Re: Who should have the final say?
its called changed perspectives.
Double standards would be if she wanted to choose spouses for her daughters but let hte sons bring home watever grlz they picked up.
Re: Who should have the final say?
Its funny when roles change how one’s perceptions also change. How old r ur boys by the way?
Re: Who should have the final say?
In a nutshell, your question, answered.
Re: Who should have the final say?
i think parents r there to guide u…not choose 4 u
Re: Who should have the final say?
Parents should have the final veto (ie the right to say NO), but marrying someone just because your parents say so is not right at all. Both the individual getting married and his/her parents should have an equal right to say NO, regardless of whether it's arranged or not.
Re: Who should have the final say?
Here is a rigid fact:
Islam gives gal/guy a right to marry the person of their choice. If parents are forcing them to do otherwise, they are going against Islamic teachings and in this case you can disobey them.
Here is a better way to deal with things:
Talk it out. You don’t have to disobey parents in order to make things happen. I am sure you can always explain them what you want and why do you think that what they are asking for is not good for you. You have to consider that they are more experienced than you are and they always think about the better of their children. “Its my life and I am not going to listen to them” really doesn’t help. Keep in mind the respect that Islam give to parents.
My Personal Experience:
My mom talked to me before I left for USA some 8 years ago about the matter and we agreed on that If she finds someone this think is good for me, she will let me know or if I find someone, I’ll let my parents know. She saw a gal in wedding, liked her, talked to her family, send me the information. On my next trip to Pakistan, I met with gal and her parents at their home. They took some time to think and okied the rishta and now we are a happy family.
Re: Who should have the final say?
Why are you all having a go at hussain87 when it was me who made the comments. Look at my message, i did not have a go at one gender specifically, i dislike bad guys and girls equally. I am just stating what i can notice because i too live in the west. I am a good guy Alhamdulilah!!!
Re: Who should have the final say?
desi parents for some odd freaking reason ignore that rigid fact and try to follow the religion of islam oh so intensely 
wtf
Re: Who should have the final say?
Quite often parents have certain things in mind such as those you mentioned, whereas the son/daughter looks at it from a different perspective. In addition, the son/daughter has different priorities and preferences that are clearly in contrast with the parents. At times it's difficult to get the point across, which results in serious discords.
Yes its not easy in a Desi family. Discords will happen, hearts will be broken, fights, emotional blackmails and what not. But in the end everyone has to decide what they think is right for them and THEN accept the results of their actions.
Re: Who should have the final say?
Most girls in the West don’t watch that stuff. 
CrescentWarrior: Where do you see those born in the West “bursting to blame their parents”? You seem to be applying preconceived notions from other threads in this one, making much of what you say irrelevant.
As for me, I knew I wouldn’t marry someone my parents deep down wouldn’t approve of, and they knew I wasn’t the type to sit back and blindly obey. So I was going to make a sensible choice, with their opinions and preferences in mind, but in the end it was my choice. Some things they might have wanted differently, but they know in terms of what really matters (personality, nature, spirituality, as opposed to career/status, etc) my husband is the best.
Re: Who should have the final say?
Iconoclast, makes sense, especially the 'accept the results of their actions' bit.
Re: Who should have the final say?
Long ago i had differences with parents over certain things, and i decided that i will do what i feel is best for me and what i feel is the right thing to do. This resulted in serious discord between and my parents, beyond what i cud imagine, even it may me feel guilty, but i persisted what i felt was right. Gradually i healed the relationship with my parents. Yesterday, just yesterday, my Mom finally confessed that i was right and it saved both me and my parents from lot of trouble.
Re: Who should have the final say?
If parents love u and truly care about your feelings, they'll marry u off to a drug addict if you so wish.
Re: Who should have the final say?
^Really, i don't think so, if they truly love their children they won't be part of their road to destruction.
Re: Who should have the final say?
^Hmm, so y people get so upset when they don't want them to marry sum1 they think will lead them to that road?
You have all these bollywood type people, who no matter what want to marry their bf/gfs, parents have the tough job.
Re: Who should have the final say?
^Usually the differences are subtle.
Re: Who should have the final say?
wat about with the more usual things, like uneducated, with an attitude problem, and whose future looks bleak.
Re: Who should have the final say?
May be those girlz watch too many hindi movies, or read too much Khawateen digest.
Re: Who should have the final say?
I mean Sadiyah is different.:D
Re: Who should have the final say?
Afridi - sometimes parents do not have their children's best interests at heart, and sometimes parents are too focused on what the rest of the khandaan will think.
In my husband's family, a girl was recently pressurized into marriage with someone she didn't want because her aunts wanted it to happen. She still hasn't been able to adjust. Someone else was married for a british passport. There have been other marriages take place to resolve conflicts within the family - you can't tell me that the parents are honestly taking their children's needs first in all of these cases. In every case one of the children was told to sacrifice for the family honor.
My kids have always come to me for advice, no matter how small, and we have maintained a good relationship. I can't imagine it being any different when it comes to their marriage.
I expect more headaches from other family members about their marriage than from my own kids.