I’m not being facetious here, but let me give you a scenario that’s playing out in my extended family. A husband and wife have been married 15 years. They have two kids.
Husband is not a good husband, he’s verbally and psychologically abusive to his wife and constantly puts her and her family down. The insults are pretty staggering. Wife now hates her husband, and the two of them have a marriage in name only.
Wife says that husband looks at porn frequently and she’s caught him “stimulating” himself in the bathroom whilst looking at pornography. The problem is that they haven’t been intimate in at least five years (no kisses or nothing), and he’s never cheated on her with another woman. She’s also put on a good amount of weight since they were married (he’s still thin), so much so that no one could say she is physically attractive. She’s not morbidly obese, but she’s pretty round. She’s also neglected her appearance and doesn’t have a modern look, despite the fact she’s not that old. She says it’s because of his abuse, he says he’s frustrated with her lack of intimacy and lack of interest in her appearance and that’s why he “has a sharp tongue.”
Based on this, who’s more wrong here? Husband or wife? Just want to know your opinions, guppies.
Poor guy...5 years and not even a kiss...thats horrible...forget the sex the man isnt even getting any affection...no wonder hes getting frustrated and moody...but thats assuming hes trying to initiate something...Raatkirani...you havent made it clear whose not making effort...if he wants some and shes not giving him none then i can understand his attitude...if she wants some and hes not being affectionate and is being horrible without reason...then im on her side...
Do you know whose atleast trying...cos obviously its a dead marriage but there must have been a root cause...
She’s ugly because he’s a jerk and he’s a jerk becasue his wife is no longer pretty.
It’s very tricky. You can’t be politically correct here. I think both have to take the step, neither is 100% right and they’re both just ruining themselves and each other.
She ought to take care of herself, if not to attract him, just to boost her self esteem, which i’m assuming is very low because of all the abuse. Immediate changes would be getting a new hairdo, putting on a little bit more makeup, putting just a little bit effort can go a long way. She should be encouraged to lose weight, again not to attract him, and even if not for herself, at least for her children. SHe doesnt want to encounter short-and-long term health problems that are related to her “roundness.”
As for the guy, if you said he was just looking at porn and jerking off I’d understand that. However, there’s no excuse for alleged verbal/psychological abuse. That, i do not have a solution for :no:
I agree with Ms Sara. Its a problem created by both of them and one which they both participate in to make it worse and worse. Since both are at fault here, both would have to take steps to make things better. He would have to agree to give her support and encouragement, she would have to make an effort with her weight and appearance. Not an easy thing to accomplish when the problem has been going on for so long. But small complements and a bit of encouragement can go very far in helping the wife feel better about herself, the better she feels about herself, the more motivated she will become to do more. I wish them the best.
like wow. her being fat is reason enough for him to put her and her family down?
punishment never works in the long term. its better to employ positive re-inforcement. its better to reward a person for their positive acts than punish them for their negative ones.
most people go into depression and as a result gain even more weight or turn to food as their solace. Its also the woman's fault for not caring of her appearance (assuming the husband makes an effort to care for his) but I dont think its fair for him to verbally abuse her and "punish" her thru porn.
also as far as porn is concerned....lolz how beautiful your wife/gf is has absolutely NOTHING to do with whether your man will view it or not.
Like i said if it was just watching porn alone, thas one thing, I think both are at fault, but when there verbal abuse... then something more is wrong..
I have seen a marriage similar to this one and it isnt an easy thing to see or to deal with. The wife gained too much weight during pregnancy and had trouble losing it. The husband, instead of using positive reinforcement (ie., encouragement and complements), he used insults. She responded by drowning her sorrows in food. Gained more weight, got more insults. They ended up truly hating each other since this nasty cycle went on for years and years.
It will take a major effort on the part of BOTH of them to overcome the nasty cycle. If they BOTH want to save the marriage, it can be done.
It all boils down to respect. Neither one of them has any respect and courtesy for the other. I am constantly amazed at how badly people treat their spouses. However I think that to an extent we determine how other people treat us by our reactions. I have an uncle who was always verbally abusive to his wife. My parents would become angry and tell him off, but he seemed to love the reaction. One day, after several months of counseling, my aunt stopped reacting to him. She just flat out ignored him. He kept it up for a couple of months longer, then stopped. I'm not saying that this is the case here, but the wife should work on becoming a worthy person in her own right, and take care of herself for her own benefit, not her husband's. I think it would make her more self-confident, and better able to ignore him.
Couldn't help but laugh at your question. It's run of the mill, naked women. Nothing perverted or abnormal. The wife made a very big deal about it, but honestly, if she hasn't done her "wifely duty" in years, despite his begging and attempts at affection, well, she should be happy that he didn't take a mistress.
One note that I have to make is that the couple's relationship took a turn for the worse when the immigrated to the west from Pakistan. They're both well educated, but she's at home with the young kids. And his job is never steady. Sometimes he's jobless, and most of the time, his job is in another state or country. The stress of immigration also was a factor in their behavior. I just think it's so sad that they were unable to understand and comfort one another, and instead both went on the defensive. The couple is divorcing as we speak.
I wouldn't say one of them is right and the other one wrong. Taali do haathon sai bajti hai. Both are at fault here and both will need to get their act straight in order to save their marriage.
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