Hi all,
I need some advice to give to a friend. I only know what she has told me so here it goes.
She got married a couple of years ago to a guy from Pakistan. They applied for immigration but I guess it takes a long time. They were having a lot of arguments and fights. Her main issue was that he was not talking or giving enough time to her. Her mom and I kind of interfered and we told them to set a time to talk. They both work and there is a time difference so they decided on calling each other during her lunch break which is at the same time everyday. I told her that it wouldn’t be “lakeer on pathar” because things do come up and she was ok with that.
Now yesterday we went out because she was very upset. She told me that in the past two months he has made excuses to not talk to her at least for one month. His excuses include things like his sisters are over so there’ll be noise in the background, its his nephew’s bd, he is at the mechanic getting the car fixed, he’s at the doctor’s getting medicine, he fell asleep after taking that medicine etc etc. They had a discussion about him going to Lahore for some work and she wasn’t happy with it but she didn’t say anything. When in Lahore he didn’t call her for even a min for a week because he was out from morning till 2-3am at night doing work. Then going to Faislabad came up and she told him that she didn’t want him to go. He ended up going anyways and she found out when she called him during her lunch and he told her that he was in Faislabad and was going out to eat. She still didn’t say anything. The next day she called his boss was calling him so he talked for a minute and left. Then yesterday when she called his phone was off because he was in the basement and was not getting signals. She said they had a huge argument over it and she told him that he knows its their time to talk so he should have made sure his phone was getting signals. She told me that she got really mad. I know when she gets mad she does either of two things. Either she walks out (or in this case hangs up) and ignores the person she’s angry at until she’s gotten over her anger. Or (very rarely) she’ll swear at that person like a fishwife. I have known her for over a decade and have lived with her for 4 years so I know that she doesn’t get angry very easily but when she does she goes extreme. She once ignored me for weeks. Last night she was very upset and crying and told me that she was done with the marriage and she’s had enough of him always making excuses and if he can’t talk to her for 15-20 mins each day then how does he plan of spending his life with her etc etc. I don’t know his side of the story but I do know that I haven’t seen her this upset is a long time. I didn’t know what to tell her so I just listened. I do want to give her advice though, so what do you guys think I should say to her?