Almost every thread in this forum is about a suffering, Daughter in Law at the hands of Mother in Law (Women) or Mother In Law and Sister in Law…
Re: Why are women so cruel...
a woman is a womans worst enemy
Re: Why are women so cruel...
I though kamwali was woman's worst enemy?
Re: Why are women so cruel...
Because Daughter in Law never learns the lesson and repeats the same mistakes when she becomes Mother in Law.... new characters, same story!!!
Re: Why are women so cruel...
No seriously, what's the problem? I know that toxic in-laws exist in every culture/race....and of course western culture doesn't have to contend with the joint family system....but with Asians, it's like an epidemic.....so much so that every other drama is about this very subject. Art imitates life, right? Yesterday I was wondering if the women recognize their own mistakes while watching their favorite morning, afternoon and nightly soaps, lol.
Is it lack of education? Maybe to an extent. However, you'll find this problem even among the educated. Is it because some women seek their identity/self-worth in men ( their sons/husbands)...or children/marriage in general....and become insecure with the division of time/shift in priorities that come with a marriage? Low self-esteem/insecurity transcend class and education.
I think that lack of iman has a lot to do with it the problem. Your rituals...namaz/roza/etc are a part of it...but the essence of iman (IMO) is how you treat others....and we all forget that sometimes....some more than others. I've noticed that we start jumping to negative conclusions before a marriage even begins with comments like..."bari taiz lagti hai"....the tiniest of things is viewed as "taiz/underhanded/shrewd"......even something done or not done simply out of forgetfulness/oversight/inexperience/unawareness/difference in family traditions/practice.....is viewed as "deliberate"....or as "cunning." We struggle with giving others the benefit of the doubt and letting some things slide.......including myself. We follow culture more than religion and common sense/ ethics....we adhere to deep-rooted beliefs/practices that diminish the value/worth of a woman....and this can create dysfunctional families as result.
Re: Why are women so cruel...
sab apni khunnas nikaaltee rehtee hain ek doosray per, its an endless loop :D
Re: Why are women so cruel...
No seriously, what's the problem? I know that toxic in-laws exist in every culture/race....and of course western culture doesn't have to contend with the joint family system....but with Asians, it's like an epidemic.....so much so that every other drama is about this very subject. Art imitates life, right? Yesterday I was wondering if the women recognize their own mistakes while watching their favorite morning, afternoon and nightly soaps, lol.
Is it lack of education? Maybe to an extent. However, you'll find this problem even among the educated. Is it because some women seek their identity/self-worth in men ( their sons/husbands)...or children/marriage in general....and become insecure with the division of time/shift in priorities that come with a marriage? Low self-esteem/insecurity transcend class and education.
I think that lack of iman has a lot to do with it the problem. Your rituals...namaz/roza/etc are a part of it...but the essence of iman (IMO) is how you treat others....and we all forget that sometimes....some more than others. I've noticed that we start jumping to negative conclusions before a marriage even begins with comments like..."bari taiz lagti hai"....the tiniest of things is viewed as "taiz/underhanded/shrewd"......even something done or not done simply out of forgetfulness/oversight/inexperience/unawareness/difference in family traditions/practice.....is viewed as "deliberate"....or as "cunning." We struggle with giving others the benefit of the doubt and letting some things slide.......including myself. We follow culture more than religion and common sense/ ethics....we adhere to deep-rooted beliefs/practices that diminish the value/worth of a woman....and this can create dysfunctional families as result.
I think it also has to do with the fact that the MILS get scared of a new female entrance... They have a silent sirene in their had that starts coming out loud as soon as they get their son married. Un ko dar laga rehta hey key kahiin bahu un ki jagah na le ley, ya bahu ko zyada ehmiat na dii jaye.
It has nothing to do with education or educated fams, it's something that's always in the nature of a female (not all of them) ... i also know a lot of nice MILS who can do anything for their DILS and doing it....others are scared to loose territory to the new generation so act like a wicked witch :)
Re: Why are women so cruel...
No seriously, what's the problem? I know that toxic in-laws exist in every culture/race....and of course western culture doesn't have to contend with the joint family system....but with Asians, it's like an epidemic.....so much so that every other drama is about this very subject. Art imitates life, right? Yesterday I was wondering if the women recognize their own mistakes while watching their favorite morning, afternoon and nightly soaps, lol.
I don't think so. The media shows a lot wrong. I have seen a lot many good MIL-DIL cases in my family and around. With a very very few exceptions.
Re: Why are women so cruel...
My mother served my daadi so much that I remember my daadi crying and raising her hands and praying for my mother. And even now, after 20 Yrs of my Daadi's death, my abbu and all his siblings praise my ammi for her relationship with daadi and respect her for this.
Re: Why are women so cruel...
I think that lack of iman has a lot to do with it the problem. Your rituals...namaz/roza/etc are a part of it...but the essence of iman (IMO) is how you treat others....and we all forget that sometimes....some more than others. I've noticed that we start jumping to negative conclusions before a marriage even begins with comments like..."bari taiz lagti hai"....the tiniest of things is viewed as "taiz/underhanded/shrewd"......even something done or not done simply out of forgetfulness/oversight/inexperience/unawareness/difference in family traditions/practice.....is viewed as "deliberate"....or as "cunning." We struggle with giving others the benefit of the doubt and letting some things slide.......including myself. We follow culture more than religion and common sense/ ethics....we adhere to deep-rooted beliefs/practices that diminish the value/worth of a woman....and this can create dysfunctional families as result.
You said it perfectly. We'll never really be able understand in my opinion WHY woman especially in our culture behave the way they do. I think a part of it also has a lot to do with this never ending cycle, of woman staying at home more often than the men and having more time to devote to what so and so is doing now. We expect more than what we are willing to give, IMO. But you are absolutely right when you mention iman. Roza and namaz become a lost cause in my mind when the second you walk off the janamaz, pick up the phone and start gossiping about someone else's daughter, mother, bahu, sister etc...
Re: Why are women so cruel...
My mother served my daadi so much that I remember my daadi crying and raising her hands and praying for my mother. And even now, after 20 Yrs of my Daadi's death, my abbu and all his siblings praise my ammi for her relationship with daadi and respect her for this.
same here my daadi was also very happy with my mother, she used to kiss our hands whenever we went to meet her and prayed for our mother.
and she shared everything with my mother though she had other four daughters in law.
Re: Why are women so cruel...
No seriously, what's the problem? I know that toxic in-laws exist in every culture/race....and of course western culture doesn't have to contend with the joint family system....but with Asians, it's like an epidemic.....so much so that every other drama is about this very subject. Art imitates life, right? Yesterday I was wondering if the women recognize their own mistakes while watching their favorite morning, afternoon and nightly soaps, lol.
Is it lack of education? Maybe to an extent. However, you'll find this problem even among the educated. Is it because some women seek their identity/self-worth in men ( their sons/husbands)...or children/marriage in general....and become insecure with the division of time/shift in priorities that come with a marriage? Low self-esteem/insecurity transcend class and education.
I think that lack of iman has a lot to do with it the problem. Your rituals...namaz/roza/etc are a part of it...but the essence of iman (IMO) is how you treat others....and we all forget that sometimes....some more than others. I've noticed that we start jumping to negative conclusions before a marriage even begins with comments like..."bari taiz lagti hai"....the tiniest of things is viewed as "taiz/underhanded/shrewd"......even something done or not done simply out of forgetfulness/oversight/inexperience/unawareness/difference in family traditions/practice.....is viewed as "deliberate"....or as "cunning." We struggle with giving others the benefit of the doubt and letting some things slide.......including myself. We follow culture more than religion and common sense/ ethics....we adhere to deep-rooted beliefs/practices that diminish the value/worth of a woman....and this can create dysfunctional families as result.
You said it perfectly! We seriously need to re-evaluate how we teach young women to think of their own worth in Pakistan/india. Isn't it true that usually the lead character in dramas/movies is the college girl with the most boys after her with absolutely no emphasis on her character or grades or career aspirations. Mothers in pakistan lecture off to their young daughters about how they need to improve their dressing/socializing/grades/whatever because their phuphi's daughter got six rishta proposals last month and you only got 2.
Unfortunately, the recent trend in pakistani women having greater career aspirations or going for higher studies is NOT because the ability to work and provide for yourself is considered valuable but simply because its a status-symbol and well-educated or working women are now more desirable to guys and rishta wali aunties.
At least thats my perception.