everyone knows that.
So why then prefer son?
I feel that the reason is that parents are afraid of the future of their daughters, i mean the uncertainty of giving up their own flesh and blood to someone else and not knowing how will others treat them.
Perhaps some people think that their daughters are an extra burden since tehy are not going to provide for them anyways. Ever since I was a kid, my Ammi would say "betioun kay honay say darr nahi lagta, unki kismatoun say lagta hai". To translate for the non urdu speakers, it means that parents arent afraid of having daughters but its actually their fates that they are afraid of.
And i agree this is the mentality in a lot of families that once the daughters are married off, you dont have a say in how teh husband and his family treats her.
Basically, it all depends upon how you raised your children, son or daughter. Daughters are no doubt one day going to get married and who knows where their naseeb would take them. Sons are considered to stay with mom and dad through out their life. Which might necesserily be true.
This is one of the typical desi mentality, other than wishing for the son who would take care of the parents in their old age, there is another concept of inheritance blah blah.
One of my own friends while she was expecting I asked her, do you want a daughter or a son. Her reply was, 'son because there is no one in my husband's family who could inherit the jaidaad." and she isnt un-educated and from a village. She's an MBA.
The amazing part is that the same women when she was a child hated the fact her mother prefered her brother over her-and she will most likely repeat the history again.
It bothers me women get the blame if child is a boy or a girl.
Then we get to hera Khandan to Mardo se chalta hai. Okay theek hai then how come people out there call themselves Syed. When Prophet PBUH had no son.
All freakin hypocrites!
I know so many girls who take care of their parents. A close friend of mine took care of her mother while she had a cancer. That girl stood by her mother throughout every single therapy. It was amazing the way she did it.
My cousin took care of her parents as well. She stood by her dad's dead bed for days and months...
Ma parents never thought like that.. 2 them.. boyz n galz r equel.. They dont c a reason y they should prefer boyz..
Especially in pakistan.. people still think like that.. ma cousin has 3 beautiful girlz.. but when the third one was born.. muhalley wale saare afsoos karne aaye the.. they also thought somethin was wrong wid ma cousin.. I mean.. How sick is that..that made me soooo angry.. I juz cant believe that people still think like that..
Actually most of um wants their first born to be a male and then they dont care. I guess becoz if sumthin happens to the guardian of the family. He (being male) can protect them.
I believe it's because of economic reasons. Son's "supposedly" keep the money w/in the family. Whereas daughters take it with them after they are married. Desi's view having a son as nothing more then a great investment. This is the only reason they prefer having a son.
For some (most) it’s the $$. Sons traditionally bring in the money, they are the ones working and will not have to make a dowry when they get married. If you ask me its fking pathetic to think that way but watever. I’ve heard it countless times, “betay ke paisay khana bohot maza ata hai”
After seeing what a loser and jerk my bro is, my parents agree that daughters care more. My brother may have paid the bills and given her play money, but I saw how much my mom cried when she saw the grls he was only friends with (thats why they were in bed) and the beer (that his friends drink) and weed, and I tried to console her but coming up emptyhanded as she cried that her aulaad was fked up. My cousin, after marrying and having two kids of her own and supposedly has fisftfights with her husband, still calls everyday to ask if her dad got home safe, if her brother who says men have every rite to beat their wives is home studying instead of out ****ing his girlfriends..
** And then there are some sons who do genuinely care for their parents, but they are away working or studying, and the daughter or DIL is there to emotionally care for them. **My khala was thrown out of her in laws home after her husband died, and not too long after coming home, her mother got sick, so now she’s caring for her, taking her to the bathroom, bathing her, feeding her, giving her shots. Her bhabhi has three kids to take care of and is pregnant as well, sh does enough housework, and her brother is working his ass off to pay for everything.
And who says parents dont have a say in how the inlaws treat thier daughter? If my daughter was being abused or treated like **** by her “family” i’d damn well go over there and give em a piece of my mind. If the daughter ends up committing suicide or is killed by the family, both families should burn in hell (here or there) because of their fking “izzat” Beti ki kismat se dar te hain, what about betay ki kismat?
Everyone on the planet has a personal preference when thinking about having babies. I always wanted just girls because I didnt think I'd be able to figure out how to handle boys. But I had three boys (count em three!) and I'd never wish to have it any other way, they are SUCH a delight. I'm actually now thinking that I wouldnt know how to handle a girl! So you never know and you're just so blessed when you have a baby - be it boy OR girl, be it what you wished for or not, it is just such a blessing to HAVE a baby. So dont worry about this thing, just pray for a healthy little one and be so happy when and if you are so blessed to have one!
strawberries, that is very sad to hear, the stories taht you have related. I am sorry for your mom.
Sara516: wait till your brother becomes a dad. I am positive he will do a total turn around and start realising how your mother feels abt him and hopefully be more caring. Now i hope he has a girl :p
Like MamaOf3 said, in the end it shouldnt matter if you have boys or girls. Just having kids is such a great blessing.
The Prophet’s :saw: clan was Hashemi, which is a branch of the Quresh tribe, the reason that the descendents of the Prophet :saw: are from the same clan and tribe as the Prophet himself is because his daughter :as: was married to Ali :as: who was the Prophet’s :saw: paternal cousin and so he was of the same tribe and clan as the Prophet :saw: and therefore so were his descendents.
having a preference as you mentioned above it one thing....but there are some that actually hate wanting a daughter and some cultures even kill their daughters when they are born. I dought that you were upset upon the arrival of your first born son even though you wanted daughters. thats the differenct b/w a an educated person and an uneducated person.
The reason desis prefer sons over daughters is simply because of economics. Traditionally, the son would stay in the family home, even after being married. He would financially take care of his parents when they got old and when the parents died, the bulk of the inheritance went to the sons. Basically, a son was a type of social security.
A daughter, which most people agree are more loving and more likely to actually care for their parents, were considered a burden because of the cost of their jahez (think about the cost of the wedding, all the gold, furniture, appliances, electronics that many dulhans are expected to bring), and the izzat factor. One wrong step, one wrong look, and she could be branded "badmash," thereby eliminating her chances for a decent marriage.
I mean.. How sick is that..that made me soooo angry..
I juz cant believe that people still think like that..
him..!