My friends Younger brother was a trouble maker he did drug’s was always in and out of jail so his father took him back to Pakistan thinking he’d change. while their the mother thought marrying him to her neice would change him so they made a deal he could go back to US if he married his cousin and she could go too. So shortly after the nikah happened he asked someone How do I divorce her I hate her so he ended up divorcing her infront his cousins and he was on the next flight back after the nikah. His mom said no my son was high and listening to everyone else the divorce doesn’t count so they said fine we will atleast bring her to to the USA after the girl came here he still never treated her as his wife, his family meanwhile had to keep her, still are to this day. They hear rumors about her all the time and she says that her husbands doesn’t give her rights so he is the one to blame for all she does My friend said how can her brother be to blame when she isn’t even in his nikah? but the rest of family r on her side because she claims they ruined her life knowing their son wouldn’t keep her, their claim is u knew how he was he was ur 1st cousin & u knew also knew he divorced u shortly after the nikah so quit blaming us go and get married leave us alone. So tell me who gets blamed in the event she decides to mess around with other guys?
Re: Who's to blame?
**the guy who married wasat fault, is at fault and will prolly always be at fault. he was an adult to have consented to marriage and its his religious as well as moral obligation to see that he fulfills his duties as a husband. if he doesn't he must amicably find a settlement and leave her with Husn-e-sulook.
i think men abuse their power of divorce. they must be lashed in public. period!**
Re: Who's to blame?
Seems like there are a lot of people to 'blame'. 1st his dad for thinking that he would change just because he was in a different country (they should have sent him to rehab) 2nd his mom for dragging her neice into the drama. But most of the blame is on the guy himself, sounds like a very sad situation. Can't they just send the girl back home to find another husband she can't be happy with the situation.
Re: Who's to blame?
At the time they got him married he was only 16 years old. So he was a minor who's dad had the passport because of his wife throwing such a fit and then the neice & her mom had done black magic too. (they r known to get it done) They want her to go back she know's they want her out of their lives but why leave a ready made life while u have a life on the side too. I want to know religiously is the talaq done or not?
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I know that my friend's not happy with the situation because it's her brother on one side no matter how he is then her cousin who her mom loves more then her and always side's with, I told her to have her brother just file the divorce paper's and have her cousin sign them done get her out their lives but she say's her mother will not let her go easily i told her let her go with her after a couple of months in Pakistan with her beloved neice with no money the neice will come out with her true colors. they have sent her back 4 times and every time when they call her up and say please get married and live there we want u out of lives she end's up on the next plane back, I told her change the locks but I guess her dad feels sad and quilty and let her live with them.
Re: Who's to blame?
Well if he was only 16 at the time I think his mom and dad are a little more responsible but he is still most to blame. Has he ever given Talaq to her or infront of 2 witnesses? I think you may need to consult a scholar from your own school of thought to be sure. I'm guessing they never consumated the marriage but that isn't Talaq in itself. Send the girl home, just buy a ticket and put her on a plane, consult an imaam/scholar get him to do Talaq infront of some witnesses and send it to her in writing also. Sounds harsh but if he has no intention of been a husband to her it's better he limits his sin (not fulfilling his Islamic obligations to his wife) and divorces her.
Edit: Just read your above post, it looks like this girl does not want to go back home maybe she could find a new husband were your friend is, either way if your friends brother has no intention of been her husband he should get the divorce done. If his mom wants to keep her there then so be it, but at least your friends brother will be free of his Islamic obligation.
Re: Who's to blame?
that's what he keeps saying but his family is like no talaq was given u were probably high he say's no i was sane and sound of mind or the airplane would've never let on board. The witnesses he gave talaq infront of have also said the talaq is done and he has no obligation whatsoever and plus all she wanted was to come here so she's here now. so done deal. He want's to marry his white girlfriend who even wants to convert to Islam. I guess the fact she is family creates a problem.
Re: Who's to blame?
Now that is a sticky situation! If his parents refuse to believe the Talaq is done tell him to go to the masjid alone, get the imaam and a couple of witnesses to witness him saying it again, get the immam to write it down then get him to show that document to his parents. They wont be able to ignore the fact that he is divorced from her. As for the revert has he told his parents he wants to marry her? Is he sure they will even let him marry a white girl? Is he now clean and off the drugs? Mixed marriages can be very hard for some parents to except, I'm talking from experience.
Re: Who's to blame?
Yeah thankfully she won't live with them. That's a good idea to go Imam and just do it all over again. Yeah they already have known 4 the last 7 years he's loves the other girl he's off drugs doing good I wonder how the revert will accept the fact she has to get rid of her dog? One of my friends cousin's is married to a white girl and she mashallah had turned so religious and I have seen the white girls are more Islamically knowledgeable and more closer to Islam then the Paki girls.(sorry if hurts someone's feelings)
Re: Who's to blame?
With regards to the dog I don't want to open the floodgates but there is not one verse of the Quran that prohibits keeping a dog. I suppose ones commitment to Allah can't really be measured by the colour of their skin, I know girls that reverted just to please their inlaws and be allowed to marry their son. From what I have witnessed I think this is what will happen.
Parents will alow son to marry revert, but it will be a very low key event, not many family members will be told.
His ex wife will live with her ex inlaws forever.
If there are any family weddings revert will not be invited and his parents will expect him to pretend to be happily married to his cousin.
This is what happend with one of my white friends, what was worse was that her husbands family shipped his cousin over even though he already had 2 children with his white wife, her husband got married to his cousin and that has been the situation for the last 10 years. He has no children with his cousin, now has 6 children from his white wife and his cousin just lives with his parents and they are only together at family functions
Re: Who's to blame?
Everyone already know about the white girl the. They just need to the whole divorce thing done. She has really researched Islam a lot My friend likes her too because according to her Paki's sister in law always has alternatives motives for everything and she has alot of zid too. she say's the white girl atleast won't have a hidden agenda and whatever she will say she will be out and honest about it instead of thinking something else.
Re: Who's to blame?
What is his mom going to do though, I thought she liked her neice and wanted to keep her around, maybe I misunderstood. Well basically he needs to prove he has divorced his wife and get on with marrying the other girl, if parents have no problems then he should just get on with his life. I have a feeling his ex wife is not going anywhere soon though, so he may have to accept that she will always live with his parents.
Re: Who's to blame?
Poor girl who was dragged into all this mess just because parents don't know how to deal with such issues. Marriage is not the solution for such a kid but therapy and counseling is...
Re: Who's to blame?
I think the cousin just wanted to get out of pak and have fun...self respecting ppl from anywhere keep to limits and this girl doesnt seem to be following islam...good luck to the brother and his white islamic friend may they find happiness
Re: Who's to blame?
I don't feel sorry for the Paki cousin at all she knew what she was getting into she was older (4 year) Her answer when she found out how her cousin was and he didn't like her was "atleast I will go to America" She knew u could easily blackmail her in law's and that if the son didn't keep here atleast the in law's out of quilt would keep her. So he has to the whole talaq thing over again, will atleast this time they will believe him and she will be out of there lives.