Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

Okay so here’s a situation for you lot, tell me who’s the liar.

One of my work colleagues has been suspended recently, because an allegation was made against him. Let’s call him Bob.

Basically my organisation deals with a lot of homeless clients, substance misuse clients and domestic violence (DV) victims.

There is a young woman, who is a DV case and is looking to be helped by us, she has been in a few bad situations since she left home for DV reasons (i.e. bad boyfriends etc etc), although she is only about 22 years old.

The young girl has made an allegation that Bob said that he was gonna help her, and has tried to mishandle her and kiss her. I’m not sure exactly the extent of what he did, and his behaviour as it’s not been told to us, but it’s still a very serious allegation.

Bob is denying everything. He’s a fairly young guy, been married about a year and has a newborn baby, and from my own experience is a very soft-spoken, generally nice guy.
Once, he gave a homeless guy £20 from his own pocket cos the homeless guy was whinging about being homeless (I would have told him to take a running jump). BUT, he’s quite laidback about his work, used to (apparently) be a bit of a playboy before he got married, but has always been a gentlemen while at work.

The girl, on the other hand, is running away from a severe abuse situation, has been in bad relationship resulting in more DV, and is living in a hostel now cos she has nowhere to go. I don’t mean to stereotype, but I’ve found that some women in cases of abuse often end up with men who may take advantage of them or abuse them more. Having said that, I’ve met her myself and she’s very gentle, fairly quiet and seems to know wrong from right in general.

My question to you is this, did Bob do it or not? She is refusing to withdraw her allegation, so it’s being investigated, but do you think she could be making it up to help her own housing situation, or do you think that sometimes nice guys can do bad things like this.

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

ouch. that's tough.

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

You want an serious answer? Doesn't matter who is right. The guy is screwed.

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

Hmmm, see it's just 50-50. If they don't prove anything, the guy'll keep his job. But the thing that's gonna screw him over is that he had no reason (job-wise) to really be speaking to this girl, unless he was just going out of his way to help her.

Investigation's still pending anyways :(

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

unfortunately it could go either way......she could be messed up and taking advantage of a nice guy or he could be a nasty idiot posing as a nice guy.

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

Even if he's found to be innocent, his rep will take a hit.

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

Where did the "midhandling" take place? In her house? Its your 2nd post that makes the guy look bad. As a professional in your organization, was it within his job description to reach out to this young girl? How did he find out her contact info? Did he make any of his colleagues aware of his intention to "help" this girl? Exactly HOW did he plan on helping her if it wasn't within his job description?

None of the above really makes a a different when it comes to criminal behavior. If you read details about serial killers, serial rapists etc., quite a few of them also came across as "gentle" and "nice" to others before their arrest/conviction. I'm NOT saying this guy is a psycho criminal. My point is that "soft spoken, nice guys" with wife/newborn are more than capable of doing things you wouldn't think they would do.

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

Okay, the way our job works, we would all have access to her (and most client's) history, contact details and stuff unless it was specified that no one has access. Cos it's a government role, it's pretty much standard that we have to have accurate knowledge about a client so that we don't do anything stupid or say that 'we didn't know that she was blah blah blah' afterwards. Obv it's not as carefree as I'm making it sound, we have the Data Protection act and also a lot of laws and training in place to prevent any abuse of knowledge and stuff like that.

Right, second point is that although it's not in his job descriptions (perhaps, we don;t know why he spoke to her yet!) it still may not be THAT unusual for him to talk to her - our office is sometimes understaffed. Also, cos he and I are the only Pakistani people in the office place, (the girl is too) and sometimes they'll send us to speak to Pakistani clients to make them feel more comfortable. I've been sent to plenty of clients who can only speak Urdu cos they feel more comfortable with me - yet they have nothing to do with my own job role.

BUT the point remains that she was English-speaking, he had no reason to speak to her that we know about yet, and I've no idea where the incident took place, haven't found that out yet. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't tell his colleagues and nor would they ask either, we're waaayyy too busy to ask about individual cases.

I understand that it doesn't mean nice guys can't do bad things, of course not. I was just giving that as my own insight into what I know about the guy. Nothing like this has happened before with him, and I only say that he seems happily married cos he was dating his wife for several years so why would he want to try it on with a young girl? But don't think I'm standing up for the guy only, I've met the girl and she has been through A LOT. So if something did happen and she reported it, I would want it to be taken seriously, of course, and I would hate for her to have more pain that she already has.

Just trying to get both sides of the story is all :(

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

Sad situation all around, whether it is true or the story fabricated from the girl. There aren't any winners in either scenario. If she made it up, then hopefully he is vindicated, but what drove her to do that (meaning she must be so emotionally damaged to resort to something like that)? And if he did do that, what does that say about him and how will it affect his family and what about past cases he's worked on?

Lose Lose

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

None of us (including you) can really know or assume what happened without knowing these details. If she's accusing him of trying to forcefully kiss her...then I'm also assuming that the alleged incident took place in a private place (ie. perhaps a home). For the guy's sake, I hope he's able to provide a good, logical reason for contacting this girl and then meeting her at a private place where it was just the 2 of them.

Here's a complete hypothetical "reason" for his behavior....ASSUMING he actually is gulity. You said he has a newborn right? Many marriages go sour after a baby is born. The wife's body goes through changes....she may be dealing with weight issues......hormones are making her moody/depressed......she's too busy with the baby and their "couple time" has decresed. Due to weight issues, recovery from birth, taking care of baby etc., their sex life has taken a hit. Although he's aware of the demands placed on his wife by the baby.....as a man, emotionally/physically/sexually, he feels ignored. I've come across many men who have cheated on their wives once a baby came in the picture due to reasons like this (even thought they claim they love their wife and want to stay married). Although its awful to imagine...the fact is that a baby doesn't always bring a couple closer.

Re: Who’s lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

tooka maaroo :halo: coz i neither know bob nor that young woman & you yourself mentioned that its a 50-50 situation. So if you can’t come to the conclusion then how can we ???

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

This.

The guy may get to keep his job but his reputation is tarnished.

Well its just a debate more than anything, I’m just asking people’s opinion.

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

She is lying. She is a loser, if she has been in DV many times then she is a moron anyway.

If the guy is innocent he should fight all the way. Reputation will be tarnished but at least he tried and sticked to his statement.

I do hope he is innocent

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

let me toss a coin and tell

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

It is really tough one, most of us would take side of nice guy (who would believe the vulnerable girl who already have a "history), but that is exactly where wolfs in sheep's clothing take advantage and we have no shortage of thoses.

Re: Who's lying, the vulnerable girl or the nice guy?

if this happened in uk .. then guy probably did try to take advantage of tht girl

Is Bob denying that he didnt try to mishandle her or is he saying that he didnt meet her in private?