some of you have never heard of this but it happens…
a few years ago when my best friend was getting married in Pakistan she called me to ask to ask what to do as she was expected to give all her jewelery to her MIL before the wedding…
because that was how it was supposed to be done…!
when my SIL moved abroad after getting married in Pakistan she gave all of hers to her MIL and that was looked as the best thing she had ever done…
I know someone too well…she was moving abroad too after getting married and had all of her big pieces of jewelery in the bank but just on the day she was leaving her FIL had a fit about it which kinda got ugly and she had to go to the bank first thing in teh morning and get it from there to hand it back to the old man…apparently he thought that what his side of the family had given to the bride was his property for life,and if she had that to herself she might wanna run away with it……she did give him everything at that time but later on after a year took it back and now has it with her or in the bank…
so I have seen making it an ego issue in Pakistan that if the DIL …one of the makes-no-sense kinda things that happen in families there…
so its not new…
IMO,you should keep it with you…
I might be incorrect but I think i read this somewhere that islamically speaking all the gold that a bride gets from both sides of the family is hers to keep even when the marriage no longer remains…
I just added this as an added info,…correct me if I am wrong…
I've heard of brides having to give jewelry to their MIL's but thts a tradition tht from a veryyy looonggg time ago when their were no safe deposit boxes and women didnt have a secure place to put their gold so they gave to MIL's to keep it in the safe deposit boxes tht was inside the home and obvioulsy the MIL's only knew about it. However, today i dont think nor do i have heard of the DIL giving the jewelry to thier MIL's and I stronlgy suggest tht you keep ur jewelry to urself if anything give ur jewelry to ur mom to hold for u until u find a secure place to put it DO NOT TAKE A RISK OF GIVING IT TO ANYONE besides keeping to it urself or letting ur mom hold it. the gold is a woman's security and are gifts given to u by both ur parents and hubby and u should have the freedom to hold onto them urself or do wutever u like bc they are YOURS to keep.
Also if u have a fear that u mite have to hand them over to ur MIL talk to ur hubby or fiance about the situation and that u would like to hold onto them before getting married bc u dont want to have the stress of being uncomfortable after uve gotten married and if u dont think u can talk to ur hubby then have ur mom open a safe deposit box for u before u get married and if something comes up up u just say i already have a safe place to put them and there is no other reason for ur MIL to ask you to hand them over to u besides the fact tht she can put them in a "safe" place for u. All women have to be really smart in a situation like this.
I have to say I agree with your sentiments. It's best to keep your jewellery in a place that is accessible to you. Keeping it in the bank is the best option.
I'm not all for asking the hubby about this because they normally side with their mom and it can cause a whole load of stress between the newlyweds. Best to keep it between yourself and your mom. If the MIL asks, then as RSheikh suggests tell her it's in that 'safe' place...
^thats really rude though, her mother in law would probably be offended and she's better off not giving her the jewelery at all than giving it to her with a checklist of everything. I think if her mother in law is smart, she'll count the jewelery herself in front of her daughter in law and make a checklist.
Ive never heard of the mother in law expecting to keep the jewelery, I think if she does keep it, its to protect it. When my cousin got married, his wife gave the jewelery to my aunt for safekeeping, and eventually, his wife's mother went to my aunt and said that my cousin's wife will put it in a safe deposit box so she can learn responsibility. Although I think it was fine, my khalah almost seemed offended that she took it back, maybe thinking that her daughter in law didnt trust her or something? i dont know...
I have heard of the expectation that all the money you get in gifts from your wedding goes to your parents and in laws since they paid for everything in the first place.
Yeah it is kinda offensive (I would be offended :) ), but then the mother has a right to safeguard her daughters gold... I guess she should have approached your khala about it in a better way :)
There is no reason to hand over your jewelry to anyone. But, if need be, you can hand it over to your mil or your mom for safe keeping. I dont know..but i think it would be easier to ask your mom for it if you needed it back. You might be a little uncomfortable or hesitant asking your mil for it though.
After coming back to ny, my mom had some of my jewelry, my fil had some, and I had some. They kept whatever they had till I got my own safety deposit box at which point I took everything that belonged to me and put it away in my box. At the same time, both of them had safety deposit boxes so I could gave just saved the money and told them to hold on to it but it's my stuff. They don't keep any of my other stuff so why would I want them to hold my jewelry. It's a retarded tradition, if it is ur jewelry u should be responsible for it and keep it in Ur possession.
I dont think it will be wise to discus this with my fiance becuase despite knowing how his mom is he will expect me to trust his mom and would have negative feelings for me.
I have discused this with my mom and she has suggested same thing that she will put in safe box and will hand over it to me as and when i need.
…she did give him everything at that time but later on after a year took it back and now has it with her or in the bank…