^ I know the first one very well...gr8 guy...initially there was no such attraction..after getting to knw him i found him very attractive...:) only the religious part bothers me(i dun want him to be extremist)..rest is all gud..My parents have been pressurizing me for the second one...becuz they dunno about the first one yet...
Look at your comment highlighted above in red. How can you or your family make an informed decision if you don't even know all the details about the second canditate?
So.......get to know the second guy as well. It's very possible that you might find his average looks attractive. MANY TIMES....what one person finds attractive, the next person may not.
You said that the "religious part" bothers you. Why is that? Is there something that he said in regards to religion that you find disturbing? Is there something he DID that reflects a lack of moral values? For example......did your interactions with him indicate that he might not believe in Islam, does not value the 5 pillars of Islam, is inclined to drink alcohol and go clubbing????????
Well? What's bothering you? Do you want someone who at least prays 5 times a day and follows the basics?
It's advisable to marry someone who has strong iman...........but there are SOME people who take iman to an extreme........that it becomes hard to follow. So meet the second guy with your family. Talk it over. IF neither one meets your needs..........have the courage to tell your parents you still want to continue searching.
Also, if you are really inclined toward guy # 2....................then talk to him about your concerns and do it politely without causing him to become defensive. Tell him that religion is very important to you and that you're not looking for an extreme person...........but you DO want a spouse that values Islam and makes a sincere effort to follow the basic pillars of Islam. Ask him if that is a priority for him......or if he plans to work on developing his spirituality.
Tell him that you don't believe that one can easily change a person......and that change depends on the individual himself. Tell him you don't want to change him because it's not fair to him..............but does he see himself developing his spirituality?
Listen to what he has to say. Then make your decision.
Look at your comment highlighted above in red. How can you or your family make an informed decision if you don't even know all the details about the second canditate?
So.......get to know the second guy as well. It's very possible that you might find his average looks attractive. MANY TIMES....what one person finds attractive, the next person may not.
You said that the "religious part" bothers you. Why is that? Is there something that he said in regards to religion that you find disturbing? Is there something he DID that reflects a lack of moral values? For example......did your interactions with him indicate that he might not believe in Islam, does not value the 5 pillars of Islam, is inclined to drink alcohol and go clubbing????????
Well? What's bothering you? Do you want someone who at least prays 5 times a day and follows the basics?
It's advisable to marry someone who has strong iman...........but there are SOME people who take iman to an extreme........that it becomes hard to follow. So meet the second guy with your family. Talk it over. IF neither one meets your needs..........have the courage to tell your parents you still want to continue searching.
Yes it bothers me becuz...when i met him a year back..he just used to pray 5 times a day and follow the basics...but now hez like i shud be wearing hijab after marriage...there wont be tv at home...u wont be going anywhere alone widout me...etc...and im not sort of liking this...parents dont even know about this guy...
Second one...hes my dads best friends son..so i know him as well...but the thing is im in love with the first one :s
Also, if you are really inclined toward guy # 2....................then talk to him about your concerns and do it politely without causing him to become defensive. Tell him that religion is very important to you and that you're not looking for an extreme person...........but you DO want a spouse that values Islam and makes a sincere effort to follow the basic pillars of Islam. Ask him if that is a priority for him......or if he plans to work on developing his spirituality.
Tell him that you don't believe that one can easily change a person......and that change depends on the individual himself. Tell him you don't want to change him because it's not fair to him..............but does he see himself developing his spirituality?
Listen to what he has to say. Then make your decision.
Sweetheart, don't just base your decision on dua/istikhara alone. Take some practical action along with dua.
Guy # 2 is not a mind reader. If you both have good communication and rapport with one another............then talk to him gently about your wishes and concerns. If guy #2 really wants to marry you and if he values your concerns about developing spirituality........then who knows......he could sincerly improve that area. SO talk to him.
I've seen various types of people, Ladlee. Read Mama Ki Dua's thread called "Being Selfish".......where u learn that while hijab and praying 5 times a day is admirable BUT these are not the sole indicators of good character. You can find someone who prays five times a day....and follows many Islamic rules........but that person might have a habit of offending others......might not respect people......might be too judgmental of others.........might be oppressive or abusive.
And then you might find someone who is lazy in praying 5 times a day BUT wants to get better if given encouragment.........and belives firmly in his/her religion.........and treats others with consideration and respect........doesn't engage in haram habits.
So, if you're interested in these candidates, get to know them and express your concerns.
Thats why i call girls peculiar. They gossip about looks all the time and end up falling for the non good-lookings!
and lady please Choose a husband whos apperance pleases you so u dont become one of those non-husband staring women.
and besides dont beards irritate u women.
And if hes that strict that he will warn you of the consequecnes of trivial things like watching tv, then I wonder what hes stance would be on the mattering things. :p