Call it curiosity or whatever you wanna call it… we all do it… though most of us won’t admitt it.
We all want to know who wore what on their wedding, we want to know whos getting married, who’s pregnant, whos working where, whos having an affair, ETC.
A lot of people say only women gossip… But I have see men begging for the juciy details as well.
As read in other threads many people want this information so that they can compete, and people compete because they are insecure. Isn’t there such thing as healthy competition?
HUman nature to be curious....but if you can't curb it and have no regard for tact........THEN it becomes more than just human nature......at that point it becomes a social problem that you have.
For women...since many of us have an interest in fashion.....we're interested in what clothes the bride wore. We may get ideas from that. And since the bride and groom are the stars of a wedding....everyone is interested in knowing what they look like.
Sometimes you may want to know things about a person to find out if you'd be compatible with them. For example, a woman with kids might want to know if another woman has children because she feels that gives them something to connect over.
It also depends upon culture. What's considered rude in one culture is not considered so in another. And I think "culture" is a good reference point to keep in mind when dealing with others. If you're a minority and dealing with someone who belongs to the dominant culture........then it's good to have an idea about socially acceptable etiquette in that dominant culture......otherwise it can lead to communication problems and misunderstandings.
I think that there are general rules about what is considered a nosy question. And of course, depending on the situations, some of these questions would be allowed. But I think that genereally...........a lot of questions dealing with numbers/ranks (such as how much money you make, weight, age, grades, test scores) are considered confidential. Questions regarding intimate details in relationships are also personal.
Also depends upon who is asking the question...and how close you are to the asker.
A couple of months ago we were invited to a wedding of a family friend, I was unable to attend the wedding due to a prior commitment. I saw pictures of the wedding, and asked a mutual friend a question regarding the bride's outfits, as I am trying to get ideas for my own wedding. The mutual friend said calm down... you are all up in her wedding. I just laughed it off.
... By this I meant no harm, I wasn't even trying to compete, I was just observing the Pakistani-American bridal trends in the Metropolitan area.
I agree there is a point of being curious as it is in our nature and I was asking questions in a calm and collective manner with no alterior motive, but many times people will perceive this as brown-nosing, and "being up to no good".
So why we are curious right? Why do others have a problem with curiosity when they want to know just as much about others?
ummm… I’m the opposite of nosy, so much so that poeple get offended saying I’m snobbish … its just that I seriously don’t care about where you got your awesome jora or shoes from, I do recognize that its nice but I probably can’t afford it so whats the use of asking :p.
All that I say is nice dress, never ask where did you get it from and they think I’m being sarcastic or something
I ALWAYS ask where someone got something from. The other day I went to a salon and I LOVED the pictures they had on the walls, so I asked where they were bought from....
Why do others have a problem with curiosity when they want to know just as much about others?
It becomes a problem when YOU personally DON'T want to know as much as OTHERS want to know about YOU.
For example, I don't care to know about how much money a friend or relative makes. Such information doesn't affect my life. Since I KNOW that I personally wouldn't ask them such a question to their face....it would bother me if they asked ME this question. The reason it becomes an issue is because there's a conflict of opinion.
Now, if I WAS interested in how much others make and don't consider the question to be a offensive............then I probably wouldn't mind if someone asked me the same question.
How we react to others (staying calm or getting upset) depends upon our own opinions about the quetion.
Call it curiosity or whatever you wanna call it... we all do it... though most of us won't admitt it.
We all want to know who wore what on their wedding, we want to know whos getting married, who's pregnant, whos working where, whos having an affair, ETC.
A lot of people say only women gossip... But I have see men begging for the juciy details as well.
As read in other threads many people want this information so that they can compete, and people compete because they are insecure. Isn't there such thing as healthy competition?
We all can't possibly be insecure... or can we?
Who wore what at a wedding - couldn't care less.
Who's getting married? - Well, if a friend is getting married, it is good news (inshAllah), so sure, a friend would be interested in knowing.
Who's pregnant - Same as with getting married.
Who's working where - Well, it's a normal conversation topic, but hardly something that I (or most people I know) would beg for.
Who's having an affair - never been interested in anything like that.
For those who ask about these things, I don't see how it would be for competition. Except maybe for what someone wears at a wedding but not really among men.
Its basic animal trait that we all carry . Its our inbuilt need to stay informed about people around us , our environment and everything in it . I think its very natural and good , otherwise we'll be living in our little bubble all the time . In more modern societies social capital is a huge issue . So I think being nosy is not as bad as leaving someone totally alone and isolated .
Its basic animal trait that we all carry . Its our inbuilt need to stay informed about people around us , our environment and everything in it . I think its very natural and good , otherwise we'll be living in our little bubble all the time . In more modern societies social capital is a huge issue . So I think being nosy is not as bad as leaving someone totally alone and isolated .
Agreed... so why do people have a problem when you ask questions...
Agreed... so why do people have a problem when you ask questions...
They have a problem because they themselves would never ask YOU the question that You are asking them. Know what I mean?
It's not only confined to nosiness. A lot of times (not always), when we see somebody doing something that we don't believe in/follow/advocate...........we have a "problem" with.
You see a parent whack their kid across the face in a store. If you personally as a parent...don't believe in hitting or public hitting of children.......then you may have a "problem" with that parent's actions..........even though it ain't your kid. On the other hand, if you're the kind of parent that supports public spanking.....you won't see a problem with it.
So your question about "why we have a problem".......the answer to that is that we have a problem when the other person does what we don't personally follow.....even though it can be a trait that's part of human nature.
For example......lying is a part of human nature. We've all told little white lies. But we all differ in our opinions about what you should lie about. If let's say that you personally believe that one should not lie about a particular issue (degree/education)......then you are more likely to have a problem with someone who does that.
And human nature is hypocritical and selfish. For example, you might lie (come up with an excuse) to avoid someone's party.....and think nothing of it. But when you find out that someone else lied to avoid YOUR party.......you may feel betrayed. Sometimes there can be double standards. Unless you're the kind of person who will STOP....calm down......and remind yourself that "Look, I've done the same thing myself...so I lose the right to judge another."
Scenario 1:
Aunty: kitnay bachay hain,
me: ek
aunty: acha doosra nahin hua… doctor ko dikhaya
me: nahin aunty, hum nai khud gap diya hai
aunty: acha, dair mat karo, phir hon gai nahin
Scenario 2:
Aunty: kitnay bachay hain,
me: do (2)
aunty: Bussssss… bachay tau Allah ki dein hain… teesra bhi kar lo jaldi jaldi.
kitnay larkay (and :hinna: depending on boy or girl, they’ll go on about what you don’t have is better, and if you have 1 boy and 1 girl… ) jori zaroori hai, akaylay bachay becharay.
Scenario 3:
Aunty: kitnay bachay hain,
me: 3
aunty: haaye haaye, iss zamanay mein itnay saaray, buss bhi karo tum log.
They have a problem because they themselves would never ask YOU the question that You are asking them. Know what I mean?
It's not only confined to nosiness. A lot of times (not always), when we see somebody doing something that we don't believe in/follow/advocate...........we have a "problem" with.
You see a parent whack their kid across the face in a store. If you personally as a parent...don't believe in hitting or public hitting of children.......then you may have a "problem" with that parent's actions..........even though it ain't your kid. On the other hand, if you're the kind of parent that supports public spanking.....you won't see a problem with it.
So your question about "why we have a problem".......the answer to that is that we have a problem when the other person does what we don't personally follow.....even though it can be a trait that's part of human nature.
For example......lying is a part of human nature. We've all told little white lies. But we all differ in our opinions about what you should lie about. If let's say that you personally believe that one should not lie about a particular issue (degree/education)......then you are more likely to have a problem with someone who does that.
And human nature is hypocritical and selfish. For example, you might lie (come up with an excuse) to avoid someone's party.....and think nothing of it. But when you find out that someone else lied to avoid YOUR party.......you may feel betrayed. Sometimes there can be double standards. Unless you're the kind of person who will STOP....calm down......and remind yourself that "Look, I've done the same thing myself...so I lose the right to judge another."
I think your third example fits the description better. I have no problem with people that keep to themselves. I can definitely understand that they dont request information or provide.
But it's the ones that sit there, and go on and on and on and on about who makes how much money, how much more money their kids make, whos kids are studying to be doctors, who has a richer husband etc etc...
and my goray friends always crying over how bad their family politics is and like no one cares about them and blah blah . All the people and cultures are pretty much same , its just that we don't know about it much . For example saas bahu jhagra , its common among all the cultures and yea they hate each other with a passion . So yea we can't just limit it to Pakistani culture .
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